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Liv's POV
At the back of my head, I knew that going through someone's else's property without permission was a bad thing to do. At that moment I didn't want to think about what was wrong or right. There wasn't any time left to judge myself.
I felt as though I could find something very important inside of this diary. I was curious to know, especially when I was aware of a diary being a person's first friend.
It was hard for me though. For the fact that I wasn't used to taking people's stuffs without their permission but I might never get this chance again. I swiveled my head to Max's direction, he was still asleep.
It looked as though he wasn't going to wake up at the soonest so I had enough time to my self. I flipped through some more pages but I was astonished at what I saw. Why was it blank? there was nothing written in it. Was this just to mislead me? did Max know about my plan before hand? No it wasn't possible and I knew for a fact I was right in thinking so.
I almost slammed the diary shut. Frustration filled me, my fingers got stucked in-between the pages. I tried to remove it when I flipped through another page and I saw the date
April 24th 2015
inscribed on it. It got my attention, which only meant that his diary started from the exact page I was staring at.
The 24th day of April 2015...
It read
"I did it again, I taunted her again. I watched her cry from up the stairs and for some reason I felt bad. She is so beautiful, just like the goddess of etheral beauty. If I was asked to describe her in just one sentence, I would say her eyes were the most attractive feature I had ever seen .
Her eyes....it felt as though I could keep on writting about her eyes throughout but I needed them to know how I really felt about her...her eyes sparkled like diamonds. Her eyes reflected the warmth of her glow.
She had the softest lips ever.
You must be wondering why I wrote that down.
Believe me when I say I I haven't tasted the feel of her lips before but just by looking at it, everything became clear to me. She also had her smile which never left her lips, her smile which lit up my ambience with it's gentle glow.
I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it"
I read through the lines of his diary, word for word as tears gathered in my eyes. I lifted up my face, I stared at the ceiling. I was feeling so emotional at that moment as a tear slipped down my cheek. I wiped it off, sniffing in my tears.
Why did his confession in his diary point at everything to one particular person which is me? The memories of how Max was amongst the triplets who bullied me flooded my head. I realized I was losing focus, now was the time to read everything then I would return to my inner thoughts much later.
*December 23rd 2024*
"Leaving for training camp"
"I left without saying a word to her. It's not like we ever spoke to each other with love or without love so what was I expecting? I thought I could see her face before I leave and get to imprint her lovely image in my head but that wasn't the case"
"I tried to see her but she was caught up in some work or the other. I really missed her, I missed watching her from afar. What amazed me the most about her is the way she didn't care about how everyone treated her, be it good or bad....There were times I would hear someone scolding her but there was nothing I could do even if I wanted to step in front of her to protect her from everything"
"I really missed her a whole lot. I missed how beautiful she was, the face her face glowed admist the tears which flowed down her cheek almost everyday. I missed the way I taunted her, the way she doesn't respond to me not because she doesn't want to but because she didn't have a choice"
"I, Callum, and Ryder started taunting her. I think I see the way Callum looks at her, I don't want to think about it twice or even too much. But it looks as though he likes her as well but I don't like the fact someone else looked at her in that way.....she was for me only.....it was in my place to admire her and no one else'
1st June 2018...
'I got my wolf today....
but
I hate him.
I hate the way my wolf taunts me and if it wasn't enough, I hate the way he gets out of control. Especially when he's angry. I hate how my wolf speaks to me to do a whole lot of things. I hate how my wolf is overly possessive and obsessive.
'I hate how my wolf doesn't let me just be on my own and make my own decisions.
...I hate how my wolf is an animal.
I wished I never got my wolf, I see Callum and Ryder have their wolf but I feel bad and slightly jealous that they are happy with their wolf while I hate mine.
He is something else.
My wolf tortures me, he makes me do things I don't want to do'
*20th May 2020*
'This was meant to be the most special day of my life but even before it started, everything came crushing down'
'On this special day of mine. I found out that Liv is my mate. I couldn't feel more excited by such a great news I had received in a while.
I was so happy, I believed I wasn't expressing my happiness well enough but I don't know how to feel.
The thoughts of her being my mate didn't cross my mind, not even for once'
'The reason why I was taunting her all this while and not showing her love is because of her status. She is an omega and I don't want the fact that if I decide to love her whole heartedly,I would have to deal with the mental and physical trauma of not being with her'
'But since she is my mate, it has made everything which was hard for me become much easier. She is my mate and it made more sense, I'm happy about this.
No I'm not, a voice spoke inside of me. Guess what? the voice belonged to my wolf, it's my wolf again.
My wolf wouldn't let it happen. My wolf wouldn't let it stand'
'My wolf is angry with the fact that we are all mated to my goddess of etheral beauty. I'm trying to suppress those reasinsting words alongside the feelings, but the more he's going, the more further we are going. The more intimate'
'My wolf threatened to come out of my skin but I was against it. The more my wolf tried to force himself out of me. He wanted to transform but I was against it. Whenever I didn't give into it's demands, he doesn't leave any stone unturned to cause pain to me.
I have been living in pains for the past two years because of my wolf.
December 2020...
'I got tired of my wolf. I was completely fed up, I didn't want it anymore. I couldn't have this with me and that was when they marked her as theirs. My wolf got out of control, this time around I let my wolf get a hold of me, I let it get the better of me.
'Maybe I was wrong all this while, maybe I shouldn't hate my wolf.
Maybe I should just embrace him, I should just be myself, why do I have to change?
why must I be the one to be good?
Why do I have to share her with anybody when I clearly didn't want to. I was tired of pretending because at the end, it didn't get me to anywhere
'Why do I have to be nice? I made up my mind to get here she belonged to me alone. I don't care anymore, I would be the person my wolf wants at the end of everything. I am going to get her for myself'
Everything was finished. I had read everything, deep down inside of me I didn't want it to finish. I was sad when it did, I was almost in tears but I knew I had to control myself.
I looked at Max who was still immersed in his sleep. I was now aware of how much he had been through, he had been through a lot but I had to get out. I didn't leave the diary behind, it followed me wherever I wanted to go to.
I sneaked out of the room with slow tip toes as I rushed outside, to the exact spot where Samantha said we could meet at anytime, it was the back of the room.
I reached the spot as my eyes peered around. I couldn't see her anywhere, where was she?
"Samantha" I called out in a whisper. She appeared before me as I handed over the diary to her.
"You don't look too good Liv, are you okay?" she asked but I nodded my head at her. I didn't really think about what she took my silence for.
I had to be quiet because my lips were too heavy to utter a word. I might become too weak and break down into uncontrollable tears. I left her standing alone as I sneaked back into the room.
It was good that Max was still sleeping otherwise if he was awake, I would have had to answer to a whole lot of questions which I didn't have answers to so it was for the best.
I laid beside him. My mind went back to the diary once again, I knew for a fact he had been through a lot. I had a change of mind that I really didn't want him dead but the bigger problem was lying ahead of me, how was I going to convince Callum?
Was I really doing the right thing to feel sorry?.