Chapter Sixteen
B y the time Savannah finally fell asleep, Tanner felt wrung out.
She’d been clingy all evening, more tired than usual and grumpy with it, and getting her settled had taken longer than it should have.
He stood beside the bed for a minute after she drifted off, one hand resting lightly on her back, waiting to make sure she stayed down.
Only when her breathing evened out properly did he straighten and step away.
The house was quiet. Tanner moved through it, checking the front door, then the back, then the window over the sink even though he already knew it was shut.
After that he went into the kitchen and looked around without really seeing any of it.
Miles was bringing food. He’d agreed to it. He’d agreed to let him come here again.
When the knock came, Tanner went to the door straight away. He didn’t make Miles wait, but he didn’t open it fully at first either. He looked through the gap, saw the takeout bag in one hand and Miles standing there in the dark, then stepped back and let him in.
Miles lifted the boxes. “I brought pizza.”
Tanner took them from him. “Thanks.”
Miles shut the door behind him. “She asleep?”
“Yeah.”
Tanner carried the pizzas through to the kitchen and put them down on the table. The place wasn’t big enough to pretend Miles wasn’t there. He could feel him behind him, while he reached for plates they didn’t really need and changed his mind halfway through.
“You don’t need those,” Miles said.
Tanner glanced back. “I know.”
Miles’ mouth twitched.
Tanner gave him a look. “Don’t start.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You were about to.”
Miles leaned one hip against the counter. “Maybe.”
They sat across from each other and ate.
The conversation came easier than Tanner expected, though that didn’t mean easy.
Miles asked about Savannah and Tanner answered.
Tanner asked how work had been and Miles answered that too.
Nothing heavy, nothing that dug too deep, but enough that the silence between them never felt awkward.
Tanner noticed what wasn’t being said as much as what was.
Miles didn’t mention daycare. He didn’t mention paperwork. He just sat there eating takeout at Tanner’s table and looking at him in that steady way of his that made it hard to breathe sometimes.
By the time they finished, Tanner had relaxed without meaning to. He gathered up the empty boxes and moved to the sink.
“I can do that,” Miles said.
Tanner didn’t turn. “It’s a couple of plates.”
“Still.”
Tanner rinsed one out and put it aside. “You brought dinner.”
There was a short pause behind him, then footsteps. A second later Miles was close enough for Tanner to feel the heat of him before he even touched him.
“You always this stubborn?” Miles asked quietly.
Tanner turned. “You asking because you don’t know or because you do?”
Miles was close enough that Tanner only had to lean forward a fraction to kiss him. He looked at Miles instead, seeing the look of want on his face and that look made the decision for Tanner. He grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in.
The kiss hit hard enough that Tanner took a step back into the counter.
Miles followed without hesitation, one hand bracing beside Tanner’s hip, the other sliding around to his waist. Tanner kissed him again before he could think better of it, opening for him straight away, dragging him closer because distance was the last thing he wanted.
Miles made a low sound in his throat and Tanner felt it all the way through him.
He’d told himself this might happen. He’d known it probably would the second he let Miles inside. That didn’t make it feel planned. It felt messy and hot and too fast, Tanner’s hands already under Miles’ shirt, Miles’ mouth moving over his with the kind of focus that made Tanner’s head go light.
Miles broke the kiss just long enough to look at him. “You sure?”
Tanner stared at him, breathing hard. “Do I look unsure?”
Miles’ hand tightened at his waist. “No.”
“Then stop asking.”
That got him another look, something close to amusement and not enough of it to be annoying, then Miles kissed him again and Tanner forgot everything else for a while.
They made it to the bedroom. Clothes were pushed aside more than taken off properly. Tanner ended up on the bed with Miles over him, mouth on his, hands on his body, and the tension he’d carried all day broke apart and disappeared.
He wanted Miles. That was the truth of it.
Wanted Miles’ hands, Miles’ mouth, the solid heat of him, the way he held Tanner down one second and let him take what he needed the next.
Tanner had spent too long surviving, too long keeping himself shut down and moving forward, to mistake this for anything else.
Miles finished stripping and then pushed Tanner’s legs apart so he could move between them. Tanner groaned and arched up when Miles sucked his cock into his mouth, his hand grabbing Miles’ hair.
Miles moaned and shuddered and Tanner remembered that he liked having his hair tugged so he did it again. The answering moan had Tanner biting his lip then arching back when Miles took the full length of his dick into his mouth and swallowed around it.
When Miles pulled off, he murmured, “Lube.”
Tanner blinked his eyes open and reached under the pillow, passing Miles the lube he kept hidden there.
He felt his body tense then he jerked when he felt Miles rub over his ass.
His finger rubbed over his ring then the tip pushed inside.
At the same time, Miles sucked his dick and the dual sensation had Tanner shuddering.
Miles slowly pushed more of his finger inside Tanner’s ass then suddenly Tanner slapped a hand over his mouth as he cried out. He knew what Miles had touched, and Miles kept rubbing that spot as he sucked on Tanner’s cock.
Tanner had never felt anything like this before. He’d had sex when there had been no other option and it had only been for money. He’d never had sex for pleasure until meeting Miles, yet here he was in his own bed with a man who made him feel nothing but pleasure.
When a second finger pushed inside, Tanner gasped and clenched around them, then Miles hit his prostate, causing Tanner to arch up. He rubbed that spot as he sucked on Tanner’s dick, and Tanner could feel his balls pull up.
“Miles,” he murmured.
Miles eased his fingers out and Tanner watched him roll a condom on then moved his legs farther apart as Miles moved between them.
Miles leaned over him and kissed him. Tanner groaned and grabbed Miles’ hair as he returned his kiss, his body shaking when he felt the head of Miles’ cock rubbing his wrinkled flesh.
When he pushed inside, he gasped and tensed but Miles stopped and waited.
“Okay,” he whispered when he felt the burn ease.
Miles kissed him again as he slowly slid inside, and when he was fully in, he whispered, “Ready?”
Tanner whimpered as he nodded, his legs lifting to wrap around Miles’ hips.
He’d never had sex like this. It had been a necessary act, but that wasn’t what he had with Miles.
When Miles moved within his body, Tanner couldn’t help but respond.
His legs tightened around Miles’ body, his fingers tugging on Miles’ hair as he thrust his tongue into Miles’ mouth.
Miles groaned, his body shaking as he picked up speed.
He moved harder and faster and Tanner urged him on, desperate to come.
He whimpered Miles’ name, sweat breaking out over his skin.
Miles kissed him, their tongues tangling, his fingers digging into Tanner’s hips, sweat-soaked skin sliding together.
Tanner groaned, shuddering, his orgasm building and his body tightening a second before he came.
He groaned loudly, his body shuddering, his body drowning in ecstasy.
He could feel Miles moving, hear his harsh pants, then felt him slam inside, grinding his hips against Tanner’s ass before stilling over him.
A minute or so later, Miles lifted his head and softly kissed Tanner’s lips. He eased out of him then took care of the condom before lying on the bed next to him.
Tanner lay on his back, lying next to Miles. Sweat cooled on his skin and the sheets were twisted around his legs. Next to him the mattress shifted, then stilled. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling his heartbeat slow.
Miles’ hand settled on his hip. “You okay?” Miles asked, as he rolled onto his side and looked down at him.
Tanner let out a short breath. “Yeah.”
Miles didn’t move his hand. “You don’t sound okay.”
Tanner almost told him to leave it but instead he said, “I stole.”
Miles nodded. “Okay.”
Tanner kept his eyes on the ceiling. “Food. Clothes. Whatever I could get and sell. Cash if somebody was stupid enough to leave it where I could take it.” He swallowed. “Then other stuff.”
Miles’ voice was even when he asked, “What other stuff?”
“Running drugs. Delivering packages for people who didn’t want to be seen with them. Carrying whatever I was told to carry so long as they paid me. It paid more than sweeping floors.”
Miles didn’t say anything.
Tanner continued to stare at the ceiling. “When that still wasn’t enough…” He stopped for a second, then made himself keep going. “I sold myself.”
Miles stayed quiet.
Tanner gave a short, humorless laugh. “That the part where you start looking at me different?”
Miles propped himself up slightly on one arm. “No.”
Tanner looked at him then, searching his face for it anyway. Disgust. Pity. Regret. Anything that would make sense, but he didn’t find it.
“I did what I had to do,” Tanner said. His voice came out quieter than he meant it to, but maybe that was better.
“I wasn’t out there making choices because I wanted the experience.
I did what kept us fed. What kept a roof over us.
What kept Savannah with me.” He held Miles’ gaze. “That was the point.”
Miles looked back at him steadily. “I know.”
Tanner frowned. “No, you don’t.”
“I know enough.”
He pushed upright and swung his legs over the side of the bed, reaching for his underwear on the floor.
“You don’t know what it was like,” he muttered.
“No,” Miles answered behind him. “I don’t.”
Tanner dragged the underwear on and stood. He didn’t look back right away. “Then don’t say you do.”
“I said I know enough.”
Something in Miles’ voice made Tanner turn.
Miles was sitting up now, the sheet low on his hips.
“I know you kept going,” Miles said. “I know you kept her with you. I know none of that came from you having better options and turning them down.” Tanner stared at him as Miles continued.
“You were a kid trying to keep another kid alive. I’m not going to sit here and judge you for what you did for her. ”
Tanner turned away and walked to the window, and stood there with one hand braced on the sill. Outside, the yard was mostly shadow, but it wouldn’t have mattered if it was daylight. He still wouldn’t have seen anything.
“You should,” Tanner said after a moment.
Miles didn’t answer straight away. When he did, his voice was quieter. “Why?”
Tanner laughed softly. “Because most people do.”
“Most people aren’t in this room.”
Tanner dropped his head for a second, then straightened again. “You listen to me say all that and don’t hear trouble?”
“I hear trouble,” Miles said. “I hear what it cost you. That’s not the same thing.”
Tanner closed his eyes briefly, hearing the bed shift behind him. A second later Miles came up behind him, not touching at first, just there and giving Tanner time to move away if he wanted to.
When he didn’t, Miles rested a hand on Tanner’s shoulder. “I’m not saying it was good. I’m not saying I’m glad it happened.” His hand stayed where it was. “I’m saying I’m not going to push you away for the choices you made when you didn’t have many.”
Tanner swallowed. That was the part that got to him.
The absence of any judgment where he’d been prepared for it.
Whatever this was with Miles, it hadn’t gone the way Tanner expected, and that should probably have worried him more than it did.
He’d wanted Miles from the start, but now it was becoming more.
He turned before he could think too hard about it. “You should’ve reacted worse than this.”
Miles looked at him. “Sorry to disappoint you.”
Tanner chuckled softly.
Miles’ hand slid to the side of his neck. “You done trying to scare me off?”
Tanner stared at Miles. “Maybe.”
“Didn’t work.”
Tanner looked at him for a few seconds, then he leaned in and kissed him. This time it was slower. Just Tanner needing to feel for himself that Miles was still here, and he was.
When they got back into bed, the room stayed quiet for a long time. Tanner thought Miles might bring up the paperwork then, with everything else already open between them, but he didn’t. He left it alone, which Tanner appreciated.
He woke early out of habit and lay still for a moment, staring at the gray light around the curtains. Miles was awake beside him, flat on his back, one arm bent under his head.
“You always wake up this early?” Miles asked.
Tanner turned his head. “Usually.”
Miles looked over at him. “You get any sleep?”
“Some.”
“I have to go.” As he spoke, Miles pushed the sheet back and sat up, then reached for his underwear. Tanner watched him get dressed without saying anything. When Miles was dressed, he leaned down and kissed Tanner.
At the bedroom door, Miles stopped and looked back at him. “I’ll call you later,” he said.
Tanner looked at him for a second, then nodded. “Okay.”
Miles stood there another second, as if checking whether Tanner was really okay, then he left the room.
Tanner heard the front door open and close a minute later. After that the house went quiet again. He stayed where he was, staring at the bedroom door, going over their conversation.
Miles now knew of what Tanner had done and he’d heard it without looking at Tanner like he was something dirty or broken or beyond fixing.
He sat up when he heard Savannah stir in the next room, rubbed a hand over his face, and got out of bed. Whatever this was with Miles, it hadn’t gone the way Tanner expected.