Chapter Seventeen
M iles stepped out of Tanner’s house and paused on the porch long enough to pull the door shut quietly behind him, then stood there for a second with his keys in one hand and Tanner still on his mind.
He should’ve been thinking about work. About the paperwork issue.
About what came next and how carefully he’d need to handle it, but he was thinking about Tanner in bed, quiet and watchful even first thing in the morning.
Thinking about the things Tanner had said the night before in that voice of his, not asking for sympathy, but just laying the truth out and waiting to see what Miles did with it.
Miles drove into town with Tanner still on his mind. Later that morning, as he came out of the diner with a coffee in one hand, he spotted Santino heading along the sidewalk with a paper bag tucked under his arm. Santino slowed when he saw him.
“Morning,” he said.
Miles stopped. “Morning.”
Santino glanced around, then looked back at Miles. “You see Tanner?”
Miles held his gaze. “I have.”
“Right.”
Miles watched Santino then said, “You got something to say, say it.”
Santino nodded. “I figured I probably should.”
Miles waited.
“I’m not asking what’s happening between you. It’s none of my business.”
“Then don’t make it your business.”
“I’m not.” Santino’s tone stayed even. “But Tanner is.”
Miles said nothing.
Santino shifted. “You know he’s nineteen.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re older.”
“Yes.”
Santino nodded once, as if confirming Miles at least wasn’t going to pretend otherwise. “That gap matters.”
“You think I need that explained to me?”
“No. I think you need reminding it won’t only matter to you.”
He looked away for a second, across the street, then back at Santino. “You would know.”
“Yeah, and so does TJ, but there’s something else.”
“What?”
“He’s got Savannah. That means whatever this is, it’s not only about him wanting you or you wanting him.”
Miles’ jaw tightened. “I know that.”
“Do you?” Santino asked, but not in a challenging way. “Because she’s part of every decision he makes. Has been for years by the sounds of it.”
Miles thought about Tanner saying it in bed. “Yeah,” he said. “I know.”
Santino studied him for a moment. “Then there’s the rest of it.”
Miles waited.
“He’s only just come back to Robinson. He’s dealing with Savannah, daycare, paperwork, people looking too closely at his life, and whatever else he brought back with him.” Santino watched him. “You sure now’s the right time to be stepping into that?”
He was quiet for a second, then said, “At some point he’s going to need proper legal help too. Someone who knows family court and can tell him what gets filed and in what order.”
Miles looked at him.
“Not tonight, not if hearing that just sends him running,” Santino added. “I’m saying the path exists. He’s just not steady enough yet to hear all of it at once.”
Miles didn’t say anything straight away. The truth was he’d already asked himself that on the drive over the night before and again when he left that morning.
“He asked me in,” Miles said.
Santino nodded. “I’m not saying he didn’t want you there. I’m saying wanting you there and being ready for something real aren’t always the same thing.”
Miles looked at him steadily. “You think this is me messing around?”
“No.” Miles opened his mouth, but Santino went on before he could speak. “If I thought that, this would be a different conversation.” He shifted his weight. “What I think is you like him enough to be serious. That’s what makes it worth saying.”
Miles straightened.
For a second he said nothing. Attraction was easy enough to shrug off.
Wanting someone, sleeping with them, going back for more.
None of that was new. But this had stopped being easy the second he realized Tanner’s problems had started mattering to him almost as much as Tanner himself.
Maybe more. And Savannah was part of that as well. He wanted her to be happy.
“He matters,” Miles said finally.
Santino held his gaze. “I figured.”
Miles rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Then what exactly are you telling me to do? To back off?”
Santino was quiet for a second. “I’m telling you to be careful what you ask of him.
” Miles frowned. Santino glanced around.
“A man like Tanner doesn’t get taught that good things stay.
He gets taught the opposite.” He looked back at Miles.
“So if you push for more than he can give right now, or you make promises you can’t keep, you won’t only hurt him.
You’ll confirm what he already expects.”
Miles thought about Tanner watching him from the bed that morning, alert even when half asleep. Thought about how tense he’d been when anything touched on Savannah. Thought about the way he’d delivered the truth about his past like he was getting ready for Miles to walk away.
“That what happened to you and Orsen?” Miles asked.
Santino’s expression barely shifted. “Close enough.”
Miles nodded once. He wasn’t going to push.
Santino sighed. “I was an idiot where Orsen was concerned. You know that. I saw his age and thought he should live more because I looked at him through my eyes and my experience. Orsen went through something awful, he did something no one should have to do, and me not seeing that almost ruined what we had. It took me a long time to realize that I couldn’t keep viewing him like every other teenager.
He might be younger than me in years, but his experience…
” Santino looked away. “Tanner is the same in a way. He’ll struggle to trust anyone in authority.
In Orsen’s case authority failed him, but in Tanner’s case authority tried to take someone special away from him. ”
It was probably the most Santino had ever said to him in one go. “So what?” Miles asked after a moment. “I walk away before I make it harder?”
Santino shrugged a shoulder. “That’s for you to figure out. Walking away might make it easier for you. Doesn’t mean it would be easier for him.”
Miles looked at him sharply. “What?”
Santino met his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I’m not saying he’s already half in love with you.” One corner of his mouth moved briefly. “I’m saying people notice when someone treats them nicely and then disappears.”
That shut Miles up because what had started getting to him was that Tanner noticed everything. The tone of a question. A look. A pause before an answer.
“I’m not trying to mess him up,” Miles murmured.
“I know.” Santino’s voice stayed calm. “That’s why I’m standing here talking to you before I go home.”
Miles looked down at the sidewalk, then back at him. “You done now?”
“Almost.” Santino’s gaze was steady. “You’re not neutral anymore. That’s all I’m saying.”
For some reason, that was the line that hit Miles the hardest, because hearing it from someone else stripped away any room to pretend this was still casual.
“No,” Miles said after a moment. “I’m not.”
Santino nodded. “Alright.”
Miles gave him a look. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Santino nodded and walked on, then stopped and glanced back over his shoulder. “Just don’t make him carry your uncertainty as well as his own.”
Miles stood still and by the time he thought of anything to say, Santino had already walked away.
For a minute, Miles stayed where he was, thinking about what Santino had said.
Santino hadn’t given him an easy answer. Just the truth laid out for Miles to see. Tanner was nineteen. Tanner had Savannah. Tanner had only just come back. Tanner might want Miles while still not trusting it might last.
Part of him wanted to step back now before things got any messier. Before Tanner started expecting something Miles might not be able to give him. Before the age difference and the paperwork issue and the timing of it all ruined what could be between them.
The other part of him knew stepping back wouldn’t make him neutral in the situation again. It wouldn’t put Tanner neatly out of his head or out of his system. It wouldn’t stop him thinking about the way Tanner had looked at him that morning. It wouldn’t stop him from caring what happened next.
Miles exhaled and closed his eyes. He didn’t have an answer yet. Well, not one he trusted. All he knew was that walking away and pushing forward both had the power to do damage, and pretending otherwise wouldn’t deny the truth.
When he finally opened his eyes, he still hadn’t decided what came next, but Santino had been right about one thing.
Miles couldn’t pretend this meant nothing anymore.