21. Chapter 20
Austin - The Past
What a rollercoaster today has been. After the run-in with Dad, I’m mentally exhausted. I kept it civil. Instead of fighting, both physically and verbally, I stuck to keeping my distance and glaring at him from across the room.
I’m not exhausted enough to skip out on the senior class celebration at the Rolling R though. Especially not when I have permission to drive Raegan there.
The radio plays softly in the background, and I’m content with the silence. Raegan's hand is warm and soft in mine where they lay intertwined on the seat between us.
“You doing a little better now?” Her words are quiet, almost as if she’s afraid to ask.
Her thumb rubs a circle over my one knuckle, sending a thrill of warmth to my chest and a smile to my face.
“I debated saying this…” I hear her swallow.
“I can see the resemblance to your dad.” Her other hand comes over and rubs my bicep.
“But you’re more handsome, and you have a better heart.
” I tear my eyes from the road to take a quick peek at her.
“And I love you more for your heart than for your looks.”
It stings that I look like the man I hate. Maybe that’s too strong a word, but I certainly despise him. But I am glad that she sees more than just my looks. But she does think I’m handsome, so there’s that.
I add my truck to the long line of trucks lining the drive of the Rolling R. I know that I’ll be by Raegan's side all evening, but this is my chance to sneak in a kiss or two.
I pull the key from the ignition and twist in my seat, taking Raegan in, illuminated by the glow of the sunset.
She’s still wearing her flowy pink dress.
Her cheeks and lips are pink to match it.
And her gray-blue eyes are focused on me, a softness to them that I only see when it’s just me and her.
I’m assuming that the softness is the look of love.
Her outward beauty might have been the first thing I noticed ten months ago, on that first day of school.
But there’s also her spunk, her wit, her kindness, and her love for God that attract me to her as well.
She’s compassionate, caring, smart. And dang, can she bake and cook.
Everything I want in the woman I spend the rest of my life with.
Using my index finger, I push a lock of hair behind her ear, then slide my thumb to her chin.
My eyes flit from her eyes to her lips and back in silent permission.
As I lean toward her, she reaches up and cups my cheek.
Her lips, warm and soft under mine. They move in a slow dance, speaking emotions that we can’t find the words to convey.
One of her hands grips the back of my neck and the other slides down and rests on my thigh.
A flame sparks there, and fire flows from her fingertips, spreading through my whole body.
I can’t help but deepen the kiss, my tongue skimming her watermelon flavored lips.
My pulse takes off like a rocket and I lift a hand to bring it to her waist. But she pulls away before I get the chance.
“We should stop.” Her words are a throaty whisper. Her forehead rests against mine, and her eyes are half-lidded with a desire I’ve never seen there before. I know what it means. We need to leave the truck before we step outside the boundaries.
She flings her hand away from my leg, as if it were on fire. I watch as it trembles, before she sets it on her heaving chest. “Let’s go see what everyone is up to.”
This moment just now is as far as we’ve ever gone in our physical displays of affection. Even though I know it’s wrong for us to go any further, I can’t help but want it. Can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if she’d left her hand on my thigh.
I nod and slide out of the truck as I pocket my keys.
Holding out my hand, I help her slide across the bench seat, then grab her waist and swing her around before setting her on the ground.
She still has on the heels that Jaimie convinced her to wear earlier.
Even with them on, she’s still shorter than me, but I like how much closer her face comes to mine right now.
Without words, we lace our fingers together and walk up the drive.
Sharing these secret intimate glances makes my stomach twist around with excitement and another feeling I can’t quite name.
We slowly walk up the drive, greeted by the light of the bonfire.
Cinders dance in the air. Laughter, music, and conversation reach my ears.
“Raegan!” Chrissy yells from across the yard.
“Y’all late ‘cause you were making out?” I watch as Raegan’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of pink.
They match mine. We’re both guilty, but I don’t feel bad for doing what we did.
We’re in a relationship, and it’s only natural to display our feelings.
Yeah, I know that there are limits, but I don’t think we did anything wrong.
We’ve never pushed the line, never gotten to a point where we couldn’t come back from. We’re good. We’re doing it God’s way.
“Wanna grab some drinks? I’m not hungry yet.” Raegan asks as she squeezes my hand.
“Sure.” I give her a squeeze back. Chrissy joins us as we pass huge speakers blasting some country music.
The food and drink tables are set up on the porch of the abandoned ranch house, but the spot where Raegan and I had her birthday dinner is open.
Packages of snack foods and a few platters of “real” food litter the food tables.
Liters of soda, bottled water, and several packages of alcohol are set up on the drink table.
I’ve never really been tempted to try alcohol. I didn’t understand the thrill that other kids in high school got out of drinking it. If I ever try any, it won’t be until I’m over twenty-one.
“I think I’m just going to go for a bottle of water. At least there’s no punchbowl to get spiked.” Raegan says as she grabs some water bottles for us.
I grab a few snack bags and avoid the platters of brownies that are set out.
I’m certain there’s a reason there’s so many of them.
We head toward the bonfire and grab a log with the guys and Jaimie joins us as well.
I sit quietly and just watch everyone else talk.
I’ve enjoyed these nights. Enjoyed these friendships.
I’m going to miss it when I get drafted.
The last hues of orange and red slowly disappear and darkness takes over the sky.
“Can we go and dance for a little bit?” Raegan whispers, her head lying on my shoulder.
“I should probably take my shoes off first. These heels are making my feet sore, and there’s nothing like dancing barefoot in the grass.
” Her eyes sparkle in the firelight, and I’m powerless to deny her request even if I wanted to.
And I don’t want to. I’ll take every chance that I can get to hold her in my arms.
“I can’t say ‘no’ to you.” My voice is throaty and low, and I watch as she shivers at the sound. Raegan removes her sandals and I hold out a hand to help her to her feet. I clutch her fingers in mine and we head toward an open patch of grass.
My eyes fall closed as she loops her arms around my neck and rests her head on my chest. The rhythm of the music surrounds us, and we just glide across the grass, nothing else existing around us.
The song changes, it’s Watermelon Moonshine , a new one by Lainey Wilson that just came out. I know that Lainey is one of Raegan's favorite artists, so it’s no surprise when her head pops up at the change of tune.
“Mmmmm,” she hums, “I really like this song. I don’t know why, it just makes me feel light and floaty.”
“I like it, because you like it.” I whisper and pull her closer so that every inch of our bodies touches. Her fingers twirl in my hair and she hums as we sway together. Her eyes are soft and dark, her eyelids lowered in a seductive manner. I’m hypnotized by her.
She sings along, her face lighting up any time the phrase about the guy and the girl comes up. My chest tightens as I watch her. If I had it my way, we’d stay right here, in this embrace, forever.
I want to hold her forever. Marry her, make her mine. Us, together forever. Holding each other like this every night. Falling asleep together, waking up beside each other.
I lean down so that our foreheads touch. I close my eyes. Letting my senses take over, writing this moment into my memory.
The bonfire crackling.
The smoke wrapping around us, filling my nostrils.
The energy that pulses through me from every spot that brushes against her.
The coconut smell from her hair as my nose brushes the silky strands.
Her skin, smooth and warm beneath my fingertips.
Another song begins playing. It’s slower. Deeper. More intimate. A longing builds up inside me. I can’t get close enough to her. I want a deeper connection with her. I want… her.