25. Chapter 24
Raegan - The Past
Our little gang is all gathered at Freddy’s because Austin told us he had something to share with us. The sounds of chatter and spoons in sundae glasses, the smell of hot fudge and fresh waffles cones fall away. My spoon lands on the table with a thud.
His dream is coming true. The plan he has for his life, it’s happening.
All of his hard work has paid off. His hitting, catching, and throwing skills are worthy of playing for a minor league team.
And the fact that he got drafted right out of high school…
Most guys end up playing college ball before getting drafted, from what Austin has told me.
My vision tunnels in on Austin. I can already see him wearing the Lariat’s colors: maroon and tan. The maroon will make his emerald eyes pop.
“You’re serious?” I know I’ve asked the question about five times now, but I still can’t wrap my head around it.
His warm hands rest on my shoulders and he shakes me as he repeats himself. “One thousand percent serious. Rae, I’m really going to play professional baseball.”
I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a bigger smile on his face.
“We’re talking a team like the Lariats? Right?” I say once I can finally formulate something other than you’re serious . My mouth gapes open as if it’s the Grand Canyon. “Like you… in professional baseball pants?”
“Um, it’s minor league, so it’s more like the Spurs. And I’ll be wearing a Jersey, with my name and number, too.” Austin tilts his head and raises one eyebrow.
Chrissy’s laughter along with her elbow in my ribs jar me to my senses, and I tear my eyes from Austin’s.
“He doesn’t know, silly.” Chrissy whisper-yells in my ear.
“What don’t I know?” Austin’s eyebrow notches higher on his forehead.
“That Raegan has a thing for guys in baseball pants.”
“Is that so?”
My cheeks flame in response to Austin’s question.
“So, you’re a fan of baseball just for the butts?” He leans in close, his eyes filled with a teasing glint.
This man. Always making me swoon. I pull my features into a serious, grown up look. “I enjoy baseball, in general.” I try to say it with a cool, calm air, but it comes out with a laugh. “The butts are just an added bonus.”
“Why is this something I’m just now hearing about?
” He presses a tiny kiss to my nose. “I’ve played a whole season of baseball.
You’ve seen my butt plenty in my baseball pants and never said a word.
” He shakes a finger at me as his smile spreads.
“And I can’t say that I remember ever finding you with your eyes glued to my butt. ”
I blush harder, and twiddle my fingers in my lap.
“I just didn’t want to come across as too…
” I pause, trying to find the right word to say.
“Flirty.” Really, I just didn’t want to cross our boundaries.
I didn’t want to draw attention to a part of his body I liked and possibly steer our conversation to a place where we might make a mistake.
“Well, from now on, every time I put on my pants, I’ll be thinking of you.” Austin leans in and kisses my cheek.
Carson asks from his spot across the table. “So, when do you have to report in, or whatever they call it?”
“I have to be in Atlanta, at the Bottle Caps stadium in two days.”
Atlanta. Two days . The words get stuck in my head. No.
“A-Atlanta?” The words fall out of my mouth. That’s too far away. Our relationship will be long distance. He’ll be so busy playing, practicing, training… Will he even have time for me?
A sad smile covers his handsome face, and he pulls me against his side. Tears want to fall from my eyes. I figured it would be a local team.
“Why Atlanta? Why not here, with the Silver Spurs? Will you even h-have time for us anymore?” Not now tears, not now . I beg them to stay away. I don’t want to cry in front of all of my friends.
Austin turns and faces me. “Rae, I will always have time for you.”
“But you’ll be so far away. What if they work you so hard you don’t have time to call, or to visit?”
“Rae, I will always make time for you. Whether I’m here, or there.” His eyes are like a dark forest. So warm. So sincere. My mind races with a million what-if questions.
I can feel anger beginning to bubble. “Can’t you ask for a transfer to a team here? A team in Texas?” I’m starting to sound whiny. I could follow him there. Find a job and apartment. Maybe even explore the possibility of college.
“It doesn’t work that way. I could’ve turned it down, but it’s not often that a dream like this comes true.
I couldn’t say no. This is my dream. My once in a lifetime.
Maybe...” He trails off, and a far away look fills his eyes.
With a shake of his head his eyes clear and he’s back in the present. “I have to go, Rae. I have to.”
Slowly I come back to the present and realize that we’ve nearly had a fight in front of all of our friends. We’ve never fought over anything. I don’t want to fight, ever. And definitely not in front of our friends.
Carson clears his throat and lifts his milkshake. “A toast to Austin.” Everyone around the tables lifts their glasses as well. “To Austin. May you play your best, hit a thousand home runs, and be a light for Christ.”
I smile at the sounds of the glasses clinking. But inside, jealousy and anger are bubbling. He’s choosing baseball over me.
Evening before Austin leaves
Austin:
Can’t wait for our picnic. On my way over. *kiss emoji*
I apply a smidgen of makeup and stare at my reflection.
I’m dreading tonight, but looking forward to it at the same time.
We haven’t been alone together since graduation night, but since he’s leaving in the morning and this is our goodbye we want to be alone.
And I approved it with my parents. They understand.
I doubt anything will happen, I’m too heartbroken to even think about making out right now.
And we’ve always stopped before things have gone too far.
“So, you have all the food, and the plates and cups?” Mom takes a peek into the picnic basket that I’ve been working on.
I even snagged some bottles of my favorite watermelon lemonade for this occasion.
If mom made it all the time, I would drink a gallon of it every day, but she says it’s only for special occasions, and I found some forgotten bottles from last time.
“Yes, Mom. I made sure I got it all.” I try to keep my voice light.
Hide the sadness that wants to overwhelm me.
I smile at her, and she sees right through it.
She pulls me tight against her, and her smell–faint perfume and fresh baked bread–comforts me.
She pulls back and places her hands on my shoulders.
I expect a little lecture about boundaries and all that.
“You know your boundaries. Go have a good time with Austin,” she tells me, her voice soft, “and remember that life is choices, choices have consequences, make the right choices.” She presses a kiss to my forehead.
A knock echoes from the front hall, and the hinges of the screen door squeal as it opens. “I’m here,” Austin’s voice floats down the hall.
“We’re in the kitchen,” I answer back. “Love you, Mom.” I give her a quick peck on the cheek before heading for the front hall, picnic basket in hand.
“I’ll carry the basket for you.” Austin stretches out his hand, the muscles in his forearm rippling.
My heart goes pitter-patter. Not because of the muscles in front of me, but the smile, and the person behind those muscles and that smile. And the fact that after today, I don’t know when I’ll see him again.
He opens the front door and waves to my mom.
“Y’all have a good time,” she calls.
I follow him silently to his truck. “I’ve got a blanket in the back, and a lantern, in case it gets dark early. You ready, Sunshine?”
I love it when he calls me sunshine. “I’m excited for our picnic.
” The words almost get stuck in my throat.
The sadness and excitement wage a battle inside me, and I know it shows on my face and in my voice.
I climb up into the truck and slide to the middle of the bench seat and Austin sets the picnic basket on the seat beside me.
In seconds, he’s around to the driver's side, sliding in, then pressing against my side, his scent enveloping me.
“Do you have to go?” I finally whisper a few minutes into our drive.
“I want to stay. I want to be here with you.” His hand finds mine and settles on my thigh.
“But this is a dream come true–not that you aren’t,” he rubs his thumb over my knuckles.
“I have to do this, Rae. I have to follow this dream. And one day, you’ll join me, I’ll see your face after every home game, and we’ll celebrate every win together.
” He stops the truck and looks me in the eye, his hand on my cheek.
“Let's go have a little picnic, watch the sunset. Then we’ll say goodbye. But I promise we’ll see each other as soon as the season ends. ”
“Every day will feel like a lifetime until you get back or I get to be with you.” I don’t hide my tears and he wipes them away. “I feel like you’re choosing baseball over me. Don’t I matter? Don’t we matter?”
“I have to do this. I promise everything will be okay.” He starts to drive again, heading toward my favorite spot on my parent’s ranch. “Let’s just think about right now, enjoy what we have right now, okay?”
“I want to know, Austin. I want to know that I matter to you.” I pound a fist against my thigh. “Are you choosing baseball over me? Why?” I sound so ridiculously selfish right now. But I don’t care.
His hand squeezes mine. “We’ll talk about it later, Rae. Right now, I just want to be with you.”