Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
Iwas dreaming.
Everything was the same—the full moon, the scratches on my arms, the burning in my lungs as I ran for my life. All the details were the same.
But at the same time, everything was different.
From the first instant I dropped into this horrific scene, I recognized it for what it was.
A dream.
The dream I’d suffered through thousands of times before. The one where I always died, screaming in agony.
Always…
Except last time, I’d changed the script. I’d fought back.
I’d still lost, but I’d fought…and I could fight again.
I could learn from my mistakes. I’d start my counterattack sooner, while I still had strength.
I’d pick a bigger branch—one that wouldn’t shatter on impact.
And I wouldn’t run immediately after making contact with the bastard’s skull.
I’d hit him again…and again…and again. I wouldn’t stop until I was absolutely sure he was never getting up again.
I’d run this route so many times that I had this part of the forest memorized. I knew there was a fallen log up ahead, right after I threaded between the twin redwood saplings sprouting from the sides of a burned-out stump. I bent over as I sprinted through, scooping it up without missing a step.
It wasn’t easy, though. The broken slab of solid wood was about as long and heavy as a sledgehammer. It was at the upper limit of what I could wield.
My arms shook as I dug in my heels, stretched out my arms, and spun like a top.
The log connected with my attacker—but not in the head this time. I wasn’t strong enough to keep the weapon at that high an angle. Instead, it hit him square in the chest.
A violent crack sounded…and an even more violent shockwave travelled up my arms, throwing me off balance.
Desperate to stay upright, I let go of the log, but the rotational force of my swing was too strong to recover from. My feet slipped out from under me as I tumbled to the forest floor.
Even worse, the alpha’s torso had easily absorbed the stronger blow. Unlike last time, he didn’t seem dazed at all.
Good to know. Going forward, I’d stick to headshots.
It was the last thought that shot through my mind before the beast descended, going straight for my throat, moving so fast that his already shadowy features were a blur.
No, that wasn’t quite right. It wasn’t my last thought.
Because, as it turned out, some parts of the dream stubbornly refused to change.
As teeth pierced my flesh and claws dug into my chest, the memory of Tauren’s face filled my head. His name erupted from my lips. He was the last thing I thought of before death swaddled me in its cocoon.
He would always be the last.
“You’re sure you’re all right?”
Yeah, I’m sure! I’ve told you a hundred times since three o’clock this morning. I’m fucking fine.
But I bit my tongue, swallowing down the irritated snipe. It wouldn’t be fair to lash out at him like that. He was just concerned.
It couldn’t be easy sleeping next to someone who woke up screaming your name in terror every night. Hell, I’d been the one doing it for seven years straight, and I still wasn’t used to it.
And I certainly wasn’t used to these new developments.
Two lucid dreams in a row.
Two fighting chances to change my fate.
Not that I was about to tell Tauren about either one of them…and certainly not the part where I still ended up a mangled corpse on the ground. It wouldn’t do any good. I already knew what he’d say.
I won’t let that happen.
And that would be the end of the conversation.
No, for right now, I figured it would be best to keep this new development to myself.
I still had two weeks, after all. As long as the lucid dreaming kept up, that gave me fourteen more nights to try out new ideas against whichever snarling monster in the village wanted to rip my throat out. Eventually, I’d find something that would work.
I had to.
Pulling last night’s dress back over my head, I drew in a deep breath and pasted on my best professional smile before turning toward Tauren.
“I’m good,” I said with a nod. “I promise. Now hand me that belt.”
Without looking, he wrapped his hand around the leather strap and tossed it my way. “I don’t believe you.”
Shit.
I’d been successfully downplaying my own emotions to make others more comfortable for years now. Sure, it might not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but damn, if it didn’t make daily life run smoother and easier.
At this point, I was a master at it. I had everybody tricked—colleagues, friends, family.
So, why couldn’t I fool Tauren?
“Okay,” I said, letting out a sharp exhale as I finished tying the makeshift belt around my waist. “Fine. I’m nervous because there are a lot of people outside right now who are pinning their high hopes on me, and I’m scared I’m going to let them down.”
It wasn’t the whole truth. Not even close—just a sliver of what was tumbling around in my head—but I knew it would be the easiest part for Tauren to deal with. A tangible problem for him to focus on, rather than constantly worrying about my safety.
And it worked.
In an instant, his arms were around me, holding me close.
“You won’t let anyone down,” he assured me. “Just being here is enough to give them hope.”
Even though I hadn’t been totally honest with him, I still allowed myself a moment to sink into the comfort of his embrace. Then the guilt hit, and I pulled away.
“Then I guess we should stop wasting time in here and go outside with them,” I said, using the excuse of straightening my outfit to avoid looking Tauren in the eye.
If only I could avoid the ferus outside his door so easily.
Tauren told me they’d started showing up right after dawn. At first, it was just a couple of old friends, but then, more and more arrived. Some had been on the side of change for decades. Others who had only been moved to action by my confrontation with Drogan last night.
And it wasn’t just single alphas. There were some mated couples, too. Men and women who could see past their own self-interest and believed that the pack was headed in the wrong direction.
Tauren let me sleep as the crowd grew larger. When I finally woke up and asked why, the concern in his eyes was obvious. He said I’d needed the rest…and the annoying thing was, he was probably right.
After waking up drenched in sweat, I’d managed to roll over and go back to sleep until nearly noon. Clearly, it was going to take me some time to adjust to the physical demands of this new life.
Just in time to have my heart ripped out.
I felt awkward as hell stepping out onto the porch as Tauren held the door for me. All conversation trickled to a stop as three dozen pairs of eyes turned my way. I scanned the crowd for any familiar, friendly faces—Kyre or Calindra—but didn’t recognize anyone.
Feeling alone and without last night’s anger at Drogan to focus on, my anxiety rose. My cheeks began to burn with the embarrassment of self-awareness.
“Hey, um, sorry I slept so late,” I said, giving what had to be the world’s dorkiest wave. When the awkward silence stretched on, I felt the pressure to say more. “Please don’t mind me.”
But the silence didn’t stop.
Not until a voice rose up from the group.
“Oh, for Fates’ sake. Everybody, stop staring at the poor girl like she’s lunch.” I spotted Tauren’s cousin, Cenric, of all people, pushing his way up to the porch. “Can’t you see we’re scaring her? Now go back to what you were doing.”
Where had he been hiding? I hadn’t seen him a second ago.
One by one, people started to turn away. Conversations started up again. I gave my surprise savior a weak smile as Tauren clapped him appreciatively on the shoulder.
“Thank you, cousin,” he said. “I’m glad to see I can count on you to look after Hannah.”
“Of course. We’re family after all,” Cenric nodded before turning to me with a faint smile. “Besides, Nelissa said she’d have my head if I didn’t bring you over to introduce you to her first.”
My brows pulled together. “Nelissa?”
“My mate.”
Of course, Cenric had a mate. If he didn’t, Drogan would have never accepted him as his heir.
“I’d love to meet her.”
Tauren nodded.
“Go ahead,” he said. “I need to finish talking with a few alphas about our plans for the next bonfire. I’ll find you once I’m done.”
He would?
I was surprised. He hadn’t let me out of his sight since he’d first scooped me up in front of the Wall. Last night, he hadn’t even been willing to let go of my hand. I figured these people must be incredibly faithful allies for him to trust them so deeply.
Especially his cousin.
Though that was a hard one for me to wrap my head around.
“Thank you for helping me out,” I said as Cenric led me off the porch and toward a circle of trees about twenty yards from Tauren’s door. “Though, I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you here this morning.”
Cenric glanced my way out of the corner of his eye. “Why’s that?”
Was he really going to pretend he didn’t know? “Because of your relationship with Tauren’s father.”
“Oh, that.” A humorless smile flashed over his face. “You’re worried Drogan asked me to come here and spy on you.”
I shot him a side eye of my own. “I mean, now that you mention it.”
“Well, you’re right,” he said. “That’s exactly what he did. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to do it…at least, not the way he hopes.”
My brows pulled together. “What does that mean?”
Another smile—a sharper one this time, like a hunter who’d just heard the spring of his trap.
“You have to understand,” Cenric said. “Drogan didn’t choose me as his heir after disowning my cousin because we see eye to eye. The most important thing to the old man is that the legacy of pack leadership remains in our family line. He only chose me because he had no other choice.”
Well…that was shockingly honest.
In my admittedly limited time around the ferus, this was the first time I’d heard one show even the slightest humility. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or skeptical.
“And you don’t want to be Lykaon?”