Chapter 20
ASH
Note to future self: Dilaudid makes me horny as fuck.
It also seems to do something to what should be my inhibitions because I can’t seem to make myself stop kissing Jace. I should be worried about that. Why am I not worried?
Oh, right. Pain medication.
A twinge moves up my left arm as a reminder, but I stop caring about the pain damn near immediately.
My attention is needed elsewhere: on the lips of this delicious bear of a man that has been next to me for the last three years and I have been too chickenshit to even hint at my attraction for fear I would lose him altogether.
Fear. That should help pull me back. I don’t want to fuck up our friendship.
Fuck.
Fucking sounds so good right now.
I feel empty.
My toy is still in my dresser. My dresser is next door.
“I need my toy,” I manage to get out between kisses.
God, how the fuck did he ever learn to kiss like this? I will mangle whoever taught him. Shit… I’m not the possessive type. Who am I kidding? Of course, I am. I just haven’t let myself acknowledge it before.
My people are my people. Jace is my giant biker teddy bear.
“Use me,” Jace grunts and grabs something from the small nightstand next to the bed.
Lube. Good idea.
Speaking of… actually, it’s probably a very bad idea, but I am taking advantage of the whole not caring thing my brain is doing right now.
I will likely regret a whole hell of a lot about this in the morning. Right now? I cannot give a single fuck about consequences even if I wanted to.
“Good toys don’t move,” I whisper against his lips and great googly moogly, I think he just got bigger. “Be a good toy for me, Jace.”
As I sit up to pull away from the kiss, Jace is doing his best to do what I asked.
He lets his hands fall to his sides and only moves his eyes to watch as I stand up to fling away his t-shirt and the shorts.
The quick little gasp from his still parted lips tells me he forgot about the panties.
Feeling mischievous, I squat above his face to take the lube from his hand, only glancing over my shoulder to watch the struggle showing on his face from his effort to stay still.
Ugh, I’ve missed this kind of a rush.
I don’t often get to take the lead in the bedroom anymore.
In the hook-up scene, so many people associate bottoming with being submissive and that just isn’t true.
I’m vers for the most part, but I prefer to bottom.
Unfortunately, my issues with strangers trying to assert authority over me tends to lead me to topping in most hook-up situations.
I haven’t had someone even curious enough to attempt doll play in… whatever, I’m about to make my Biker Bear’s day judging by the way he’s going to hyperventilate if I don’t get started. I guess I should stop teasing him and take off the panties.
“Can I speak before you start?” Jace gasps out when the lace joins the rest of the clothes I was wearing on the other side of the room.
I turn to him and nod like a regent granting a boon.
“Sit on my face. Choke me with your cock. Ride me until dawn. I’m good with all of it.
I am your toy to use as you want, but if possible, I would rather not bottom. ”
Some of my cockiness – not my cock-hardness – disappears with the vulnerability in his voice. Him not wanting to bottom is absolutely perfect for what I want for tonight.
“I promise. Nothing will go into you in any way without prior permission from you. And you know you can…”
“Safeword. Yep. Club rules apply. I’m your toy, your teddy… ready to be played with…”
“Shut up, my darling Biker Bear,” I say with a chuckle as I lower my ass over his mouth and remove his ability to speak while I take the lube and start stroking his beast of a cock that I am so going to love dropping down on over and over for the next however long he ends up lasting.
Maybe I should take a trip to Aunt Sally’s and get him a cock ring?
Wrapping my right hand around him, I feel the tension in his body release as he relaxes into his task of preparing me with only his mouth.
God, he’s gonna burn in the best way. Suddenly, I’m not feeling ashamed anymore at being a bit of a size queen when it comes to my toys. Jace is maybe slightly thicker than my favorite toy, but he is definitely going to hit a bit deeper.
Fuck it. I can’t wait any longer. I awkwardly manage to turn myself around without using my left arm at all – yay me for coordination!
“Be a good toy for me, my little Biker Bear. No moving. No noises. Just let me play with you as long as I want.”
The fire in his eyes makes my stomach tighten in need as I reach back to open myself up with two fingers coated in the lube.
For hook-ups, I would absolutely be using a condom, but Jace is different.
I know he got himself tested right before Gerry moved in because he was being overly cautious in case social services requested it.
I haven’t been with anyone in… way too fucking long to need to be worried, especially since I got tested during my annual checkup since it’s covered by my insurance. Well, it was covered when I had it.
The way his cock twitches against my ass cheek reminds me of where my focus should be, and the fact that doubts are starting to creep in tells me that my lack of inhibitions is wearing off. Should I keep going? Is it right to pretend I’m not in control anymore?
I mean, I was always in control. I just didn’t care about the consequences for myself…
The slick head of Jace’s cock twitches again in my hand, and… fuck it. If I’m going to go to hell, it’s better to go limping with an ass full of cum and a voice lost from pleasure.