Chapter 19
Khenji
My fingers coil into tight fists as she walks towards me. Her body fits the gown to perfection. It’s all white with lace sleeves and a low neckline. Around her neck is the diamond necklace I gave her as a gift. My palms are clammy, speaking to the nervousness I feel. I’m in awe of her. I felt it when we met and I feel it now. It’s a pull that tightens my stomach. It’s the way I have to force myself to breathe. To pinch myself to know that this is real.
She takes more steps toward me. I’m at a loss how this woman chose me. Me? Of all the men in this world, she chose me. It’s not like I’m worthy of her. I know I’m not. But she looks at me like I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her. That look will never get old.
When she’s closer, I catch more of her beauty. Her hair is done in curls that resemble tossed waves. Her makeup is flawless, but I prefer her without it. She needs no enhancements. The glitter on her lids makes her eyes appear deeper in color as they glisten with tears.
She’s emotional.
I’m emotional.
I’m a wreck because this wasn’t supposed to happen to me, but by the grace of God, it has. I’m convinced there’s no other being who could’ve made this happen.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her now that she’s standing directly in front of me.
“And you look handsome.”
A tear falls from her left eye.
One falls from my right.
“We’re already crying and we haven’t exchanged vows yet,” she says.
“That’s because we’ve already exchanged vows in our hearts.”
“Yes, we have.”
“Then I guess you two don’t need me, then,” the officiant says and snickers.
Once I laid eyes on Livia, I forgot he was standing there.
Livia chuckles and tells him, “We only need you to make it legal and memorable.”
“Ah, perfect. Then let me do my duty and get out of your way because he looks like he wants to bite you right now.”
“I hope so,” Livia responds.
I’m so focused on her that I don’t say a word. I’m lost – thinking about all the things my father said to me. How I was a nobody. No one could love me. I didn’t deserve anything. I was a pain in his rear. I was the reason his life was ruined – the reason my mother’s life was ruined. I lock eyes with Livia. Now, I’m about to ruin hers.
“Excuse me,” I say and step away from her.
“Khenji,” Livia says, following me. “Khenji, what’s wrong?”
I keep walking until she grabs my hand. I stop and look at her.
“Khenji, what’s wrong?”
“Livia, this is your last chance to walk away from me.”
She frowns. “Walk away from you? Why would I want to do that?”
“I, um…”
“Khenji?”
“I want you to be sure that I’m right for you, because I don’t feel like I am, but…but I—I want you, Livia.”
“I want you, too. Listen, Khenji. Look at me when I say this.”
I stare deep into her eyes and feel her hands rest on my face.
She says, “There is nothing that will take me away from you. Do you trust me when I say that?”
“I do.”
“Then there’s nothing for you to fear regarding us. I know you didn’t have the best upbringing, and I know that has taken a toll on you, but trust me when I say I love you unconditionally. We have our future to look forward to. Our lives. Our children’s lives. We have so much love to give each other and I know you want the best for me, but don’t be afraid for me, Khenji. Be afraid with me. We’re on this journey together.”
I smile and say, “This is why I love you.” I lean down to kiss her lips.
The officiant clears his throat to get our attention then says, “You’re supposed to be doing that over here.”
We both chuckle. Taking her hand, we go back over to the officiant. He proceeds with the ceremony and I look upon my soon-to-be wife in sheer delight. Through her eyes, I can see the love she has for me and our future life together.
“I do,” I say.
The minister says, “We haven’t got there yet, sir.”
“I’m trying to be patient, but it’s not working.”
Livia smiles. Another tear falls.
The minister tells us we’re free to exchange vows at this time. I tell Livia to go first. She starts off by saying, “I have to be the luckiest woman in the world to have caught your eye, Khenji Halifax. With you, I feel like I can do anything. I feel free. I feel loved. And those are all the things I want you to feel when you’re with me. I want you to feel free to be yourself. You’re safe with me. I will love you for the rest of my life. I will honor you. I will be your lover, your cheerleader, your provider of relief after a long day. Whenever and however you need me, I will never say no to you. I’m yours forever.”
After I’m able to catch my breath following the beautiful words she spoke to me, I respond, “Thank you for saying those words to me, Livia. They mean so much because I know I’m unworthy and I have a lot of reasons why that is true. You know I’m a flawed man—yet you still accept me. You love me. How could I ever repay you for that? I’m forever indebted to you for accepting me the way I am. Thank you for choosing me to be your husband.”
And before this minister can pronounce us as husband and wife, I hold her face between my hands and kiss her softly and passionately, allowing our tongues to dissolve into each other until she loses her footing. And when she does, that’s my cue to go deeper, licking every corner of her mouth as she moans. I feel her body writhing and for some reason, it makes me shift the other direction and deepen the kiss even more, sucking on her tongue, getting a serving of this taste I could never get enough of. It’s like a drug – she’s a drug – and I’m thoroughly addicted.
After I end the kiss, she looks into my eyes with a flushed, heat-stricken face and says, “I think we were supposed to exchange rings.”
“I like exchanging kisses better,” I tell her and lower my mouth to hers once again, taking small, intimate kisses – sucking her lips and flicking my tongue across them. I glide my tongue across her chin. I trace her lips and then leave a kiss on the tip of her nose. I don’t know if I’m kissing her correctly. I honestly don’t care. I can only love her the only way I know how and I won’t let lack of experience stop me from exploring. Besides, she doesn’t seem bothered by it at all. It’s not the first time I’ve licked her face, and it won’t be the last.
I slide the radiant diamond ring onto her finger. It twinkles and glistens beneath the light. She slides the band onto my finger and then kisses it, looking back up at me.
The officiant says, “I would say you lovebirds can kiss now, but that’s already been done, so congratulations! I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
“Thank you,” Livia tells the man right before I lean down and kiss her lips once more.