Chapter 20
Khenji
We return to the penthouse close to midnight after our photo shoot. And we had dinner fit for royalty. We held hands and perused the streets of this culture-rich city. And now, we’re on a high – something I’ve never experienced before. She’s as happy as I’ve ever seen her.
I noticed she got quieter as we got closer to the resort, so I watched her as we entered and quietly analyzed her for a few minutes to figure out what may be on her mind.
“Are you having second thoughts?” I ask, loosening my bowtie.
“About what?”
“Us.”
“No, absolutely not! Why would you think that?”
“You’ve been quiet. I know you’re thinking about something.”
“I was thinking about how life would be with you, but I need to be concentrating more on this night, I suppose. Plus, you said I could touch you. You can’t back out now.”
“I won’t.”
“Good, because I’m good and full, I’ve had two glasses of champagne and now I want you.”
She unzips her dress. I don’t know how she contorted her arms and got back there, but she did. And she’s biting her lip. Desire burns in her eyes. I would be intimidated if I wasn’t so curious about how all of this would go down. I want this so much with her. I want to deliver pleasure she’s never had before. Pleasure I’ve never had before, but that comes with pleasing her. This has never been about me.
Walking over to her, I move her dress over her shoulders until it falls to the floor. Beneath it, she has on a sheer lace bra and panty set that contrasts well with her cappuccino brown skin. It’s a different experience seeing her body – her curves – in clothes versus seeing her now.
My eyes outline her waist and the way it cinches before her hips. I take in the shape of her thighs, her arms, the curve of her shoulders and the distinction of her collarbone. I’m completely filled with wonderment. She’s breathtaking.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“Nothing, I’m—”
I swallow the knot in my throat when she unbuttons my vest, then continues on my shirt. My body shivers when she unbuttons my shirt. I feel her fingers graze my chest. She takes off the cufflinks and pulls my shirt off like she’s unwrapping a gift.
Her eyes take in my chest, but she doesn’t touch me. She looks at me and asks, “May I?”
“You may,” I say, but I’m not ready to feel her bare hands against my flesh, touching welts. I fear it will bring back memories, but to my surprise, it doesn’t. It feels nice. I love her touch. It’s sensual. It awakens me.
“Mmm,” I grunt and close my eyes as she explores.
Her hands rest on my pectorals. A chill runs through me as I fight to embrace this feeling. Deep breath after deep breath pumps through my lungs and I remain steady, allowing her to explore my body. She moves her hands over my pectorals, then over my shoulders and back to my chest again. Then she presses her face to my chest and inhales. I listen as she moans and closes her arms around my back.
“Oh, Khenji. I love this. I love being this close to you.”
I don’t respond. I just feel. I feel her love for me. She trusts me – trusts that I will never hurt her. I won’t hurt her despite my past. I keep saying that to myself to program it into my mind.
“Are you okay?” she asks, sensing my uneasiness.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure, Khenji? I want you to be sure?”
“I am sure. I love you and I do want this. I’m just pacing myself. For your sake.”
“For my sake?”
Yes, because you’re waking up a sleeping giant in more ways than one, and I’m not sure neither are tamed enough for you.
“I don’t want you to hold back anything with me, Khen. I want us to explore each other and just be…free.”
“Okay, sweetheart.”
I watch her walk over to the bed, climb inside and wait for me to join her. I loosen my pants, and with only a pair of boxers on, I walk over and get beneath the covers with her. Face to face, we stare at each other and only talk with our eyes. I’m apprehensive still, but she’s carefree andready to be uninhibited with me. She’s comfortable and she probably shouldn’t be.
“Khenji, baby?”
“Yes?”
She smiles. “Why are you just lying here staring at me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No. I also want to give you time to rest.”
“Rest?” She giggles. “We’re not supposed resting.”
“Okay, then. I’m giving you time to brace yourself.”
“For what?”
“For this.” I take her hand and pull it beneath the cover.
Her eyes grow big. “Whoa,” she utters. “What in the kneecap was that? Was that your knee?”
“No, my girl.”
She looks beneath the covers for confirmation about what she just felt and slams the covers down while staring up at the ceiling, smiling. “Oh my. How am I scared and excited at the same time?”
“There’s no need for you to be scared. Whatever happens, I won’t hurt you.”
“Yeah…not intentionally.”
“Not ever.” I correct her.
“Some things can’t be helped, Khenji, and that’s one of them.”
I slide closer to her, then position myself so that I’m completely covering her body. Using my elbows for support, I hold myself up and stare down at her, in awe of her. Her eyes, lips, nose, her lashes, eyebrows, even her hairline – I’m completely enthralled by her. And she’s mine. All of her.
She smiles beautifully, then nibbles her bottom lip. “I love how this feels, Khenji.”
Her fingertips graze my back before they travel to my neck, my head and now resting on my face.
A racing pulse has my mind in a tizzy.
“Are you okay?” she asks softly.
“Yes,” I say evenly. Then I lower my face closer to hers, and say, “I love all of you. Everything I do to you will come from my heart. I never want you to forget this night, andI will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t.”
I lower my lips to hers, kissing her with intention the same as I did when we exchanged vows, only this time, I’m holding her hostage beneath me, smelling her lotion and feeling the softness of her warm skin – of her entire body – pressed to mine. Her warmth sets me on fire and I love this heat we share. I also love how she kisses me – how her tongue grabs and latches on to mine. Pulls mine. She’s thorough. She knows what I need, and she’s not afraid to give it to me.
Her hands lay flat on my back – my scars. It bothers me slightly, but I embrace it because it’s her. Time didn’t heal those wounds. Her warmth is doing the healing right now.
Oh the power she possesses…
I release her mouth and kiss every spot on her face before I move down to her neck and kiss my way to her collarbone. I trace it with my tongue while she whimpers softly.
After freeing her breasts, I just look at them. She breathes rapidly and I stare, watching her chest rise and fall. I’m trying not to make it so obvious that this is my first time exploring a woman like this, but I can’t help but stare. She’s…
She’s utterly beautiful.
I touch her—them. They’re soft like pillows – looks like they were sculpted just for my hands. Their buoyancy makes my mouth water, so I follow that lead and go in for a taste.
“Mmm,” she moans, “Khenji.”
I take that to mean she likes what I’m doing. Her moans multiply significantly. Something inside of me clicks like a guide telling me how to do this – how to love her.
I move back to her mouth and kiss her again, deeply and with more need, while dragging my fingers down to her writhing stomach.
She gasps the moment I free her mouth, but I’m right back to kissing her. I suck her earlobe, her neck. I judge my success by the noise she’s making. I think I’m on the right track.
“Khenji,” she utters.
I stop immediately, look at her and ask, “Is something wrong?”
“No. I just had to say your name.”
“May I continue?”
She laughs and pants. “Yes, you may continue.”
I return to her breasts while my hand traverses her stomach and down to her center – the part of her that makes her entire body jerk when I touch it. I rip that material off, too, and then move further down her stomach so I can see it. Admire it. Study it. I’m astonished by the beauty of her. By her femininity. Her pheromones. Those underwear I collected has nothing on the real thing.
I touch her softly. She writhes and gasps – bites her lip. I do it more. Same reaction, but this time, her hips jerk off the bed.
I kiss her – her thighs, her knees and down to her toes. I pull each toe into my mouth…
Then I flip her around so she’s lying on her stomach and kiss the back of her thighs, up to her butt where I grab her thickness and squeeze. I fight back a moan at how tender her body is – so different from mine. Everything about my body is muscular and hard. She’s soft and delicate.
My tongue explores the dip in her back. My teeth graze her shoulder blades. I move her hair to kiss the nape of her neck.
“Livia, turn over so you can see me.”
I lift slightly so she can make the transition.
After she’s settled, I lower myself between her legs and ask, “Are we going to make a baby tonight?”
She looks amused, then replies, “I mean, with that thing you’re hiding in those boxers, we might.”
“I’m serious, angel. I don’t have anything to prevent—”
“You don’t need it. I have an IUD. I can’t get pregnant until it’s removed. I suppose I should’ve told you that before now.”
“So it’s fine?”
“Yes. Are you still worried?”
“I—it’s just the fact that I don’t want to share you yet. With anyone. I want you all to myself for a while.”
“Then you’ll have me all to yourself. We’re not going to make a baby tonight, Khenji. Just love.”
I smile at her and then lower my mouth to hers again, seeking her tongue while trying to connect our bodies. I’m so bad at this. I should’ve studied the female anatomy so I could be ready for this moment with her. Instead, I’m here winging it.
Livia winces and pinches her lips together so tightly, I can’t kiss her. She closes her eyes. She gasps. She looks like she’s in pain.
“Livia, are you okay?”
“Yes,” she says, sounding out of breath. “Just move your knee out of the way.”
“That’s not my knee, sweetheart.”
“Oh. Right. Jeez.”
“Should I stop?” I ask when I see that she looks worried at this point.
“No, you shouldn’t. Make love to me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s only temporary.”
My body stills and I repeat, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Khenji, listen—you won’t hurt me, but you will hear me scream and cry out for you and I may even scratch you, but it’s pure reflexes. I need you. I want this. You want this, now let’s make it happen. Okay?”
“Okay,” I say, settling and relaxing since confirming she’ll be okay through this process. I know I have to restrain myself for her sake, and I will, but first I have to join our souls physically in the same way that we’re connected mentally.
“Mmm…Khenji! Oh my—” She pauses as she grabs a hold of me. She’s squeezing me tightly as I unhurriedly unite our bodies. I feel her fingernails dig into my back.
I continue this maddening connection that’s as pleasurable as it is heart-stopping. I look at her face and see a conflicted expression that links beauty, agony, pain and pleasure. And as I navigate this tunnel that connects our hearts, her moans grow increasingly louder.
“Open your eyes, Livia. I need to see your eyes. Please.”
She opens them and my length melts into her soul as our eyes marry. It confirms everything I’ve known all along – she’s my soulmate, I’m hers and nothing will ever keep us apart.
As I finish settling, her arms close around my back. That’s my first clue that she’s okay. She lifts her head to capture my mouth. That’s the second. Now that I know she’s fine, I try to gather myself and be in the moment. I want to capture every feeling. I cannot believe I’m inside of her body right now. This is tripping me out, but at the same time, I can’t deny how immeasurably pleasurable it is to love her this way. Thirty-seven years and I finally know what it’s like to make love to a woman – my one and only.
“Ohhh,” I groan. I tried, but I couldn’t hold it in. I anticipate that’ll be a theme for the night.
“Mmm,” I utter. “Livia…”
She’s right there with me, singing a myriad of expressions that tell me I’m moving just so. It’s enough for her to be able to handle me without feeling overwhelmed, but from the way she’s gripping my back and pulling me into her, I think she wants to be overwhelmed. So, I lock my hands around her waist and give her a little more of what she wants.
She grimaces and screeches. “Khenji!”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“It is what I want!” she says, panting. Huffing. Sweat glistens on her forehead. “Give me what I want, Khenji.”
I answer her with action, moving and twisting my body, reacting to her reactions to me, delivering a whipping motion that has her closing her eyes and screaming my name from here to the motherland.
“Khenji!”
This time, I don’t stop. I keep on delivering pleasure, remembering this is about her. I kiss her again while still moving, feeling her hands on my back. Feeling her body quake beneath me.
She screams. “Khenji!”
“Baby,” I say when I watch her entire body quiver, igniting something inside of me. A throbbing. An ache. I have never experienced anything like it before and now I’m the one who’s overwhelmed. And shaking. On the brink. Teetering. Groaning. And then floodgates open and I release everything I have.
“Ah!” I frown, pinching my forehead tight. “Livia! Ah!”
I’m panting profusely, groaning and growling – body convulsing. I don’t know what it’s doing. All I know is, I’m giving a part of myself to her that only she can have. I’m making love to my woman. My wife. I take great pleasure in knowing I didn’t hurt her, and that she knows I love her. That’s the most important thing to me.
I lower to her neck and say, “I love you so much, Livia.” I sniffle. I attempt to catch my breath, but it’s not working. My body seizes, convulses and I release again.
I cry out for her, say her name over and over again and then I tell her, “You’re mine forever.”
“Oh, Khenji. You’re mine, too. Mmm,” she breathes and writhes. She screams and moans.
She strokes my back while I’m still buried in her depths. I sit up slightly to see her face and with tears in my eyes, and ask, “Do you love me, my girl? I mean really love me?”
“Yes, Khenji.”
“Then say it, Livia. Tell me you love me.”