21. Chapter 20 Katrina
M arch 2024
I pound on Josie and Bryce’s door incessantly until it flings open to reveal an annoyed, shirtless Bryce. “Kat, what the fuck?”
Blinded by my need for answers, I push past him and make my way into the apartment. I barely notice Josie stumble out of the bedroom, half asleep, as she attempts to put on her glasses. I’m not even sure what time it is, I just know it’s late. I turn to face Bryce, who takes a startled step back.
“Whoa!” He holds his hands up in surrender.
“Why do you hate Will, Bryce?” I clock the emotions as they move across his face—surprise, confusion, realization, and then defense. “The real reason.”
Josie moves to stand beside her boyfriend. “What’s going on, Kat? It’s late.”
“I’m sorry about that, Josie.” I really am sorry for waking them up, but I need to know the truth. “I just need to talk to Bryce—get some answers.”
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” He juts out his chin. “Will is an asshole who thinks he’s better than everyone else, and from what I hear, you already know that.”
“I know that Carter originally went to Nashville University with Will.” His cocky bravado drops ever so slightly. “Will never told me that. He just said he knew you guys because you swam against each other, so I never told you who he is. When he showed up, I knew there was more to it than that. Especially because no one has texted me back all weekend. Tell me the truth, Bryce.”
He doesn’t flinch; he doesn’t really give me much of anything to go off of. His loyalty to Carter is unwavering, and I’m clearly fraternizing with the enemy. “Why don’t you tell me what you think you know?”
My gaze drifts to Josie, who looks more confused than I’ve ever felt, before I finally look at Bryce. I can’t help but wonder how much of this she’s been told and if I’ll be betraying Carter by bringing it up in front of her.
“Seriously, Bryce, what’s going on?” Josie demands, and that’s his opening. It’s his one chance to get me to not talk in front of her.
But he just stares at me, challenging me to be the one who says something. I remain just as quiet as him. Carter wasn’t wrong when he said we’re both ridiculously stubborn. “Katrina thinks she has us all figured out, that’s all.”
There’s a bite to his words that I’m trying not to take too seriously. Right now, I don’t feel like I’m part of this group at all. He’s protecting Carter, though, and everyone else he cares about. Right now, all he knows is what Will is capable of and that I’m dating him. He doesn’t trust me, and I’m not sure I blame him. The only way to get him back on my side is to tell him what I know and make sure he understands how not okay I am with it.
“I was at my parent’s house for lunch today; Will and I got into a fight. Somehow, we got on the topic of you and Carter, and he has a lot of opinions about the two of you, specifically about what you’re doing with your lives after swimming and your overall success. He wanted to pretend the sport was nothing more than a hobby, but I did some research after your confrontation, and I knew it wasn’t true. Nothing he’d told me about his swimming career was true, so I called him out. As I’m sure you can imagine, he wasn’t happy with me.”
“So, he’s a pretentious prick.” Bryce shrugs. “None of this is new information to either one of us. You think I don’t know he was pissed he never made a national team, let alone the Olympic one? Jacobson hates anyone who gets what he thinks he deserves.”
I nod along with everything he says, completely agreeing. “Trust me, I know! But his reaction isn’t what was surprising. It was something he said when he dropped me off after an extraordinarily long, silent drive. I tried to get him to tell me the truth about his issues with you, but all he told me was that Carter should have been more cautious with the information he didn’t want to be public knowledge.”
Bryce stiffens up. I keep going.
“I couldn’t get it out of my head, you know? It was such a pointed thing to say, so I knew it had to mean something. I did more research. That’s how I found out they started at the same school.”
“So what?” Josie’s question is confirmation that she doesn’t know what he did. Not really. “Everyone knows Carter transferred out to Arizona. It’s not a secret. A lot of athletes do it. It usually means the team, or the school, wasn’t a good fit.”
“My question is, what made the team a bad fit?” I look back to Bryce, who’s looking a little green. It’s about to be worse. “I need the truth, Bryce. Did Will out Carter to their team without his permission?”
Beside him, Josie lets out a loud gasp. “What? No way! Bryce, you would have told me if that’s what happened.”
Bryce looks over at her, the pain evident in his eyes. “It was before we met.”
Shocked, Josie immediately tries to rationalize the information she’d been given. “No, Carter came out on his own terms. I remember the social media post about it. Mia and I were so proud of him.”
I don’t look away from Bryce. “To the rest of the world, he came out on his own terms, but I think it happened because Will gave him no other choice. I found an article from some media outlet and saw the post. He ended the post by reminding everyone they don’t owe an explanation to anyone, and they should do it on their own terms, even if it feels like the choice is being taken from them.”
Her gaze drifts back to me. “I remember that article. The only person from Nashville University they could get a comment from was Will, and it basically was what he told you tonight.”
I nod, but she’s already staring up at her boyfriend. “Is she right, Bryce? Is this why you hate him? Why you’ve always hated him?”
Now we’re both looking at Bryce, who’s gone quiet. Part of me feels guilty. It’s obvious there’s pain in thinking back on this. And I get it. I know why he never told Josie; it isn’t his story to tell. He wouldn’t betray Carter the way other people have. He probably has a real fear that anyone who finds out he’s bisexual might have a similar reaction, but that’s not who I am.
“Bryce,” Josie pleads, reaching for his hand. “What happened?”
He looks from her to me, conflicted, before he lets out a sigh. “It was a mess. I guess he saw Carter on a date with his boyfriend and took it upon himself to tell the team. Carter came into practice one morning and his locker was covered in homophobic memes and slurs. The coach did the bare minimum and Will got to be the smug bastard he is. Then he threatened to out him publicly to hold something over his head. Carter never did anything more than exist.”
I feel sick, but there’s a rage building up inside me, too. It’s something I’ve only ever felt toward ignorant people who refuse to let other people, especially queer people, exist without being discriminated against. I never thought I’d feel that way toward someone I know—someone who I once thought I could build a future with.
Whatever deadline I set for myself flies out the window. I don’t care.
Bryce looks helplessly at me, then at Josie. “That’s why it happened the way it did. What choice did he have?”
“I need to go.”
Bryce is blocking the door before I can even move, fierce protectiveness radiating from every piece of him. “Why? Where are you going?”
I sink back, realizing what he’s thinking. He thinks I’m going to say something to Carter that will hurt him more or make things worse. Maybe he thinks I’m going to run to Will in a disgustingly commiserating way, but that’s not the truth at all.
“Where do you think I’m going?” I stand up straighter, meeting his glare with a determined look of my own. “I’m going to do the thing I should have done a long time ago.”
“Kat, no,” Josie pleads. “You are not driving back to Charleston tonight.”
Realization dawns on Bryce’s face, and he relaxes against the door. In an instant, I know we’re friends again. “She’s right, Kat. You’re too angry to deal with this now.”
Josie nods. “You have every right to be angry, but don’t go there tonight. Do it tomorrow. If you can’t wait that long, then call him right now.”
I shake my head. “I need to do this in person.”
I know what they’re trying to do, but nothing will stop me now. It might seem rash to some people, but to me, it’s the final straw after a culmination of years of being treated like crap by Will and now knowing he’s done it to other people, too.
He’s fed me such bullshit over the last two years about how lucky I am to have him. How he’s the only person who could ever love someone like me, but he’s nothing more than a damn hypocrite. The superficial reasons I’m not worthy of love pales in comparison to all the aspects of his personality that make him toxic. Rather than pushing me down, he should be more concerned about what he’ll do when I finally leave.
Because I’m leaving. I’m leaving him behind and I’m going to be fine. I know that now.
Tears well up in my eyes as I look at Josie, my heart breaking for Carter. “I . . . I . . . He . . .” I stumble over my words, not even sure where I want to start.
Josie’s smile softens into something comforting and closes the short distance between us to pull me into a tight hug. “I know,” she murmurs as I hug her back. I try to keep the tears at bay, but I can already feel them tracking down my cheeks. “You deserve someone better, Kat.”
I hear Bryce excuse himself. Then he’s gently moving past us and heading back down the hall. As soon as I hear the door to their bedroom click shut behind him, I allow myself to break down the rest of the way. I can’t remember the last time I allowed myself to cry over this, but I know it’s needed. For the briefest, fleeting second, I’m mad at myself for crying over him, but then I realize I’m not. Not really.
Instead, I’m crying over what I let him do to me. To my self-esteem. I’m crying over the fact I ever let someone else dictate how much love I deserve. Most of all, I’m crying because I know I’m not the only person he’s done something like this to, and he’s nothing but manipulative and toxic. He hurts people and pushes them down; it’s what he does. For years, I told myself I could take it, but I won’t let him do it to other people. Now I’m just done dealing with it. He doesn’t get to call the shots anymore.
Instead, it’s my turn to return the favor and make him realize what it means to lose someone. First thing tomorrow morning, I’m heading to Charleston to end it.