23. Chapter 22 Carter
M arch 2024
I was going to be patient.
I was going to wait until Kat and I could have a real moment together. Where we could talk about what’s happening between us. I would not rush to her door as soon as I pulled into town. I was going to wait and do this right, maybe take her out to dinner or to get coffee or drinks.
I had a plan.
A plan that did not include showing up at her door instead of going straight to Bryce and Josie’s; but what can I do? Sometimes life has a different plan than the ones we create, and you have to just go with it. See where the road takes you.
She must have seen me pull into the driveway because she’s standing in the open doorway when I reach the porch. She’s dressed casually in a gray T-shirt and black joggers that look soft. Her hair is down and she’s staring at me shyly, biting the corner of her bottom lip. I want to free it and soothe any lingering pain with soft kisses.
“I thought you were going to Bryce and Josie’s place first and we’d catch up later.”
I shrug, coming to a stop at the porch. “I was, but there’s this person I kind of can’t stop thinking about.”
Her cheeks flush a light pink as she leans against the doorframe. “Oh, yeah?”
I grin, stuffing my hands in my pockets to keep myself from reaching out to her. “Yeah. She said something yesterday about wanting to tell me how she feels. I didn’t want to wait any longer, so I went straight to her.”
“I don’t know what to say, Carter.”
My smile dampens slightly, worried she’s changed her mind in such a short time. That’s part of why I did it, though. Why I told her to wait until we could see one another in person. I know she’s over him and ready to move on, but I want to give her the chance to make sure I’m what she wants. If she wants to be single for a while, that’s fine. No matter what, this needs to be up to her.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I assure her. I’m fully ready to turn around and walk back to my car, pretending this never happened. “We can forget the call yesterday and just stay friends. No hard feelings.”
She’s frowning now. “Is that what you want? Are you having second thoughts?”
“No, of course not!” I’m more confused by her confusion. “You are, though. Right?”
“No!” She gapes up at me, pushing off the door to stand up straighter. “What would make you think that?”
“You said you don’t know what to say! What am I supposed to think that means?”
“Not that I don’t want to be with you!”
Sighing, I reach up to comb my fingers through my hair, probably making it more of a knotted mess than it already is, but I don’t care. I take a deep breath before I turn back to Kat. “We’re doing a horrible job at this. Should we start again?”
Smiling, she nods. I turn and walk to the edge of the porch, smiling as I hear her giggling. I turn to face her again and she straightens. I close the distance between us, standing a little closer than I was the first time, and take a moment to be captivated by hazel eyes. I can hear the moment her breath catches in her throat and the electricity between us thrums to life.
“Hey, Kat,” I breathe out.
“Hey,” she replies just as quietly. She clears her throat slightly. “Would you like to come in? So we can talk.”
I nod, smirking down at her. “Yeah, I think that’d be a great idea.”
I follow her inside, closing the door behind me. She leads me into the living room, motioning to the couch for me to sit. As I do, she picks up the remote to turn off whatever she was watching in order to focus on whatever comes next. She sits next to me, keeping enough distance that I can’t really reach out for her, but not so far away this moment feels hopeless.
“I think the first thing we need to talk about is how you’re feeling?” The look she gives me is so unamused that I can’t help but chuckle. “I know, I know, but you were with him for two years. There’s nothing wrong with not being okay with the way things ended or needing some space before we jump into something.”
Her gaze locks on mine, wanting me to know she’s being serious. “More than anything, I’m mad that I let it go on this long, Carter. He wasn’t a good boyfriend, but he got in my head, and I let him do that. The final straw was finding out what he did to you, and it’s not even because it’s you. I just . . . I don’t put up with that.”
“But you were willing to put up with him doing it to you?” My heart broke a little as she shyly nodded. “Kat, that’s . . . that’s not fair to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. What makes it okay for someone to do that to you, but not someone else?”
She reaches out, her fingers brushing over my hand. I intertwine our fingers. “I know that now. It’s always been easier for me to accept it when it’s directed at me because I grew up being treated like a second thought. I’ve gotten used to it.”
I squeeze her hand a little tighter. “That doesn’t make it better.”
Her shoulders slump, and she pulls her hand away. “I know, Carter,” she sighs, burying her face in her hands. “I know and I’m working on it, I promise. I have an appointment set up with my therapist tomorrow to go over all of this and really start focusing on what I want. If you want to wait until that’s done before we really talk about this, I understand.”
“Hey, no.” I stand up, moving so I can kneel before her. I take her hands in mine, forcing her to look at me. Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. She’s not crying over the idea of being single for the first time in years. She’s crying over the idea that her past relationship would somehow make me want her less. I need to make sure she knows that’s the furthest thing from the truth. “I want this, Kat. I want you.”
“I’m a mess, Carter,” she says with a laugh, but her quivering lip betrays her.
“We’re all a mess, and I’m working on myself, too. That’s life. You don’t have to reach some level or pass some test to be someone I want to spend time with. Spend my life with.”
“Your life?” Her eyes widen, my words sinking in.
“I can’t tell you what the future is going to bring, Katrina, but this chapter of my life, yeah, I want you with me.”
She looks at me in awe, eyes wide, and mouth gaping open. It might be too much for some people to hear, but it’s always been who I am. I’ve never shied away from my emotions; why would I start now? Especially when staying quiet could result in me losing her?
“This is all in your hands, though,” I emphasize. “I know where I stand. I know what I want with you, but I’m not going to push you into something you’re not ready for. If you need some time to be single, I get it. You know where I am, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be ready when you are.”
Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth. I track the movement with my gaze, but don’t say anything else. Slowly, I stand, ready to move back to my side of the couch and fall back into the role of a friend who cares about her, but she stands with me. Gripping my hand, she won’t let me move. We’re standing chest to chest, and maybe this isn’t about to be over before it starts.
Her eyes search my face, but I keep my gaze locked on her eyes., wanting her to understand I’m not going anywhere.
“Carter?” Her voice is a whisper, our joined hands dropping between us. “Will you kiss me?”
This isn’t my first kiss, not by a long shot, but this is going to be one of those first kisses that always matter. One you’ll never be able to forget, that will come with feelings you’ll be chasing for the rest of your life.
Our eyes are lock together, anticipation shining in her gaze. I release one of her hands, trailing mine up her arm until I can place it on the back of her neck, my fingers diving into her thick blonde hair at the nape of her neck. She lets out a quiet gasp, her own hand coming up to grip my shoulder. Tilting my head ever so slightly, I tug her closer. Foreheads pressed together, noses brushing against each other; I take a second to breathe, letting her pull away if she wants to, before pressing my lips against hers.
Her lips are warm and soft, just as I always thought they’d be. She melts against me. Kissing back, her hand grips my shoulder tighter, pulling me closer. Her lips part, allowing my tongue to dip inside, but no matter how badly I want to, now isn’t the time to deepen the kiss. I just want this moment to be as perfect as it is right now.
The rest can come later.
She seems to get my hint, allowing the kiss to be fairly chaste, but it doesn’t stop the rampant feelings coursing through me. I want to pull her closer, want to know what it’s like to hold her forever, and take whatever she’s willing to give me.
I pull back before pressing back in for one more short kiss.
The awed look is still in her eyes when they flutter open to look at me once more, and I’m sure that same look is mirrored in my own gaze.
“Good?” I remove my hand from her hair, pushing a few strands away from her eyes.
“Perfect,” she admits. “That’s what a first kiss should feel like, right?”
I press my lips to her forehead, my eyes briefly closing. She lets go of my other hand to wrap me in a hug, and I pull her closer. “Yeah, Kat. That’s what it should feel like.”
Eventually, the two of us move back on to the couch, but this time there’s no distance between us. Kat is snuggled against my side and my arm is around her, pulling her as close as possible without putting her in my lap. There’s a lot we need to talk about, but that can wait. For now, I’m content to just be in the moment with her.
I never made it to Josie and Bryce’s yesterday.
After just hanging out on the couch for a while, the two of us decide we do need to talk about where things are going to go from here. We both have busy schedules and being a couple of hours away from one another isn’t ideal for the start of a new relationship, but if we’re both willing to work at it, we could be great. In the end, Kat asks for a couple of days to be single and let the anticipation of a first date—something she’s never really felt—build before we put a label on it.
I couldn’t agree more. We pull up jam-packed schedules, playfully arguing over who’s busier and we sift through date after date to find one that works. In the end, we settle on one two weeks away. Kat needs to be in Columbia to be on the job site that day, but I have nothing besides practice, so I decide to make the drive back down here. It gets added to both of our calendars, and we settle in to just hang out that night.
We order food and watch movies. There are a couple of kisses shared, but mostly we just take the time to be alone for the first time. Eventually, we somehow end up asleep on the couch.
It’s late morning by the time I use my key to enter Josie and Bryce’s apartment, stiff from falling asleep on a couch but with a smile on my face that I can’t dim. I’m surprised to find both Josie and Bryce sitting at the kitchen island, facing the door as I walk in.
“Morning!” I greet, dropping my bag before going for the French press on the counter, a mug already waiting for me. “What are you doing?”
I’m surprised they’re not at the pool, as that’s where Kat was heading when I left. Instead, they’re both sitting in front of their own laptops, with what looks like separate projects going on.
“I’m going over a budget for our first year,” Bryce comments, eyebrow quirking up. “But I’ll gladly put it on pause if you want to tell me what you were up to this morning.”
“And last night.” Josie’s tone is teasing, but she doesn’t look up from her laptop. “Did it involve our favorite contractor?”
“Not telling,” I reply, downing the coffee a lot quicker than I should. I bend down to grab my bag, then head down the hall. “I’m taking a shower.”
“Oh, come on,” Bryce yells after me. “I’ve told you things!”
“You’ve what?” Josie’s gasp follows me down the hall.
Opening the spare room, I laugh to myself as I hear her asking him how much I know. It’s not much. Bryce would never disrespect Josie like that. Nor would I let him. Still, I know more than I am willing to tell either of them. Maybe in two weeks I’d be more willing to share, but right now I’m going to keep this between the two of us.