Chapter 16 Jamaica
“Damn him and damn my stupid body.” Devastated by his seductive yet sweet move, I remained on the veranda, cursing my weakness for him.
On the plane, I kept preparing myself for seeing him again when I didn’t expect to see him.
Determined to remember my vows and that he was my past. One weekend was all he would ever get.
And all Freedom had to do was breathe, and I’m hooked.
Everything in the last twenty-four hours had been a blur. I’d been so nervous that I hid my hands underneath the dining room table, and Kody kept pressing his hand on my thigh to stop the shaking.
I’d decided that I wouldn’t say whether or not Freedom knew.
I didn’t want Jamie to start off by feeling like his father didn’t want him.
I kept it strictly focused on the fact that we were high school sweethearts and he’d gotten into some trouble and had to be sent away.
I decided to raise him on my own because I didn’t want to be with someone caught up in the streets.
He’d been stunned that Peace was really his uncle and that his father was none other than one of his favorite stars.
Kody remained quiet, though I felt the tension bouncing off him.
This couldn’t have been easy for him, and I held his hand throughout the conversation that went surprisingly well.
Jamie immediately wanted to go to Nashville with Peace and meet his father.
Kody reluctantly agreed. He didn’t want to be the spiteful and mean parent.
We were all set. KJ and his father would camp with the Boy Scouts, and I would have the weekend to myself.
Then, while Peace waited for him outside the terminal, my usually independent son suddenly needed me.
With tears in his eyes, he begged me to go with him after initially denying me when I asked, placing me in the line of direct temptation of Freedom Cade.
Now, standing on the veranda of his lovely mansion, I feared I would fail. He was a temptation that I had to learn to ignore, given that we were connected for life.
“Jamaica, come here,” Freedom called from another room, as if this were our norm and this were our magnificent house.
“Where are you?” I giggled. “This house is huge.”
“Follow my voice.” He began humming.
The lyrics for the song he hummed were on the tip of my tongue as I listened to his voice grow stronger or weaker. “Dude, you are not humming Bump and Grind? R. Kelly canceled.”
He chuckled. “His songs still bang.”
“Why don’t I hear Peace or Jamie?” I asked as I drew closer to a partially open door.
“They can’t seem to leave the game room.”
Pushing open the door, I jumped up and down. “I found you.”
Freedom sat in front of a multiple-screen room displaying the rooms of his mansion, his gaze zeroing in on my chest. “Show me that jump again.”
“Ha ha.” I moved to stand beside him. “This is crazy. You’re really rich, aren’t you?”
“We’re really rich. Whatever I have is yours.”
“This is Jamie’s future.” I corrected.
He looked annoyed as he pulled me onto his lap, pointing to the rooms. “The bedrooms and bathrooms are the only rooms without cameras, and they automatically erase everything in 24 hours.” Freedom nuzzled my neck.
“Stop, Freedom. I’m still married, and Jamie is here.”
“He’s in the game room, right there. He won’t catch us.” He pointed to the screen where Jamie and Peace wore headpieces and sat in special recliners. “At least I know one thing he likes.”
I tilted away from him to see his face. “You’re nervous?”
Freedom nodded. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared. He’s a teenager, may only want me for my money, or be angry at me because he thinks I didn’t want him.”
Hopping off his lap, I grabbed his hand, pulling him up. “Or love you. Come on, I’m sure he’s just as scared, which is why he’s in the game room. It’s his comfort zone.”
Freedom wisely dropped my hand before we made it to the game room. We stood at the door quietly. Peace noticed us first and nudged Jamie. He glanced at Peace and then slowly at Freedom.
Jamie pushed off his headphones, and Freedom walked into the room and exclaimed, “This is awkward as hell. The good thing is that we won’t ever have to meet for the first time again.
This is one and done, so we can be nervous with each other for now.
I promise the nervousness won’t last because I want to be in your life however you want me to be.
I’ve been smiling since yesterday, knowing that I was about to meet you.
So much I want to share with you. And I promise not to take you away from your mom and Kody. ”
I stood behind Freedom, studying my son’s solemn expression. He was hard to read. I added, “Jamie, he’s going to love you no matter what.” I caught Peace’s concerned expression, and he gave a subtle nod. “Peace told me about your group at school, told me that you enjoyed it.”
Jamie’s eyes grew round with apprehension, and he looked back at Peace. “You told her?”
“I told you I would, if you didn’t,” Peace firmly replied. His tone left no room for further questioning.
“Told her what?” Freedom asked and walked closer to his son. “What kind of group?”
Jamie's chest heaved up and down.
“You can tell me. I already love you.” His voice broke. “You look…look…like my mother. It’s like I get to see her again.”
I blinked back tears.
Peace said quietly, “Tell him, Jamie. My brother accepted me before I knew I needed to be accepted.”
Freedom’s brows furrowed deeper and then relaxed. “Oh, wait. Is this group about sexual orientation or gender or something?”
Jamie nodded. “I’m trying to figure it out.”
Freedom looked at me and Peace. “Can you not act like it’s the end of the world? I thought the boy had cancer or something.” He then looked at Jamie. “You’re my son. If you consider yourself a girl, then I guess you’re my daughter. Tell me who you are, and it’s all good with me.”
“I’m a boy. I don’t have a question about that.”
“Then, is it okay if I kick both of your asses in another round while you figure out the other stuff?”
Peace moved down so that Freedom could sit in the recliner next to Jamie. While Freedom added himself to the game, Jamie jumped up, rushed to me, and hugged me tightly.
I tugged on his twists. “You’re good?”
He nodded and spoke quietly, “I like him already. You think he meant it when he said he loved me?”
“Yes, he means it.”
Jamie smiled softly. “Yeah, I can tell he means it, too. I wish you’d told him about me earlier, then he could’ve always been my dad. If he’d been around, maybe I wouldn’t be so scared to be this way.” The accusation in his tone stung.
“Hey, you coming back?” Freedom asked. “Me and Unc are ready.”
“Yeah.” He grinned and hurried to his recliner.
Freedom caught my concerned gaze. “Jamaica?”
I waved him off. “I’m fine. Going to find the kitchen and cook something. I’m assuming you have a fully stocked kitchen.”
“Since today.” He winked and donned his headpiece.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
At least the Band-Aid had been ripped off.
Let’s just hope it doesn’t leave scars.
After a dinner of grilled chicken, rice, broccoli, and strawberry tarts that I prepared, we lounged around the heated pool, listening to Freedom play his guitar and sing.
I’d facetimed KJ and Kody before they were in an area with poor cell reception.
I saw the worry in Kody’s expression that I was with Freedom in this dream home in Nashville.
A part of me felt sorry for him. The other part relished that he finally felt like I did.
The self-doubt and mistrust that happens once we break our promises.
I could tell he wanted to say more, but KJ was right there.
I told them I loved them and would see them tomorrow night.
My eyes were closed, and I loved the breeze that mingled with the heated air. I could sleep to his voice every night. I hadn’t felt this tranquil and calm in a long time.
“You do know this all could be yours,” Peace commented from beside me.
“Shut up, Peace.” I peeked one eye open.
“Just saying. He’s happy, Jamie is happy, and you’re smiling while your eyes are closed.”
“This is like a honeymoon. We won’t always be this happy. Every relationship has its ups and downs.”
“And some have more downs than ups.”
I turned on my side to face him. “You and my best friend, Lori, ought to hang out. Always got to say something about Kody. He’s not always this bad guy. If you weren’t gay, I’d hook the two of you together.”
He sipped from his straw. “Ooh, sounds like I would like her. I like messy bitches. Is she messy?”
“Yep. Definitely having cocktails next week once we get back to Dallas.”
Peace smiled. “I’m so proud of Jamie for telling Freedom. It was a huge step for him to say it aloud in front of his parents.”
I nodded. “I was trying not to break down because it’s always been hard for Jamie to express himself. It helped that Freedom seemed open, and you told Jamie how he supported you.”
“I know I’m not supposed to say anything to you, but I have to. Jamie doesn’t want to disappoint Kody. Told the group that he can tell that Kody disapproves of him and worries about his father loving him.”
I glanced at Freedom, who had given Jamie another guitar and was showing him how to pick at it. They were cozy and content in their own world. I’d never seen Jamie quite that comfortable with Kody. They didn’t seem to gel, though I’d seen both of them try because they loved me.
“It makes sense why he told me that if he’d known Freedom as his father, he might not have been scared to be himself.” I folded my arms and stared at the twinkling sky. “I think Jamie is going to always blame me for not knowing his dad sooner.”
“Maybe. Or maybe not. He just learned about him yesterday. It’s not every day a child finds out his father is a superstar. Look around you, of course, he’s like we could’ve always had this sort of money.”
“That’s the point. I doubt Free, and I would’ve had this if we stayed together.”