Chapter 20 #2
I meant what I said, Kate, every word. From the minute I saw you again at school, I felt like I started living again, instead of just surviving.
You've given that to me and Lucia; every day, I would wake up smiling. These last few weeks, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
I want to breathe again, and I want to make you as happy as you made me.
I won’t give up on us. You’re my happily ever after, and I'm yours.
I know I have to give you time, and I will, but not too long. Love you, babe. Xxxxxxx
I swallow a noise in my throat as I burst into tears. Christ, he knows how to word something that will cut through right to my core. I don’t reply, I get ready and go to work.
***
After I've put Jess to bed, I wait for the girls who are due around eight - I need an uncensored chat. I stopped off on the way home from work to pick up wine for them, lager for me, and I got nibbles. I need to talk about ‘he who shall not be named’. If what he said is true, and he isn’t going to give up, and that he loves me, what will I do?
I've re-read his text about ten times today.
A knock at the door brings me out of my head, and I let the girls in.
I fill them in on everything and flop back onto the couch, waiting for their opinions. Amanda is grinning away. It's obvious what she’s going to say.
“Aw, that’s romantic and . . . oh my god . . . that text. He loves you, Kate, you must see that. And you were happy with him, I've never seen you so happy and relaxed... Ever, and you could be again if you gave him another chance.”
I'm not shocked at Amanda’s ‘hopeless romantic’ opinion; I pretty much knew what she would say because she lives in a land of fairies, daffodils, and unicorns dancing on clouds, where nothing is ever bad.
But Karen, Karen lives at the other end of the spectrum, it’s like I've got the Devil and the Angel on my shoulder, that’s why we gel.
I smile at Amanda, “I can’t say I'm shocked at your opinion, Mand,” and then turn to Karen. “What about you?”
She eyes me for a few seconds without saying anything. I hold my breath and realise that her opinion counts for a lot, because she’ll see the worst in this and try to find good in it.
“I think you’d be a dick if you let him go.” She states matter-of-factly. I nearly fell off my chair. What the hell? She was supposed to be the voice of reason!
“What? Are you serious?” I ask
“Yey!” Amanda claps her hands
Karen nods. “Don’t get me wrong, I fucking hate him for what he's put you through, but this guy was . . . is . . . like the love of your life, right?”
I swallow and nod
“Are you willing to throw it all away? Do you know how many times in your life you get to meet someone who you love down to the core, but that makes your heart race every time you see them? He’s fab with Jess; you love Lucia, and you had the total happy family thing going on when you were with him.
I've never seen you this happy. It was like someone had switched on a light inside of you. I personally believe you’d be a fool to let that go. ”
I'm stunned “What about the fact that he dumped me for someone else?”
“He didn’t dump you for someone else in that respect, he did it for his daughter.
Don’t get me wrong, he was a prize fucking idiot that he thought the best for his daughter could possibly be Nicki - but men are idiots - it’s in their genes.
He says nothing happened. The question is, do you believe him? ”
I nod slowly, “I’m pretty sure I do, every time I've seen him lately, he's seemed unhappy, and he said he couldn’t bear her to come near him… couldn’t bear her touch. Am I an idiot believing him?”
Amanda pipes up. “The problem with this is that you judged him ten years ago because of what he did to you - rightly so - he was a dick, but in your head, you’re still there, but he grew up… he changed. He’s not that same guy anymore, except he still has the hot looks and body!”
“You mean I’m always going to think the worst of him? Am I the only one here who thinks I’ll look like a bloody idiot if I go back to him?”
Karen sits straight in her chair “Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks? No one knows what’s gone on between you two except you two, and it’s no one else’s fucking business. Are you going to let other people’s opinions stand in the way of you being happy? That’s crazy.”
I stare at her, “Right, that’s it – where is Karen and what have you done with her?”
Amanda bursts out laughing, “I was wondering the exact same thing – this is the first time we’ve ever agreed on something – maybe there’s a little romantic in Karen somewhere trying to get out.” She nudges her, and Karen shrugs.
Karen carries on, “I will warn you, though, yes, everyone will think you're an idiot if you take him back.”
I wince “Thanks, Kaz.”
“But contrary to what our Amanda here believes, life isn’t all ‘walking off in the sunset’ happily ever afters, real-life and real problems get in the way, and it's how you deal with those problems that define your relationship and make it stronger. The relationships that can handle real life are the ones that last. I don’t want you to throw away what you had, because those kinds of relationships are hard to find.
Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t they? ”
I cringe, “Technically, this would be his third.”
“You can't count the first time, he was a different guy back then.” Amanda says, “Plus, Greg says that the guys have been talking about him at practice, saying they’ve never seen him show any interest in anyone like they have with you. None of them liked Nicki when they were together. They said they’ve never seen Nate in a mess like he’s in now over you – even when Nicki left him with Lucia. ”
My heart spasms at that information. I yell out in frustration, “Argh!!! Fuck . . . I love him. I'm already gone, aren’t I? It hurts at the thought of him hurting right now. And I could fix it, I could go round and fix it right now and make him happy. But I'm hurting too – he’s hurt me and I don’t know if I can push it to one side. ”
Karen shrugs. “There’s only you who knows if you can get over that, hun - that’s all you - we can only give you our opinion.”
I nod, and shake it off “Let’s watch a funny movie or something, I need my mind on something else, this is driving me crazy.”
We search through Netflix and choose The Breakfast Club – you can’t go wrong with a Brat Pack movie.
***
I finally come to a decision in the morning and feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.
I'm going to do it - go for it – give him another chance, a chance for us to be happy together. Stuff what everyone thinks – tough shit – I'm going to have to ignore it if I want to be with him . . . and I do. They’ll soon move on and talk about something else anyway, especially when they see in a year down the line that we’re still together.
I have butterflies on the way to school, hoping to see him.
It’s Friday, and I don’t work on Fridays, so if he can spare me an hour after the morning school run, I’ll tell him then - the sooner the better.
He doesn’t show up with Lucia, though, his mum brings her to school instead.
He must have started work early. . . Oh well, give me the day to do my hair and preen myself to be at my best when I see him later. I’m full of hope.
His mum comes over to me, and the girls go off to play.
“Hello, honey, how are you doing?” she asks me.
I smile at her warmly. “I'm OK, thanks, Mrs Harris. Has Nathan started work early today?”
Her mouth falls open a little before she regains her composure - I've made a conscious effort not to ask about him since we've split up.
“Yes, dear, he’s gone on a course - health and safety course today - he’s only back late this evening, it’s in Birmingham.”
I try not to show my disappointment – that means I won’t be able to talk to him today. “Oh, right, is Lucia staying over with you?”
She shakes her head, “No, he wants to see her in the morning - if she was staying at mine, he wouldn’t see her today and all weekend, so he said she can wait for him because it's Friday and he’s going to bring her around tomorrow lunchtime before he’s due to meet his teammates before the match.”
Shit, that means I won’t get to speak to him in the morning either. Just my luck. Now that I've finally made my decision, I can't get to him quickly enough.
I nod, “Ah, I see.” Everyone starts piling into school as the doors open. “Well, lovely to see you, Simone, see you again soon.”
She smiles and says goodbye.
Well, if I have to wait a little longer, it will be all the sweeter when we do get together, I suppose.
I text Amanda to make sure she’s going to the match tomorrow – I'm going to go and watch him and tell him afterwards.
It's time for a mini shopping spree to find something casual yet sexy that will blow his mind for the game tomorrow.