Shifting Gazes
Illusion or imagination…?
“I swear to fuck, Gage, if you ate all the Pop-Tarts, I’m going to kick your ass!”
I groaned as I rolled over in bed, tugging the pillow over my head to drown out Gage and Ethan. It had been two weeks since I buried my Noma, and this was the third time I’d woken to those two arguing over goddamn Pop-Tarts.
It wasn’t like Harmony didn’t cook. Food was never in shortage around here. They just liked to mess with one another, and Gage never passed up the opportunity to fuck with Ethan, probably because he could always get a rise out of him. Ethan, it seemed, had a short fuse.
Someone stomped up the stairs, and I wondered who would poke their head into my room. I remained still, hoping I could fake sleeping until Gage and Ethan had sorted their shit.
“I know you’re not asleep,” Caleb announced. “No one can sleep with the ruckus downstairs.”
Since I obviously wasn’t going to get any additional rest, I chucked my pillow at Caleb.
He caught it with a chuckle. “Not a morning person, Johnny?”
Yes, Caleb was on the quieter side, but I was learning that wasn’t the case when only one or two people were in the room. It seemed to be in a crowd, he shut down.
“Not when I’m woken up before I’m ready,” I deadpanned, scowling as I shoved my blanket aside and dropped my feet onto the rug beside my bed. I scrubbed a hand over my face, still sleeping far too restlessly to gain the rest my body needed. And the nightmares… they never fully faded.
Caleb snorted. “Welcome to foster house hell.”
Yeah, I was beginning to understand the reference. “Is breakfast ready yet?”
“Pancakes and bacon. If you get down there fast enough, there might be some left.”
He wasn’t lying. Bacon went fast in this house. It wasn’t just the boys who enjoyed it. Sarah was a bacon fiend. She could eat more than me or Finn, and that was saying something.
I shoved to my feet and grabbed a shirt from the pile of clean laundry I had yet to fold.
As I shrugged it on, I slid my feet into a pair of Nikes that Noma had bought me earlier in the year.
Already, they were getting snug. As she so eloquently pointed out on numerous occasions, my young body wasn’t finished growing yet.
The thought of shopping without her pulsed an ache in my chest. A raw, visceral pain in my sternum that had remained since watching Noma’s casket lower into the ground.
And that was how the nightmares had returned.
Gunshots. Dad roaring my name… I guess losing Noma reminded me of my fear of how no one around me knew of the dangers possibly still hunting for me.
“Come on,” Caleb urged as I shook the dismal thoughts and refused to indulge them.
I followed Caleb down the sets of stairs, pausing as I reached the bottom. My gaze immediately shifted outside, beyond the big bay window, to scan the street.
It’s sad how fast dread naturally would find the pit of my stomach.
How quickly I would go to a window and check to see if there were any suspicious cars nearby.
One that belonged to an unknown enemy who could hurt someone I needed, which now included the people in this house. Well, at least the two adults.
Just then, a motorcycle drove by, causing me to jump. Get a grip, Maddox!
Looking around the house full of kids, I couldn’t help but wonder, Is me being here putting them all at risk?
The struggle between Gage and Ethan had escalated.
I heard a thud and then Gage cursed as I reached the bottom floor.
Ignoring the two of them as Gage darted behind the couch in the living room, lifting his arm high with a box of Pop-Tarts—clearly crushed and not worth the continued tug-of-war—as he teased Ethan.
“You’ll have to pry them from my fingers!”
Ethan growled as he lunged toward Gage.
I sidestepped the two of them and entered the kitchen.
Finn, already in his baseball practice clothes, was enjoying this far too much, laughing as he snatched a piece of crisp bacon from the plate in the center of the table.
When I saw only a handful of pieces were left, I didn’t hesitate to pick up the plate and shove a piece in my mouth.
Chewing, I grabbed a few pancakes, slapped them on top of the bacon, and dared anyone to stop me as I poured syrup over the whole pile.
Harmony wasn’t in the kitchen, and neither was Dale. I wondered where the two of them were since at least one of them usually remained downstairs once everyone was awake.
Caleb shook his head, chewing on toast. He didn’t reach for the pancakes or the bacon.
I never saw him eat anything for breakfast other than toast or cereal.
He mumbled something I couldn’t understand as he focused on the handheld gaming console in his hands.
After the brief interaction upstairs, he’d retreated from the noise and all of us in the room, immersing himself in a world where no outside factors could disturb him.
I think Caleb found solace and comfort in games. A safe space where he couldn’t be judged, bullied, or harmed. It was only an observation. I could be wrong, but it felt like I was spot-on.
Sarah was reading a book, her empty plate in front of her. She flicked her gaze toward Ethan and Gage and rolled her eyes. “Boys.”
“Ch-ch-chaos, huh?” Seb asked, leaning back in his chair as he sat at the table.
“Gage, goddammit!”
The words had barely left Ethan’s mouth when I heard a snicker of laughter from Gage.
This wasn’t going to end well.
“Yeah,” I agreed before I shoveled pancakes into my mouth, turning toward the curved entrance to the kitchen.
There wasn’t a traditional doorway. This house had a spacious floor plan and an archway into the kitchen, as well as the den that doubled as Dale’s office where a whole wall of bookshelves held every possible fiction novel or self-help volume you could want to read.
Between them, the large living room with a massive gray sectional separated the two spaces.
That was where Gage and Ethan faced one another, Gage grinning like a damn fool when he saw how pissed Ethan looked.
Rage had contorted Ethan’s features, and I watched his reaction, curious about the reason he reacted so strongly to Gage’s teasing.
Gage was being an ass but he also didn’t mean any true harm. He just couldn’t seem to help himself.
It hadn’t taken long to figure out my foster siblings. Since we spent nearly every waking moment around one another, it was inevitable. The summer meant no school, and that also meant far too much time on our hands, especially since none of us were quite old enough to work yet.
Relieved for the distraction and trying to shove aside the worry that seemed to stay present in my mind most days, I smirked when Gage crossed the line.
He reached into the box, pulled out the last bag of frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts, and ripped into it with his teeth.
Before anyone could stop him, he shoved the broken mess into his mouth, crumbs falling onto his shirt and the floor.
Sarah now stood beneath the arch, watching Gage and Ethan in a tug-of-war over the box of Pop-Tarts. She unwrapped a stick of chewing gum and pushed it into her mouth, obviously humored by the impromptu entertainment.
“Easy, Ethan,” I called out, trying to diffuse the situation, but was too late.
Ethan roared before he hopped over the couch cushions and slammed into Gage.
The momentum sent them both into the far wall, where they crashed into one another, and Gage fell into the end table.
A blue-and-white antique vase teetered on the polished wood as I swallowed a bite of breakfast, taking a single step in its direction before the vase fell to the floor and shattered.
White and dark blue ceramic shards spread across the hardwood floor.
“Shit,” Gage cursed with a groan.
Ethan cradled his elbow since he landed on it after bulldozing Gage. “Oops.”
“Yeah, oops,” Dale repeated as he opened the front door, entering with Harmony. They each held a few grocery bags.
Jerking in surprise, I was pissed I didn’t hear the van pull into the driveway or someone outside before they entered the house. Noticing Sarah as she jolted, I wasn’t the only one. I scrubbed my hand down my face in frustration.
With the mystery solved of where Dale and Harmony went, I forced my attention on the moment instead of the feeling that I failed everyone here by not being more aware.
Not that either of the adults was dangerous, but that might not be the case in the future because there was no guarantee it wouldn’t be a stranger or enemy walking inside this house someday.
Harmony’s gaze swept the room and landed on the floor, spotting the vase. She gasped. Her bags slipped from her hands and dropped to the floor. She appeared shocked.
Dale frowned, glancing at his wife before a look of disapproval coated Gage and Ethan on the floor. But that’s not who most of us were watching.
We all stared at Harmony, wondering if she would lose her shit.
She noticed. “What?” Her gaze bounced around the room, rolling over each foster kid. “It’s just a vase. A thing,” she emphasized. “Am I surprised? Well, yes. It doesn’t matter. It can be replaced. But you—all of you—aren’t replaceable.”
My eyes widened. She barely knows me.
Judging by the reaction of the others, they felt just as touched by her vehement declaration.
Dale scratched the back of his neck and shrugged. “Besides… I already glued it together more than once.”
Wait. He did?
Harmony confirmed, “You’re what matters, not some stupid goddamn vase.”
Harmony cussed?
A sudden laugh belted from my chest. The first real laugh I had in… well, too long to consider.
Gage snorted.
Grinning, Ethan shook his head, pushing back a few strands of dark hair from his eyes.
“Sh-sh-shit,” Seb added with a chuckle. “Th-that was unex-ex-p-p-pected.”
Caleb snickered into his hand.
Sarah popped a bubble with her chewing gum, not at all fazed by the loud noise.
Finn ignored it all. “Dale, can you take me to practice now, or what?”