36. Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Six
Caiden
“ W hat do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman?” Jamie reads from the tiny slip of paper from his Christmas cracker. A yellow paper hat hangs over his forehead and he rights it then looks in turn at each of us sitting at the dining room table.
“I know this one,” Sage replies. “It’s one of Jamie’s favourites.” She bounces Nova on her lap while poking at a carrot with her fork.
“People have favourite jokes?” I ask, taking another bite of cheesy cauliflower bake.
“Jamie does, he’s odd like that.” It’s one of the things I love about my boyfriend, but I don’t say that out loud. As we’ve settled into our life together, I’ve seen more and more of the old Jamie but also, a totally new side. A side that is completely mine.
“It’s not that unusual. People have favourite songs and books, why not jokes?” Jamie shakes his head. “Is anyone going to guess? Not you, Sage.” He points a finger at his best friend who mimes locking her lips.
“Frostbite,” I deadpan. Maria laughs and Jamie blinks at me, his mouth tipped into a lopsided grin.
“No way you guessed that,” Jamie says, turning back to his food.
“I totally did, it wasn’t that hard. I also don’t understand how that’s your favourite.”
“Um, because it’s funny?”
“You’re ridiculous,” I reply.
My heart expands in my chest when Jamie leans over and nips my cheek.
“I’ll show you ridiculous.” He makes a growly noise and I bite back the laugh bubbling in my chest.
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Gross, no,” Sage interrupts, throwing the remains of her cracker at us. “As the only single adult at the table, I’m banning any of that stuff today.” She gives us a stern look, then aims the same look at Maria and my dad, who only nod and laugh.
We spend the rest of the meal enjoying casual conversation and more of Jamie’s awful jokes. At some point, Nova falls asleep and Jamie takes her, resting her head on his shoulder while Sage helps Maria serve dessert.
By the time we move to the lounge to open gifts, the sun has set and the lights of the Christmas tree and the roaring fire in the fireplace have created a postcard perfect picture. Maria hands everyone a stocking filled with little gifts, and we take turns opening them before moving on to the larger presents.
“My turn, my turn,” Jamie says, his light up Christmas jumper flashing as he bounds over to the tree and retrieves a large box wrapped in red and green tartan paper. He hands it to his mum then sits on the floor at my feet, his head tipping back searching out a kiss.
Maria tears off the paper, her smile beaming when she reads the side of the box.
“A karaoke machine!” She tears open the box with reckless abandon and I chuckle to myself, seeing exactly where Jamie gets his enthusiasm for Christmas from.
“I saw it on a sale and couldn’t resist. You can hook it up to your phone and download all sorts of tracks.”
“I love it, thank you boys.” Maria gets up and comes over to hug Jamie and then me. I had no idea about this machine, I knew about the spa voucher but this and the VR headset he bought my dad were complete surprises to me. I rest a hand on Jamie’s shoulder and he lays his own over it, entwining our fingers.
Next, it’s Sage’s turn. “Here,” she says, passing Nova to Jamie. Nova grabs for the locks of hair hanging loosely around his ears. Her little hands form fists and tug, causing Jamie to wince.
“No, little baby star, you can’t pull Uncle Jamie’s hair.” He has a battle of releasing Nova’s grip on him, before turning her around and plonking her on the floor between his spread legs. “Let's watch Mummy open your presents,” he says.
Sage picks up the smallest one and I suddenly feel all these tingly butterflies in my stomach. This is the first gift I’ve ever brought someone who wasn’t my twin. She reads the label on it out loud and my cheeks flush with heat.
“To Nova, wishing you a very merry Christmas, love Uncle Caiden.”
All the adult eyes in the room turn on me and I tip my head and look away, embarrassed. When I chose my gifts it wasn’t a case of buying something for the sake of it, for the first time ever, I was choosing things for my family. So maybe, yes, I got all sentimental and shit when I wrote out the labels. And maybe the entire shopping experience - despite being chaotic - had been buoyed on by these warm and fuzzy feelings.
Sage tears the paper, revealing inside a very soft and floppy stuffed zebra. She holds it up for everyone to see.
“This is really beautiful, thank you Caiden,” she says, then gets up and kisses me on the cheek.
“Look at this Nova Bear,” Sage coos, then passes the soft toy to her daughter. Maria, Dad and Jamie all make a big fuss over the gift and the way Nova giggles when Jamie flip-flops it around in front of her.
All the noise in the room - the laughter and chatter, the Christmas music playing softly in the background, Nova’s happy babbling - it all wraps around me, seeping into the cracks and filling them like liquid gold. It’s the most complete I’ve felt since the accident.
It’s overwhelming, the feelings engulfing me. In some ways, it’s too much.
“It was nothing,” I say, my throat dry. My heart beat picks up and I tap my knee restlessly with my hand. Jamie must notice because he gets up, passes Nova to his mum and then sits next to me on the sofa and wraps his arm around me.
“You did good, sunshine,” he says quietly before nuzzling his forehead against my temple. “You okay?”
I nod, my throat feeling thick with emotion.
“Hot chocolate break!” Jamie yells, jumping to his feet and pulling me up from the couch with him. “You all stay here, we’ll bring it through.”
Maria catches Jamie’s eyes, something passing between the two of them before she stretches her legs and says, “I’ll have a mince pie with mine, please.”
In the kitchen, Jamie turns me to face him, walking us back until my ass hits the edge of the counter. “What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
I try to look away, but his gentle hand on my chin stops me from doing so.
“I forgot, you know?”
His brows furrow, that groove in his forehead that I love so much, appearing. “Forgot what?”
“What it felt like to not be alone for Christmas. What it felt like to be part of something. Even before, Christmas wasn’t like this.” Choosing a side when my parents split put a damper on all our family holidays.
“It’s dizzying, in a nice way but I’m afraid it’s not real, like because it’s so good, it can’t possibly be true.” I sniff and wipe my eyes.
Jamie kisses my forehead, holding his lips against my skin for one, two, three heartbeats.
“What do you need?”
Placing one hand on the nape of his neck, I tilt my head until his lips whisper against mine. “I need you to kiss me. When you kiss me this all feels real, like I won’t open my eyes and be numb and lost again.”
“You’re the realest thing in my life,” Jamie says, applying pressure until our lips are locked in a slow, sensual kiss that heals another part of me. He kisses me until warmth floods my veins and I’m forced to push him away before we forget that there’s a bunch of people still waiting for us.
“We should get those hot chocolates started,” I say, breathlessly nodding towards the kettle.
He smiles, slides a hand down my arm and takes my hand, squeezing it before finally letting go. It's a silent promise of something I’ve been scared to wish for but am finally letting myself believe. That this is forever. Him and I. Me and him.
Taking another break from opening gifts so that Sage can put Nova down in the spare room, Jamie and I help Dad in the kitchen, cleaning up, after which we reconvene in the lounge to open the last three gifts.
Dad hands Maria a small box shaped gift wrapped in red with a huge matching red bow. When she opens it and lifts out a dainty gold chain with a locket, her eyes are glistening. She kisses Dad on the cheek then carefully places it in the box.
Then, it’s my turn. With shaking hands, I take the largest of the two remaining gifts out from under the tree and hand it to Jamie. He holds it on his lap and waits for me to sit next to him.
Tearing into the paper, he stops, looks up at me and then down again. A smile stretches across his entire face as he pulls out the brand new black hoodie I chose for him. It’s thicker than the one I permanently borrowed, with a small brand name sewn into the hem and a fleece-like feel inside.
He opens it and holds it out before dropping it into his lap and throwing himself at me.
“I love it, thank you.” He kisses me quick and hard, then pulls back. “It’s perfect.” And because he’s Jamie and his enthusiasm for this day is through the roof, he rips his Christmas jumper over his head and slides the hoodie on. “Now we match,” he says fondly.
Maria takes some photos of us, and one with Sage laying across our laps, wearing the bright jumper Jamie just took off.
“Okay, last gift,” Jamie says, reaching beneath the tree.
Chewing on my bottom lip, I watch as he walks towards me, his hands outstretched. When he reaches me, he stands between my legs and drops a small black box onto my lap. It's the size of an envelope only thicker, similar in depth to the box holding Maria’s new gold chain.
My hands shake as I lift the lid and fold back the thin tissue paper.
At first, I don’t know what I’m looking at, until my mind makes sense of the words and emotion builds thickly in my chest.
“It’s a star. You bought me a star.” Wetness leaks from my eyes and I rub it away before it has a chance to drip onto the star registry certificate. “A star called Cooper.” I take out the certificate and beneath it is a map, with details on the location of my star and how to find it.
Jamie bends onto his haunches, his hands resting on my thighs. In this position, we’re face to face and I can see the scar on his forehead he usually hides with his hair, and the speckles of gold in his green eyes.
“Look for me in the stars,” I say under my breath, soft enough for only him to hear.
Jamie shifts, smiling at me with dark, wet lashes. “Now you know where to look, so you can always find him.”
After moving the certificate off my lap like it’s a fragile rose, I wrap my arms around Jamie’s shoulders and bury my face in his neck.
“Thank you, this is the best gift I could have wished for.” My heart swells, my skin prickles and tears stream down my cheeks, wetting his hoodie. Nothing could ever bring my twin back, but having this little piece of the universe dedicated to him, gives me something incredible - the chance to see him in the place Cooper wanted me to find him.
“You, Caiden Carrington, are the best gift I never even knew to wish for,” Jamie says, a warm, tender, peaceful calm washing over me like a wave brushing the shore.