Chapter 21
I shuddered at the thought.
He gently asked again about my back, wanting to know why I didn’t like being touched between my shoulder blades. But I made up some lame excuse, avoiding the question by taking him in my throat. Like I’d been dreaming of doing for weeks, and I loved every second of it.
After that, he let the conversation go, playing with my hair while I slept on his chest, fully clothed. More intimate than I would’ve liked, but his touch was comforting. I’m starting to care for him much more than I had intended to.
In all the eight years I spent with my ex-husband, we’d never been so intimate.
I can’t remember a time that he’d held me while I slept, brushed the hair from my face, danced with me in the living room, and given me world-shattering orgasms. Because he barely touched me, and when he did…
I suck in a breath, holding myself in tight as a cold breeze blows through the snow-covered field, sending a shiver down my spine.
Pushing away the bad memories. Today’s cattle drive started early, pulling me from Kit’s bed at an unreasonable hour, but at least there’s a bonfire to look forward to.
Blake’s fortieth birthday party celebration.
A perfect distraction that I need today.
With the twenty minutes I have to spare, I return home to freshen up for the party. Throwing on a pair of flare jeans, a lacy tank top that I think will drive Kit crazy, and a chunky sweater to match.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, lighting up a name that surprises me. “Jax,” I answer with a smile. “How are you?”
“Hey, Em. I’m good, but maybe not as good as you,” he laughs at the chipper tone in my voice. “Ranch life still going well?”
“Living the dream,” I throw on a clean pair of socks and check my calendar. “It hasn’t even been a month yet. You’re early.”
“Yeah, I had a minute to spare and… you know. Always worrying about you.”
“You have no reason to. This place is working out well for me.” Amongst other things. But telling him that I have a new man in my life will only set him on edge.
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ve got some time coming up for the holidays. I should be able to visit for Christmas.”
“Really?” Excitement shines in my voice. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my brother, it sounded like a dream.
“Am I still invited?” he asks.
“Of course you are! Gosh, I miss you so much, Jax. You’re going to love it here. I can’t wait to show you around, and maybe we could even go horse riding."
“You know I’m not good with horses.” Despite growing up on a small farm in Nebraska, he never quite understood horses. Or anything about ranch life.
“I can teach you how to ride, if you’ll finally let me."
“You can try,” he laughs.
“Gosh, it’s going to be so good to see you in person. I can’t remember the last time we—” My eyes snap to Kit, stepping into his bedroom where I’m sitting on his bed, taking me by surprise. “Hey, can I call you later?”
“You know how to reach me,” Jaxson says before hanging up.
I rise off the bed, tucking my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. “Hey,” I say, but something about Kit seems off… His eyes are dark, and the lines in his face look pained. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. The boys told me you went home. I came to offer you a ride,” he wavers in the entrance to his room, like he’s afraid to step closer.
Or maybe I’m just over-analyzing him.
“Oh, that’s sweet. Let me just throw on my shoes.”
We sit in silence during the seven-minute ride back to the main barn, listening to music on the radio. A Christmas song starts to play, and he curses, changing the station. It’s almost as if we’ve drifted back to the start. Like the past few days never happened.
When he puts his truck in park, I grab his hand. “Is something wrong? You’re… quiet.” For lack of a better word.
“I’m just tired.” I’d believe him, except his eyes don’t meet mine. “Also, Cole invited us to his place after the party, but you don’t have to if you—”
“I’d love to.” I squeeze his hand in confirmation. After all, I enjoy being around Cole. He’s one of my childhood heroes.
“Maybe we can make a better impression this time,” I add with a wink.
He nods in response and exits the truck.
We walk to the Mess Hall, side by side, but Kit’s hands stay tucked into his Carhartt. Perhaps he doesn’t want people to know we’re together, and maybe that’s smart, but I can’t help but feel like he’s ashamed of being seen with me.
Did I miss something?
Out a good distance from the main barn is a massive fire pit.
Filling the air with the warm scent of burning wood.
Ranchers are gathered around with beers in their hands, and Hudson is currently playing guitar, filling the ambience with soulful music.
I had no idea that he could play, but he’s quite gifted.
I’ve barely heard him speak, but his singing voice is truly something else.
Blake warmly smiles at me, gesturing for us to come over to the fire.
Kit brushes my arm. “I’ll umm… I’ll go get drinks. Go enjoy yourself,” he half-smiles.
How have we taken ten steps back so quickly? Just this morning, he was smiling between my thighs, refusing to let me out of his arms. My eyes search his, hoping to find something reminiscent of the man I woke up with, but his expression is cold. Distant.
“You don’t want to join me?” I ask, hoping he’ll change his mind.
“I’ll find you,” he murmurs before striding away. But I’m pretty sure I’m not going to receive that drink.
Well, fine then.
I take off towards Blake. “Happy Birthday, B,” I say as I approach him, pulling him in for a hug. He smells like smoke from the fire pit and something warm. “This is for you,” I hand him a gift bag.
“Aw, Sadie, you didn’t have to do that—” he pulls out a fancy pocketknife with his name engraved on the handle. “This is too much.”
“And not nearly enough for having to deal with my stubborn ass every day.”
“Well, that’s true,” he chuckles. “So, how’s things?”
“Fine,” I rock on my heels.
“And how’s Kit?” he arches a playful brow.
“A pain in the ass, per usual.” I don’t even have the energy to lie to Blake. Out of everyone here, he’s the person I feel like I can be the most honest with.
Blake laughs, deep laughter. “What’s he done this time?”
My gaze finds him standing next to an old metal water trough full of ice and beer, with Ryker and a few others I don’t recognize. “He’s acting strange.”
Even watching him talking to Ryker, he seems… angry. His body language is rigid, and his jaw is clenched tight. Locked so tightly I’d be surprised if he didn’t have a headache. But why the hell would he be angry?
“I think you’re being summoned,” Blake points to the group of cowgirls, gesturing for me to join them.
I’d rather hang out with Blake, but he pushes me towards them, telling me to have a good time.
Candace, Kinley, and Sierra are sitting on logs near the fire pit.
And unfortunately, Leah is there too. I’m well aware I shouldn’t hate her for finding Kit attractive…
I mean, who could blame her? But with how insecure I’m feeling about things between us right now, she’s the last person I want to talk to.
“Hey girl,” Candace greets me with a cheery smile. Her copper hair is braided in two, and she’s wearing a bright red sweater that’s just as vibrant.
The rest of them greet me with pleasant smiles and waves.
Once I settle in, we talk about each other's roles on the ranch. How Candace and Leah are cowgirls, and Kinley and Sierra work in the kitchens. Sierra is the oldest out of them all, with warm brown skin and a massive rock on her ring finger. She’s been happily married to Wes for years and has two young boys who help out on the ranch.
Kinley is around my age, with short black hair, multiple ear piercings, and a rose tattoo on her hand, covered in silver rings.
They all start talking like old friends, having conversations I don’t understand when they stop mid-sentence.
I don’t even notice his presence until Kit brushes my arm, handing me a can of Whiskey Cola. “Here,” he fakes a smile, but he looks uneasy. “Closest thing I could find.”
“Oh, thanks,” I take it, brushing his rough fingers in the process.
“Hi, Kit,” Leah brightly smiles with blush in her cheeks.
“Hey,” he murmurs, barely sparing her a glance before turning back to me, like he wants to say something else, but nothing comes out. With a tip of his ballcap, he walks away.
Figures.
The moment he’s gone, all three of the girls close in on me with bright eyes and wide smiles, staring into my soul.
“Are you guys like… a thing?” Kinley asks.
If they had asked yesterday, I would’ve blushed and felt butterflies fluttering in my gut. But today all of those pretty feelings are cold. Frozen. “No,” I murmur. “He owed me a drink.”
Candace stares at me like she doesn’t believe me, giving me an empathetic look.
“Well, Leah has been trying to nail that one down for years,” Sierra teases, nudging Leah’s shoulder.
“Nail,” Kinley snorts, covering her mouth to hold in her giggle.
My eyes snap to Leah. Her gaze tracks Kit, sitting next to Ryker across the fire.
“Yeah, and to no use either,” Leah replies, practically eye-fucking him from across the fire pit.
She twirls a strand of her golden blonde hair around her finger.
Jealousy wells up inside me like heartburn.
“Do you know if he’s single? None of us can figure it out. ”
Fire ignites in my veins as I shift in my seat. My mind roars at me to say something, but what am I supposed to say? Are we even together? Do I have a right to claim him? Is this only a one-weekend fling?
It sure as hell feels that way.
I roughly stand from the log. “Excuse me.” With that, I leave, walking away as fast as my legs will move, needing to escape. Candace’s voice calls out to me, but I’m too fast, too focused on running away.
“Hey, are you okay?” Blake grabs my arm as I pass by.
“I’m fine,” I pull away. “I just need air.”
“We’re already outside.”