Chapter 21 #2
“Well then, I need more,” I snap, and the happiness on his face deflates. “I’m sorry, just… have a good party. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He glances at Leah, Sierra, and Kinley. “Did they say something to you—”
I put a hand up, stopping his words. “I’m fine, B.”
He eyes me warily. Not wanting me to leave. “Alright.” Blake gives in with a nod, watching me as I go, creating distance from the bonfire.
The cool air freezes in my lungs, giving my core temperature a moment to cool down.
The evening sun is nearly hidden behind the mountains, leaving purple and pink streaks across the sky and the bitter weather with it.
I would’ve remembered to grab my coat if Kit’s dark mood hadn’t thrown me off.
My arms wrap around me as I stand alone, trying to calm my mind.
Footsteps crunch behind me.
My gaze snaps to Kit approaching me slowly with his hands tucked into his jeans. “Hey, you okay?”
That’s real rich coming from him. “Just fine.” A shiver runs through me.
“You must be freezing—” he starts taking off his coat.
“I don’t want it.”
He nods and shrugs it back on. “Did you have fun?”
Not even a little.
“I’m just looking forward to going home.”
My own home, so I can cry and call my brother for some words of advice. Broken furnace or not, I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight. Whatever fantasy I was wrapped up in with Kit needs to be put far behind me.
This ranch is my home, the best home I’ve ever had, and I will not let him ruin it for me.
“It’s early, but Cole’s ready if you are.”
Right, I almost forgot. With a curt nod, I head towards the mansion, not bothering to wait for Kit.
Cole and Annie give me the warmest hug as I walk through the threshold, asking us to get comfortable on the big couch in the living room, where Annie has prepared tea and cookies.
A massive antler chandelier hangs above, casting warm light around the room.
Kit sits on one end of the couch, and I decide to sit on the other, earning me a strange look from Cole.
I’ve probably just made this whole thing awkward, but I couldn’t give one less of a fuck.
“Can you turn that off?” Kit frustratingly points to the radio, softly playing Christmas music.
Cole nods, turning it off. Leaving the room in complete and awkward silence, besides the soft crackle of the fireplace and the faint hum of the Christmas tree lights changing.
I think our dinner date was less tense than this.
“So…” Annie starts to say, pouring a cup of tea for her and Cole. “How was the party?”
“Fine,” we respond in unison, but my words are far more venomous.
“Good, good,” Annie says, mindlessly, like maybe those words will break the tension in the room—a very gorgeous room, decorated for the Christmas season.
A splattering of fancy paintings fills the walls, along with family portraits, and a pair of grand elk horns hang above the fireplace, like a hunting trophy. Similar to the ones in Kit’s bedroom.
“Do you hunt?” I ask Cole, making conversation.
Cole glances at Kit. “We used to when he was a boy. Elk horns are a Harlow family tradition, a sort of heirloom we’ve been passing down for generations.
” He points to the elk horns hanging above the fireplace.
“I earned those hunting with my father. Kit has a similar pair at his place. Smaller, if I remember correctly,” Cole smiles, teasingly.
Kit sighs, glaring at Cole. “Like a fraction smaller.”
Cole laughs, a chesty laugh that ruptures deep in his throat. I nod, sipping from my tea, not wanting to think about size when it comes to Kit. Size isn’t his problem; his coldness is.
“So, have you shown him your newspaper collection yet?” Cole asks me, and I nearly spit out my tea.
My face is red in an instant. “Oh, he found them.”
“Sadie’s a true fan of Lone Pine,” Cole smiles.
“I know she is,” is all Kit says with a sigh, rubbing at the scruff on his face.
The next quiet minute that passes feels like an eternity.
I’m not even sure why we’re here when Kit clearly doesn’t want anything more from me than a weekend of sex.
And it’s as clear as day as we sit on opposite sides of the couch, miles apart, while Cole and Annie stare at us, looking as awkward as I feel. What’s the point of doing this?
Why did Kit even agree to it?
“Well, we’re quite impressed with your work, Sadie,” Cole chimes in, clearing his throat. “You were right in your interview. You work just as hard as the men.”
“She works harder,” Kit defends with a smile in my direction. His blue eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I’m reminded of how good it feels to have his attention. To look in his eyes and get swallowed up by the blue.
You used me, just like you’re using me right now.
Felt. How good it felt.
My blood boils. Maybe he’s okay with pretending, or whatever the fuck this is, but I can’t stand it for a minute longer. “Thank you for the tea.” I set the cup down, hands shaking. “I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” With that, I storm out of the room, holding back tears.
Kit’s there a moment later, braced against the front door before I can open it. “Sadie—”
“Don’t,” I snap. “I’m going home.”
“Let me take you.”
With a shake of my head, I’m out the door, intent on walking home. It’ll take me at least forty minutes, but I need the air.
Need the space.
“Just leave me alone, Kit,” I call out, hearing his boots crunching in the gravel behind me.
“Can we please talk?” he asks.
Maybe it’s the adrenaline, or the fact that my emotions are on a tightly wound string, but I laugh. “I really don’t see the point. You have made this very clear, Kit.” And perhaps this is what I needed anyway. I’ve become far too attached too quickly.
His footsteps stop, but I keep going, creating the distance that I need from him.
“I heard you on the phone, talking to another guy.” I stop, realization hitting me like a freight train. “With some guy you called Jax. I—” his throat bobs as I turn around, facing him. “I’m just confused.” Everything about his posture is worn down, just as worn as his leather boots.
“You think I’m entertaining other guys?” I could laugh at how ridiculous this sounds.
He kicks up gravel under his boots. “Shit, I don’t know. Yes. Maybe. I mean, what else was I supposed to think?”
Tremors of my past relationship roll through me. The distrust. The blame for things I never did.
The punishments…
“You could trust me.” I close the space, feeling my pulse burn beneath my skin. “You could ask me who I was talking to.” An edge creeps into my voice. “You could do everything but just assume!” My fists curl into a ball as I scream at him.
He removes his ballcap, running a frustrated hand through his dark hair. “I know, I want to. Look, I’m sorry but… how can I trust you to be honest with me? You won’t even tell me why I can’t touch your back.”
His words sting. For so many reasons, telling him about my back wasn’t a trust thing—it was for my own mental health. To keep the bad memories buried in the past so I could move on.
So I could become more than just my scars.
“That’s not fair,” the words come out of me, shaking as tears start to fall. I wipe away the stray tears, stepping forward. “I was talking to my older brother earlier. His name is Jaxson.”
His eyes fill with regret, “Your brother…” His shoulders sag as he stands there, filling in the missing pieces.
“Meanwhile, you made me feel like you were ashamed of me. Like you were using me for a weekend getaway.” Like I’m the whore my ex always said I was.
Guess he was right.
He blinks, looking like I’ve physically struck him. “Sadie, that was not my intention—”
“Save it. It doesn’t matter.” I storm off, arms tucked in tight as the sun falls behind the mountains.
I’m shivering to the bone by the time I make it through the front door with frozen tears stuck to my cheeks. Hands shaking as I gather up my things lying around his house, shoving them into my suitcase as fast as possible.
Kit’s truck pulls up a minute later, car lights flashing through the window.
He enters the bedroom, leaning in the doorway while I struggle with the suitcase zipper, watching me intently for what feels like minutes before he decides to speak.