Chapter 21 #3
“It matters,” he murmurs, but I ignore him. “Everything regarding you matters to me, Sadie. It always has,” his deep voice cracks.
One side finally zips, but the other refuses to move. It also doesn’t help that my fingers are frozen.
“You’re right,” he continues with a softness to his voice. “I should’ve asked. I never should’ve assumed, and that’s on me. But when I heard you say another man’s name, I went to a dark place, and I’m sorry.”
I pull out a sweatshirt that won’t fit, pulling on the stuck zipper once more. Fuck this suitcase.
“My ex… Dakota… Well, she cheated on me… a lot. More times than I can count.”
My hands slow, and the suitcase finally zips.
“I thought if I kept showing up… kept loving her harder, she’d choose me. Eventually. That maybe one day she’d realize I was enough. That I could be enough.”
But no matter how much you love something, you can’t make it love you back in the way you deserve.
A feeling I know too well.
My chest feels tight as I drop to the edge of his bed, finally looking at him for the first time since he walked into the room.
His blue eyes are so bright, with red around the rims, like he’s been crying.
His broad shoulders sagging, using the doorframe for balance.
Every part of me wants to wrap my arms around him, comfort him.
But I feel frozen with the grief of his words.
“I would have left her. So many times. But she had a daughter named June. She was only a year old when I met her, and after seven years, she was basically mine. I was all she knew. She called me daddy, and… and all I wanted was to be that for her. To give her the family that she needed. So, I kept showing up. No matter how much it hurt me. I didn’t know how to leave her. ”
Tears fill my eyes as I sink deeper into the bed. My heart feels like it’s breaking, falling apart as his story pours out of him.
“I even bought Dakota an engagement ring, like an idiot. Hoping to surprise her on Christmas morning, but when I walked through the door… she was with someone else.” He shuts his eyes for a moment.
“And that was all I could take. I’ve hated Christmas ever since, and everything about this time of year. ”
I pat the bed, gesturing for him to sit beside me, needing to close this space between us. “I’m so sorry,” I say as he sits beside me. “I can’t even imagine.”
It all makes sense now.
How much he hates the mechanical Santa at the bar, the reason he always wants to be alone, Christmas music, his trust issues, his jealousy… all of it.
“I want to trust you, Sadie. I do. But I’m terrified one day you’ll get bored with me. That I won’t be enough.”
My heart clenches. How can he think that? “If anything, you can be too much sometimes,” I try to lighten the mood.
He huffs a laugh, wiping tears from his cheeks.
I turn my body towards him, grabbing his shoulders. Forcing him to look in my eyes, so he can see how much I care about him. “I would never do that to you, Kit. That’s not who I am.” And I could never hurt him that way.
He smiles, but it’s half-assed, like he still doesn’t believe me.
“Look, the minute my body doesn’t feel like it’s going to light on fire when you look into my eyes, I promise I’ll let you know.” He truly laughs this time, with a sexy smile in the corner of his perfect mouth. “Besides, it’s much more likely that you’ll get bored with me first,” I admit.
Or sick of me, or both.
He shakes his head and gently pushes me down on the bed, hovering inches above me. My body comes alive with his radiating warmth, and the faint whiff of pine trees and rain that envelops me. “Do you really believe that?”
“Well, there are plenty of other women on this ranch who’d love to be with you.” Like Leah. “And probably more than half of Aspen Hollow, too.”
He smiles, and it makes my heart flutter.
All the butterflies come alive with the way he looks at me.
“Yet my eyes are on you. They’ve always been on you.
” Shallow breaths escape my mouth as his gaze moves to my lips.
“I’m really sorry, Sadie. You are not a weekend getaway, and I’m going to prove that to you.
Starting now, seeing as by the next minute you might not want me anymore,” he teases.
“That is not how I meant it.”
“I know.” And then his lips are on mine. Consuming all my thoughts as he presses his body against me. “So, you have a brother?”
“Let’s not talk about that now.” I pull his mouth back to mine, needing more.
Our clothes slowly fall to the wooden floor as moonlight drifts in, highlighting Kit’s torso. His hands stay on my hips, holding me tight while my legs are wrapped around him. Sitting in his lap while I rock into him, fucking him slow as he spreads soft kisses to my breasts.
This moment is so hot and heavy, yet everything around us is so still, as if it’s only Kit and me and the warm breaths escaping our mouths in the inch of space between us.
I’m naked and wrapped in his strong arms when I fall into a deep sleep, forgetting about my fears. Forgetting about everything except how good and safe it feels to be wrapped up in him.