Jace
Isqueeze my eyes shut, then open them again, trying to blink away the words that can’t be real.
Conservatorship. Lennox.
For a moment I feel boneless and my body gives out on me. I step back, stumbling to catch myself but Lennox grabs my arm, holding me upright.
I think I hear him saying something next to me, but it feels like I’m drowning and the sound is muffled. A low and garbled, indistinct noise.
The air is stalled in my chest and I’m unable to breathe.
My eyes slowly scan over the crowd of journalists. They all look like giants now, raising their slow, incoherent voices over each other, spitting out questions I can’t register.
Lennox's hand squeezes me gently. “Jace—” He sounds winded, his voice is shaky and even though he’s standing right next to me I can hardly hear that either.
“Jace,” he says more forcefully and I blink out of the confusion. My eyes flicker down to his hand on my forearm, then out to the crowd of reporters turned vultures. They are rowdy now, demanding answers.
“Jace, tell us about the conservatorship.”
“Jace, what do you have to say about the Chatterbox article?”
“Lennox, tell us more.” A reporter right in front of us says and her words register like a resounding foghorn.
Tell us more.
I turn, finally lifting my eyes to his. I dart them between those lush green eyes that I’ve found comfort in. The ones that made me feel safe, protected, needed.
“What did you do?” The words are a breath of a whisper and broken.
It’s as if the realization of the words brought me back to the present. The room is loud now with overbearing questions and shutter clicks overlapping each other. Lights flash with blinding precision, one after the other, as we both stare at each other.
I release a choppy breath and step around Lennox running off the stage and into the back of the auditorium.
I’m lost in a mess of stacked tables and chairs, stage lights and stored items. I keep running through a maze, trying to find an exit. Find Howard.
Lennox’s voice screams behind me but I keep running, not slowing down because I can’t. I can’t stop. I need to get out of here.
“Howard!” I yell. Fuck. Fuck.
“Here, sir! Here.” His voice comes from somewhere to my right and my legs push forward in that direction. “This way.” He waves at himself and allows me to pass by him as we head to the exit.
“No. Jace. Stop!” Lennox calls out.
We’re in front of the door, the sunlight beams through the crease and for some stupid fucking reason, I stop. Howard moves forward, cracking open the door just enough to peer out and check the surroundings.
I turn around, my stoic demeanor put tightly back in place.
Lennox stops a few feet in front of me, completely out of breath. My blood boils in my veins, my heart pounds behind my ribcage and for the first time in my life I want to punch someone. I want him to be a punching bag for all the emotions that are roaring through me like an unstoppable virus.
“Why did you do it?” I ask, monotone but clipped.
“You have to believe—”
“How much did they pay you, Lennox?”
His brows pinch together as he shakes his head.
“Jace—” He steps toward me.
“Don’t fucking come near me!” I scream as I step back.
Howard places his hand on my shoulder. “It’s clear. We should go now.” I see him look up at Lennox with a clenched jaw and disdain in his gaze.
“I hope you got all the money you needed in exchange for ruining my life.” My words are factual, emotionless. Because I can’t feel anything. I’m numb all the way to my bones.
I step back, allowing Howard to guide me out before I take one last look at him.
I thought I knew what misery was.
I thought I’d experienced betrayal from people who wanted to use me.
I thought I knew what being restricted and powerless felt like.
I thought the last ten years of my life was the worst it could ever get.
But as the door closes between us and my heart shatters into a million pieces, I realize, I’ve never known true misery and betrayal until now.