41 Ryatt
There were no words. None. The silence sat between us because there was nothing that could be said to change what had to be done. Even though we won the battle against Saul, we took a great loss in the process.
I took Kit from Damien because I needed her to be against me.
I needed her to bleed her pain into me, so I felt like I could take it away from her.
The science of that wasn’t accurate because I she didn’t belong to my pack, and it made me regret all the years wasted that she should have been under me.
Studying her neck, I was finally able to see the burn up close where the bite now sat over it.
She bled a little from the holes, and I hated that the pain punctured her deeper than these bites.
Her face appeared sunken and swollen from all she had endured.
Bruising lined her jaw and head. It had only been just over a week, but enough to ruin her in ways I couldn’t describe.
Again, she got hurt because of me. My enemy knew she was back on the chess board after she saved me, so it felt like my fault.
I was the one who got her hurt. I failed her.
I failed the only female Omega I ever loved.
Even though I wore a stoic expression, I knew the others could see the tears falling down my cheeks as I remained reserved to the rest of them.
I was sitting in the back of the van with Kit over my lap because I refused to let go of her.
My ribs and lung didn’t care because keeping her close became the only thing I had left.
Damien sat across from me, and I could see the hurt in his stare every time he tried to glance Kit’s way.
A mutual respect settled between us because we both blamed ourselves for how Kit got hurt, but he saved her.
Both times, he was the one who got her out.
I was the one who got her trapped, making me feel inadequate as a leader.
I studied Kit’s body in the fleece jacket Jericho placed her in.
He removed it from himself and zipped her up to hide her body from the rest of the world.
He gave her a sense of modesty to not feel as vulnerable.
None of us were prepared to see her convulsing and screaming out her pain after Saul had been killed.
Kit was strong though, holding Saul’s head up nice and high for Castiel to finish the job.
With the instincts rooted within her, killing Saul would have been like killing herself a thousand times over, so she knew she couldn’t do it alone.
Castiel received the honor, finishing his promise to Damien that he would take out his father’s empire.
I looked out the window, the day still dreary from all the rain falling around us.
Winter would be here soon, so we needed to figure out a plan for what we would do to survive it.
I wasn’t sure if we would have sanctuary with Kit anymore because I knew she blamed us for what had happened to her.
We were the very reason Saul was able to take her the first time, so it made sense that her mind would connect us to this as well.
We pulled up to the compound and made our way in, hating the forlorn feeling that now rooted within all of us. No one was in the same pack as Kit, but we all felt her suffering within our souls because everyone who stood around her loved her just as much as I did.
“I’m going to take her to her room,” I murmured to Anika because I knew she would understand.
“My brother and I will get things squared away with the weapons and vehicles. Just make sure you bathe her please.” Her voice was just as broken as mine, trying to mask the sheer agony underneath. “They never give her that kindness.”
How dare those sick men? I growled, wishing I could skin Saul’s hide.
My pack knew to give me time to get Kit squared away before joining me.
When it came time to heal a pack member from a loss, the Alpha handled the immediate problems in private.
Kit needed care for her body and her mind, so for the first few hours, she’d only have me.
Once I got all that sorted, the rest of the pack would join because the only connection that would help would be to be surrounded by everyone she loved.
I made my way down her suite with ease after learning the hallways.
This marked the first time I stood in her private quarters, and it made me hurt even more.
Right on the center of her bed, Kit had made a nest. She made a nest because she wanted to feel like she was the central Omega of a pack, but I knew better than anyone else she slept in it alone.
A single flannel shirt sat in the center of her nest of blankets, but I didn’t recognize who it belonged to.
No wonder why she wandered around so much at night. I couldn’t even imagine coming in and laying by myself in isolation on purpose. This would ruin my head, so I took her straight into the bathroom and got the water going.
My hands gently lied her barely roused body over the floor, and I hurried to undress myself before taking off the jacket that covered her torso. She looked so small and frail with how the jacket sat around her, and it bothered my mind even more.
Getting us both into the shower, I finally broke.
There might have been a few tears staining my cheeks, but I finally let my chest heave as I struggled to breathe properly from this guilt, and the puncture in my left lung.
I held onto Kit tightly, promising that this broke me too.
I could smell all the other scents on her body that told me too many had violated her, and I hated seeing her be just as strong afterward.
She ran into the fight, refusing Damien to get her out.
She didn’t want to be the broken damsel, so she came back in and helped us combat.
Kit’s body was tired, and I could see it with how she moved.
I had no doubt her insides hurt from everything Saul had already done to her, but she didn’t let that stop her.
She came back in to make sure the rest of us got out even though we were there to extract her.
Cuts lined her torso over an old scar, showing Saul wanted to remind her of what he once did to her.
Holding onto her tighter, I felt how her head had no strength to elevate, draping over my arm to lean back. She still breathed, and I kept checking her heartbeat periodically for my own sanity, but I also knew she wasn’t alive outside of physically existing.
“I’m sorry,” I sobbed into her. Not many had seen me cry like this, and it had only happened a handful of times in my life. Every single time involved the woman in my arms, and it stemmed from me failing her. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Hold me.” The words were light that left her lips, but I heard them as an echo from her soul.
“I’m never letting go again,” I promised her.
Her dainty hand shakily moved up to touch my cheek. Even though we were under the fall of the water, she wiped my tears away. Kit made sure to take care of me because that was her purpose in all of this as an Omega. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”
I nearly snorted from the conundrum. She was the one who had been raped and tortured, but she was worried about my state. “Don’t ever be sorry for me. I deserve the hell I’ll find after this life for everything that’s ever happened to you.”
“You didn’t know,” she tried to soothe the demons that were spurring inside of me. “I blamed you, but I was wrong for it too.”
Shaking my head, I cried harder and closed my eyes as I buried my face against the side of hers. Sitting hunched over made me feel just as defeated as I felt.
“I love you,” I confessed to her. She probably knew after all this time because of the things that kept happening between us, but she needed to hear it come out of my mouth. “I’m so fucking angry about what’s happened to you because I love you too fucking much.”
“I’ve always belonged to you,” she whispered as she dozed back off. Her body slumped away as her hand dropped from my face because she couldn’t stay conscious. “It’s always been you.”
Feeling the drop in her body once again, I hated that we were going through this.
I loathed not being able to suck the pain right out of her and place it inside myself.
The hardest thing in life wasn’t dying. It came from watching someone you love get killed or watching them lose something that once made them whole.
I spent another ten minutes crying and holding her to me as the hot water trickled over us, masking my breakdown.
I let myself mourn with her for everything we had lost over the years.
All the time she should’ve been mine. When I could finally catch my breath for a single second, I took better care of her.
My hands played in her messy tresses as they worked the shampoo and conditioner through them. I took a loofa with extra soap and scrubbed her skin to be clean of all the wrong scents on it. Scrubbing the dry cum was the hardest part because I couldn’t undo what happened between her legs.
When I got us clean enough, I turned off the water and reached for the towel I placed next to the tub.
My hands worked fast to dry us off as we sat in the bath because I knew I wanted to take her straight to bed once I stood up.
We weren’t fully dry, but I nestled her into her nest that she had made, promising to not leave it until she told me I had to.