Chapter 23 - Rissa
Brooks’s silence as I began walking away from him in the meadow was enough to tell me what I already suspected. His silence confirmed my suspicions, but what hurts the most is knowing that it was all an act.
Why did I ever allow myself to believe that it was any different? That he could change? Of course, he was just pretending to appease the Council and do what’s right in front of those in charge.
That’s why he bullied me in the past.
That’s why he was nice to me now.
It’s always an act to gain someone else’s approval.
I was the fool who got tricked by his antics, and now I’ve gotten my heart broken. Scoffing at my own miserable situation, I sniff back my tears and proceed into Brooks’s house, impulsively deciding that I can’t live here anymore.
What’s the point, anyway? I think as I drag my feet across the floor, my heart heavy as I pull myself up the stairs and enter the bedroom where my things were unpacked a few weeks ago.
I have to pack them again now, only taking a few invaluable possessions with me until I can figure out how to get the rest of my things back to my cottage.
Brooks told me that it wasn’t safe out there, and I believed him.
But it’s more dangerous being in his house when he doesn’t really want me here.
It’s dangerous for my heart, and I can’t risk breaking it any more than it’s been broken already.
For a week, he’s been trying to push me away. Tonight, he showed me that he doesn’t care about me, and he’s been lying all this time.
Sniffing back the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes, I try to remain as numb as possible to my decision to leave. I’ll deal with the repercussions of this failed mate bond later.
For now, I just need to get out so I don’t have to face him. Shaking my head with disappointment in myself, I pull the strap of the duffel bag over my shoulder and drag my feet back down the stairs. Thankfully, he hasn’t come back, and I’m able to make a quiet exit from his house.
I wasn’t in the mood for another fight, too exhausted from the extensive training and wielding of my powers to perfect the traps to capture the demon.
After successfully catching one and sending it back to the underworld, Aurora, Yvonne, and I have been doing everything in our power to have as many traps ready as possible.
I’d been working harder just to prove myself to Brooks, but it was all in vain. I don’t know why I was trying so hard when he was so quick to tell me to stop, as if he didn’t appreciate a single thing I did.
His true colors came out in the end, and I was just the fool who couldn’t see through the illusion before.
But I see things clearly now, and I won’t be forced into this mate bond with him if it means I lose my sense of self again.
Dragging my feet through the stone and dirt paths that make up the web of the residential area of the south side of the village, I find my way toward the edge of the forest where my old cottage lies.
Shrouded in darkness, the place appears as abandoned as my heart feels right now, but I push through the gloomy feeling settling over my bones as I climb the porch and unlock my door.
I haven’t visited the cottage in weeks, almost as if I were running away from my past in the hopes that I would forge a new future with Alpha Brooks. As soon as I step inside, the musty smell of the cottage hits me like a punch in the gut, a reminder of that past.
It wasn’t just the past with Brooks I was running from, but also the past in which my mother died while I was a young teen, and I was left to fend for myself. I was strong for so long, and I don’t want to be strong anymore.
If only Mom were still alive, I’d be able to question her about my gifts, our heritage, and how I’m the one who inherited magic powers. Maybe she would have had the answers, maybe she wouldn’t.
Nonetheless, she would have had arms that would offer me comfort and soothe the pain in my heart.
The absence of those arms is a heavy weight that pushes me to my knees, confined to the darkness surrounding me that soon becomes an abyss of loneliness, pulling at me with treacherous tendrils and drawing out my sobs.
Keeled over my knees, I weep into my trembling hands as vivid memories flash through my mind: Brooks and the times we shared together, moments of bonding that I truly believed in, and those nights of passionate trysts when I thought our connection went beyond the constraints of the fated mate bond.
We had nothing, it seems, and now I’m left nursing a broken heart, all because I allowed him to affect me like this.
If I felt nothing but hatred for him as I did before, I wouldn’t be in this inconsolable situation right now.
A knock on the door jolts me out of my misery, but turns it stronger when I become fearful that it might be Brooks on my porch. A small flicker of hope lends me the strength to get to my feet, but I push it away so I don’t get disappointed.
Why would Brooks come looking for me after that fight? He clearly doesn’t care about me at all, and he let me walk away without saying a word to stop me.
I’m proven right when I open the door to find an older, kinder face staring back at me. Portia swallows her smile when she notices the tears on my face, and she instantly steps forward and pulls me into her arms.
“Oh, honey…” she soothes as I drop my head on her shoulder, too exhausted to pretend that I’m okay.
Gentle, consoling pats on the back of my head allow me to feel safe to cry in the arms of the woman who’d been my greatest supporter when I wanted to join the clinic as a healer, and even vouched for me when Alpha Elias was deciding if I could work there.
When I’ve cried all the tears I needed to release, I lift my head and offer her a feeble, thankful smile.
“I’m sorry, Portia.” I apologize as I wipe the tears streaming down my cheeks. “You didn’t have to see that.”
“Well, I’m glad I did,” she assures me as she takes my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad I heard some movement in the cottage, or I wouldn’t have known you were here.”
I nod as I step aside. “Do you wanna come inside?”
Portia walks in, then heads to the kitchen, turning on the light and preparing tea for the two of us. She does everything with a sense of familiarity, which speaks to all the years she spent in her neighbor’s house, sharing countless pots of tea with my mother when she was still alive.
“So tell me, honey,” she begins as she pours the boiled water into cups prepared with the tea herbs from the cabinet. “Why are you back here?”
I sigh as she brings the cups over, pulling mine forward and breathing in the aroma of chamomile, mint, and honey, a wave of comfort washing over me.
“I needed to come back home,” I whisper before taking a sip of the herbal tea.
“But is ‘home’ really a place, or is it a person?”
I look up to meet Portia’s hazel eyes, feeling as if she’s seeing right through me.
It doesn’t come as a surprise, since Portia has been our neighbor since before I was born.
She’s the kindest soul I know, the first she-wolf who didn’t treat me like an outsider, even after both my parents were gone.
But it’s still unnerving to have to mull over the question, a tiny voice inside my head whispering the answer.
“He’s nothing to me,” I say with a slightly defensive tone, as if I’m arguing with my inner voice. “If he had to choose—if it wasn’t for the Elders—he wouldn’t have chosen me as his mate.”
Portia snorts as she takes a sip of her tea. “He sounded quite sure of himself when he came by the clinic the other day. I asked him when he’d announce your mate bond, and he was being coy, but he seemed happy.”
“A lot has happened since then,” I admit dryly. “When Laura attacked me in the forest—”
“Alpha Brooks threw her in the dungeon for what she did,” Portia reveals, and I gasp in shock.
I had no idea that Laura was punished for what happened. “That can’t be right. I had no idea.”
“It’s only a befitting punishment for someone who was solely responsible for Amelia’s death. Alpha Brooks was devastated at her memorial service this afternoon.”
“He was?” I frown, to which Portia nods slowly.
“Amelia used to work for his parents as a maid. She practically raised him in that house,” Portia sighs. “I can only imagine how her death affected him. He even lost his temper and fought with someone at the reception in the hall.”
Shocked because I had no idea that the woman who was killed by the demon that day was someone close to Brooks.
It’s no wonder he’d become distant. He was battling his own grief when she died.
“I had no idea.” I blink fervently as the shock settles in, and I realize how regretful I am of the things I said to him earlier tonight.
“It’s no wonder he had Laura thrown in the dungeon,” Portia goes on. “I’m just surprised he didn’t kill her.”
“For obvious reasons, he would have picked her as his mate if it weren’t for me. He’s probably keeping her alive—”
“No, honey,” Portia interjects as she reaches over the table and places a hand over mine, shaking her head.
“You don’t understand. Laura was always jealous of you.
I heard her a few times in the clinic. But it was always one-sided.
Alpha Brooks fought with someone at Amelia’s memorial because he was defending you. ”
My jaw drops as realization hits me, and Portia goes on to explain what happened and how Brooks valiantly defended me as his mate.
In my absence.
It wasn’t all an act, after all.
I just jumped to conclusions when he became distant, not realizing that he was going through something internally.
My eyes fill with tears, and I feel foolish and, at the same time, guilty that Brooks felt like he couldn’t open up to me. I’d kept myself so occupied with building the traps that I neglected our relationship.
Hanging my head in shame, a torrent of emotions washes over me, and all I’m left with is regret.
I should have trusted him. I shouldn’t have spoken so horribly to him when he probably needed me earlier tonight. What’s worse is that I might have sabotaged the relationship we formed, all because of my insecurities, even after he assured me so many times that I could trust him.
Didn’t he prove it enough?
Of course he did.
I failed the man I love.
Gasping when I recognize why I’d been feeling so torn, I lift my eyes at Portia and shake my head. “I need to go. I need to go home.”
Portia smiles as she sips the remainder of her tea. “You need to go to Brooks.”
Nodding slowly, it’s my realization that I love Brooks that gives me strength now. I need to fix this, and Portia assures me that she’ll take care of our cups and that I can go.
Just as I walk toward the door, an unsettled feeling washes over me, stopping me in my tracks. Goosebumps erupt over my forearms, and a sudden, icy chill sets in the air.
I lift my head to see that the natural light that had been filtering through the curtains and the crack beneath the door is blacked out now.
My eyes widen with horror as I slowly make my way to the door and tentatively turn the handle, pulling it just a crack to witness the black smoke covering the clouds floating toward the woods.
The demon dog is here.
“Portia!” I exclaim, my heart pounding as I spin around to face her. “I need another favor from you.”
Portia looks up from the kitchen sink. “What is it, honey?”
I quickly rush over to her and explain the arrival of the demon dog in Girdwood. I know what I must do to make up for what I did to hurt Brooks, and the only way I can do it is if I go after the demon now.
“I need you to go back and report this to Brooks. Tell him I’ve gone after the demon.”
“Rissa! It isn’t safe out there!” Portia calls out after me, but I’m already at the door, my heart drumming with adrenaline.
I have to prove myself to Brooks and hope that he forgives me.
“I have magic, I’ll be fine. Just get to Brooks and inform him of this. I know he’ll come for me. So will the others.”
With renewed faith in my mate and those I can trust, I rush out into the forest in the direction the demon had flown. I have to do this to make amends; it’s the only way I know how.