Chapter 33 Evan
EVAN
As I sit by the windowsill in the living room, I write down every last thought from my head. I haven’t plucked up the courage to talk to someone yet; instead, I’ve been writing down my feelings in an attempt to sort them out in my head first.
Most of the notes are messy and out of order, but I scribble them down the second they come to mind. If I do end up talking to someone, at least I have the book to reference if my brain goes blank.
It’s a daunting thought of going to therapy and letting them dissect your mind. They’ll take one look at me and go—you’re unfixable, sorry.
“Hey.” Ava’s voice draws me away from my notebook.
I glance up to find her leaning against the doorframe. “Hey.”
“How are you holding up?”
As she gestures to my face, I release a silent grunt. I’ve been told to stay away from Sam and vice versa. All I wanted was to ignore the situation, but the bruises on my face say otherwise.
Caleb’s right, I do have friends here because they’d only ask if they care. I sigh. Maybe I’m a pessimistic asshole.
“Yeah,” I say as I swing my legs around and close my notebook. “I’m alright.”
“Sam’s been put in isolation.”
“Which explains why I haven’t seen him around.”
“Jax is honestly at wits' end with him. He’s getting a little too big for his boots.”
My mouth tilts to the side as she lingers. I heard Sam was also an asshole to Ava when Jaxon first brought her home; he doesn’t have the best track record.
“What are you writing?” Ava asks curiously.
I stare blankly at my notepad. “Uh, just my thoughts.”
“Like a diary?”
“Kind of. I actually wanted to ask how you found therapy with Gemma?”
“Great.” She nods enthusiastically. “She was patient, kind, and always gave me a safe space to talk. I owe her a lot. Why?”
I stare back at our brave Luna. She’s come a long way. From someone who was scared of her own shadow to standing tall and raising a baby with her fated mate, she’s turned her life around.
“Are you thinking about it?” Ava asks after a few moments.
“Yeah.”
“It’s a big step,” she says. “But it helped me so much. It’s worth trying to see if it’s something that could help. It honestly saved my life.”
I hum. “Do you think I need to go?”
Ava is silent as she steps into the living room. “I’m not going to tell you what you do and don’t need, but I know you’ve been through a lot. I don’t know how much you’ve digested or pushed to the back of your mind. If you think it’ll help, I recommend it. And Gemma is an angel.”
My lips press together. “Okay.”
“And we’re always here if you need anything, Evan.”
“I know.”
“I’m gonna head out into town with Aurora if you want to come.”
I wave a hand. “You guys have fun. I’ve got something I need to do.”
Ava’s eyes drop down to the notebook in my lap, and she smiles. “Sure, see you later.”
When she leaves, the living room is filled with silence. I flick through the notebook to glance over what I’ve jotted down. The same few words stick out and make my heart thump in my throat.
Weak.
Nothing.
Embarrassment.
My nose wrinkles at the words. I don’t want to feel like those things anymore.
After slamming the notebook shut, I stand and head outside for some fresh air.
Are you still interested in training with me? I direct to Caleb.
His response is immediate. Of course.
I get you’re busy, and I don’t want to take up too much of your time. But any chance that you get, I want to be there and try my hardest.
Caleb chuckles softly. I think you’re forgetting I’m allowed free time, too, pups.
Free time doing more training? Sounds like hell.
Any time spent with you is the opposite of hell.
My cheeks heat at the sound of his voice in my head.
I’ve already contacted Jaxon about how we’re going to do this.
How?
Like I said, trainee trainers, and we’re offering extra sessions as a thank you to your pack for helping out.
My forehead aches as I frown. But I thought we’d train together?
Disappointment starts to filter through me.
Easy, he states. We are. I told Jaxon I’d train you myself.
I blink in surprise. What?
After that fight, I said I’d like to help you build confidence.
And what did he say?
Yes, and that you could do with some tough training.
I roll my eyes. He wants me dead.
No, he wants you to get to where you want to be. Not everyone has it out for you—get that perspective out of your head.
My fist tightens as I dig my nails into my palm. I always have an answer to everything, and it’s exhausting.
I don’t want to be like this anymore, Caleb.
Then we’re going to get you out of that headspace. Whatever it takes.
I drink in his words.
Whatever it takes.
As I stand beside Nina and Leon in Jaxon’s office, I’m filled with excitement to see Caleb today. It’s stupid and sickening, but I can’t help it. Not when the bond is practically shaking inside of me.
“So, are you all happy to go over to Caleb’s pack for extra training?” Jaxon asks as he leans on his desk, arms folded over one another. “As Kayden can no longer do his sessions with you guys, it’s come at a beneficial time that Caleb’s pack can offer this to us.”
Leon and Nina nod, along with the few other pack members around us. “Yes, Alpha.”
“It’ll be for a trial period,” he states. “And if it’s working, we’ll continue. If not, we’ll think of new options.”
My stomach clenches. I don’t want new options. I want to see improvement.
“We’ll see how it goes.” Jaxon nods before dismissing us. “Evan.”
I pause before I make it out the door. “Yeah?” My eyes land on his face.
“Caleb has offered to train you,” he says.
I fake a gulp, and Jaxon studies the movement. “Why?”
“After the situation with Sam, he wanted to offer his skills. And he mentioned how much you’ve helped with his pack settling in. Caleb isn’t the type to let you give up or complain. I think some one-on-one time with another Alpha might boost your confidence in ways that I can’t.”
My lips begin to tremble, and I purse them to stop. “Okay.”
“You can go now.”
I leave his office, shutting the door on the way out. We thought sneaking around would be hard, but maybe it’s not as bad as we thought it would be.
“Again,” Caleb’s voice bellows through the trees.
I charge towards him in my wolf form, my paws pounding against the ground as I snarl and throw myself into him. Caleb falls to the ground, but it doesn’t even faze him.
“Better.” He nods before dusting himself off and standing up. “But I know you’ve got more in there.”
I roll over, dirt covering every inch of my fur.
There’s nothing left, I shoot through our mindlink.
Caleb raises an unimpressed brow at me. “I’ll be the judge of that. There’s always something left in the tank, even when you’re exhausted. What if it’s a matter of life or death? You’d find that last streak of energy then.”
I stand on my four legs and stare up at him.
“You’ve got this, Evan,” he says encouragingly. “Don’t let the voices in your head win. They’re just voices, they can’t hurt you, but I know you can push through.”
My jaw tightens as I prowl along the clearing and turn around to face him once more.
“Show me what you’ve got,” he says with confidence.
I suck in a breath and dart along the forest floor, my feet practically galloping against the ground until dirt kicks up around me. My teeth are bared, and my snout is trembling as I dive straight towards Caleb, clasping onto the drops of energy I have left.
My body tackles his legs, and he flies. We both do.
When we land on the ground, we’re silent for a few moments before Caleb peeks his head up at me and grins. “That’s more like it,” he says with glowing eyes.
Every inch of my body begins to tingle as I shake myself off and stand up. His green eyes hold me hostage for a moment as the matebond begins to snap and sizzle around us.
Having Caleb to myself? It’s a dream.
When the matebond starts to strengthen? It makes me lose my damn mind.
Caleb’s piercing gaze dilates as his chest heaves, arms bulging out of his T-shirt. He looks Goddess-made and unbelievably handsome from this angle. “Again. One more time.”
I’m filled with sudden arousal that’s completely inappropriate and mortifying for a training session. I turn away and put space between us before he can sense the fact that my crotch is about to have a party without my permission.
Now is not the time to become aroused, and even though I think of anything but him, it’s impossible when he makes me feel seen.
“Oh, so you get turned on watching me fight, but you also get turned on fighting with me?” Caleb curls a brow with mischief. “That’s interesting.”
My heart hammers aggressively. I can’t help it. You’re bossy, and it’s—
He smirks and runs his hand over the edge of my jaw, his fingers sliding through my fur. “You like me being bossy?”
I stare up at him with widening eyes. Yes, I confess. It’s thrilling.
There’s a glint of surprise in Caleb’s gaze. “Then I’ll show you just how bossy I can be.”
Goddess.