Chapter 34 Evan
EVAN
Even when I don’t try to think of Caleb, I end up thinking about him.
We’ve had a few more sessions together at his pack house when he has the time to slot me in for an hour or two. I’ll take anything I can get to be in close proximity to him.
It’s ridiculous. I never thought I could feel this obsessed over someone. That’s when I keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t become reliant on it. If what we have is taken away, I don’t want to be back to square one—I want to use his company and affections to better myself, not solve my problems.
As fated mates, we’re destined to spend the rest of eternity together. But I don’t know how we’re meant to do that with Caleb’s father lurking around. I haven’t seen him in a while, not since the party months ago, and it’s probably for the best.
I haven’t asked Caleb about it because he seems stressed as it is, and at this point, ignorance is bliss. I don’t want anything to burst the bubble that we’ve built. I’ll live in my delusional world forever.
When I step into the kitchen, I find Kayleigh sitting at the island, tapping away on her laptop. The second she sees me, her eyes light up. “Morning, Evan.”
“Hey, Kayleigh,” I say as I open the fridge and remove the apple juice. “Are you working?”
She hums. “Yeah, just a little research.”
“Fun.”
“I wish,” she snorts.
“Where’s Kayden?”
“Double-checking the perimeter or something.” She waves a hand, not taking her eyes off her laptop. “I don’t really know.”
My lips lift into a smile as I perch on the stool opposite her. We sit in silence as I listen to her tap on her keyboard. I run a hand through my hair before scratching the crown.
Kayleigh isn’t the type of person to judge, and I know anything I say to her she’ll keep to herself, even if it’s mortifying as hell.
There’s nothing I want more than to thank Caleb for all his time and effort in our training, but the only issue is that I’m embarrassingly inexperienced.
Sure, I’ve looked on Google, but they all say different things, and I don’t want to do it wrong.
“Kayleigh…” I trail off. “Can I ask you something?”
Her blue eyes flick up from her laptop as she rests her elbows on the ledge of the island. “Sure thing, what’s up?”
“This is honestly embarrassing." I laugh hesitantly. “There’s no way I could ask Ava and look at Jaxon the same, or anyone else in the pack for that matter.”
I suck in a breath and try to rid my thoughts of that image before it festers.
“Ask what?”
“How do you—” I clear my throat and glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re completely alone. “H-how do you give a blowjob?”
My cheeks burn like hell the second the words leave my lips.
Her mouth falls open at my question before she releases a soft squeal. “Are you dating someone?”
I half-shrug. “I guess.”
“Do you trust this person?”
“Yeah.”
Kayleigh stares at me for a long moment, her lips swishing from side to side. “Okay,” she says as she slaps the counter and stands up.
I watch as she walks across the kitchen, towards the fruit bowl on the side, before picking up two bananas. “Well…there’s no point trying to explain it to you. We might as well practice,” she says with a smirk.
“What?” I squeak. “Are we putting them in our mouths?”
“I’ll wash them first and grab some condoms. I wouldn’t ask you to do something so unsanitary.”
When she returns with two foil packets, she grabs the bananas, rinses them under the tap, and hands me one.
I look at it in my hand, feeling more clueless than ever.
Oh, Goddess, what have I done?
“Don’t unpeel it.” She waves a hand at me. “That’s when it can break off and get messy.”
My throat clenches as I nod. “Okay.”
She pushes a condom towards me, and I freeze. I’ve never used one in my life, let alone handled one. She clocks my reaction and shows me how to use a condom before rolling it onto the banana without any judgement whatsoever.
“What’s your gag reflex like?” she asks casually.
I blink once, then twice. “I-I have no idea.”
“First of all, you can always ask him what he likes. Communication is key—it’s how we learn. Not everyone likes the same thing, so it’s important to listen.”
“Okay.”
“But if we want to get technical, some seem to think that giving head is all about how far down your throat you can get a cock,” she says nonchalantly, and yet I’m over here, nearly having a heart attack.
“But it’s not all about that. Some guys like the tip being sucked and a little action with the hand on the rest of his cock, or even his balls, or hole. ”
My hand presses to my forehead. “I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, Kayleigh.”
“Not yet, you haven’t.” She winks at me.
“Come on. Let’s practice wrapping your mouth around the banana.
No teeth, so curl your lips around them because it can be painful if they catch on their skin.
But once you’ve practiced enough and you’re confident, you don’t need to keep doing this.
You’ll be careful not to use too much teeth.
And of course, suck. Then you just bob your head up and down—as far as you can go.
It’s normal to gag a little bit. I know some guys get off on that. ”
I register all of her information and raise the banana to my lips.
“Lips over teeth?”
She nods. “Yeah, you don’t want him screaming in pain.”
“Okay,” I murmur.
I slip the banana inside my mouth and let it spread my lips wide, but curl them beneath my teeth at the same time. It’s an alien feeling, but I sink it further inside before retreating.
Kayleigh watches, and her eyes light up with enthusiasm. “That’s it,” she says encouragingly. “Make sure you use lots of eye contact, and you can even swirl your fingers over their thighs, their ass. Get creative. It’s about bonding, being in the moment, and enjoying yourself.”
I remove the banana from my mouth before I start gagging.
“And if you’re not enjoying yourself, then stop. Don’t do it just for them; it’s about your safety, too. It should always be consensual and with someone you trust to keep you safe, yeah?”
“Thanks, Kayleigh,” I say gratefully.
“Let’s keep practicing,” she says before we get back to business.
“What the fuck are you guys doing?”
I rip the banana from my mouth and turn around to face Kayden, who is standing in the doorway, looking extremely entertained.
Kayleigh laughs and wipes her mouth. “Nothing.”
“Nothing? Because it looks like you two are trying to deep-throat some poor bananas.”
I cover my mouth with my hand. “Goddess,” I mutter under my breath.
“We’re scrubbing up on our skills.” Kayleigh grins. “No need to get jealous.”
Kayden rolls his eyes before his gaze lands on me. “If she’s teaching you anything, Evan, just know you’re learning from the best.”
I bury my head in my hands at the sheer embarrassment. Kayleigh chuckles softly as he looks back at her.
“I’ll leave you guys to your…workshop.” Kayden’s brows raise in our direction.
“Thanks, babe,” she yells out as he leaves the kitchen. She turns back towards me with bright eyes. “Right, where were we?”
I release a staggered laugh because only I would find myself in this situation.