Chapter 65 Caleb
CALEB
In the weeks that followed my return, getting back on my feet again wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
Regaining my strength was tough after feeling weak for days on end, to the point I thought I was ruined forever, but then I remembered not only was I starved for months, I also used my energy on my powers.
Felix kept the pack in check while I was gone, and when people asked questions as to where I was, rumours started to circulate that I had sided with my father after all. But Felix made sure these rumours were destroyed by explaining my situation.
I didn’t expect him to tell me my pack was willing to fight for my safety, and after explaining why they couldn't, to protect Evan, only then did they listen—even if they didn’t want to.
Earning the trust of my pack has been one of my biggest goals, but now, I think I’ve finally crossed that line after they discovered Ryker is dead and what he made me endure. All ties I have to him are now cut. We’ve never held the same reputation, and I’ll continue to prove it.
“Any news on Carson?” I ask Felix as he strolls into my office.
“Why are you up so early?”
I shrug. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“No. No news on Carson, but we’re looking.”
A hum falls from my lips.
“And from what I’ve investigated, it seems he was working alone. I’m still going to keep an eye on everyone, but I think now they know you have the same powers as Ryker, they’re shitting their pants.”
I press my mouth into a thin line. “I don’t want my powers to be something they’re terrified of, like I’ll turn into him, or for them to abide by orders just because they don’t want to get on the wrong side of me.”
Felix crosses his arms. “You’re a good Alpha, Caleb,” he states earnestly. “You’d never use them for anything unless you needed to.”
“Yeah,” I murmur. “Not to scare them and get them to fall in line.”
“And soon enough, they’ll know that.”
There’s a knock at my office door as Aimee steps inside.
“Alpha, Evan is here.”
I place down my pen and stand up. “We’ll talk more later,” I say.
As soon as I make it to the front door, I find Evan standing there with an oversized jumper that covers his hands.
I drink him in with my eyes. We’ve been seeing each other as much as we can, and I want him to move in with me again, now that we don’t have to hide.
But Evan has a new routine he needs to stick to for now, which I respect.
I don’t want to disrupt his recovery when he’s been coping alone.
“Hey,” I say softly as I walk towards him before pressing a kiss to his lips. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” he admits. “Just…taking it one day at a time.”
My hand brushes across the side of his head. I flick my gaze down to his nose to find a ring sitting through his nostril. “Did you change your piercing?”
“Yeah, about time I finally got a ring,” he says as he adjusts it. “Do you like it?”
I release a grunt as I nod. “Fuck, yeah. It’s hot. It looks so good on you.”
He flashes me a grin. “I’ve wanted to change it for ages.”
“Are you hungry?” I ask. “I can make us lunch.”
Evan’s eyes light up as we head towards the kitchen.
“How are you?” he asks.
“Better,” I confess. “Like you, taking it one day at a time.”
The corner of his lip twitches.
We get to work making sandwiches before sitting at the counter, thigh to thigh, as we eat.
“You have colour back in your face,” he says as he strokes my cheek. “You were grey for a little too long. I’ve been worried about you.”
“I’m coming round,” I murmur as I kiss his palm before he drops it onto his lap. “Eating better, getting back into training, and building up muscle. I never want to feel that weak again.”
“Your body went through a lot,” he says softly. “At least you can heal properly. Give yourself time. It’s not a race.”
I nod at his wise words. “You’re right. It’s not.”
Once we’ve finished lunch, we head up to my bedroom, where we sit on my bed, and I wrap him up in my arms.
“You’re very quiet today,” I comment. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
Evan remains silent before pushing himself up. “I–”
My forehead creases. “What’s wrong?”
He sniffles as his eyes wander anywhere but my face.
“Talk to me,” I urge.
“I’ve been speaking with Gemma, and I thought now you’re home, everything would get better,” he says slowly. “I’m so relieved that you’re here, but there is still such a heaviness in my heart, and I want to be the best person I can for our relationship.”
“Okay,” I whisper.
His mouth parts, and he inhales a small breath.
“And I think I need to go to a mental health facility,” he says after a few moments.
“At first, I didn’t want to, but the more I think about it, the more I realise it’s something I think I could really benefit from.
I want to come out of this with a new way of thinking.
I don’t want anything to come between us, and I’m scared I’ll end up pushing you away if things get bad again. ”
“Pups.” I stroke his arm tenderly.
Evan’s mouth trembles. “I-I’ll be away from you,” his voice breaks. “I know, but I’m really struggling right now, and I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to get better, and I want us to be happy.”
“If it’s what you need, then I’m here for you,” I say sincerely. “It’ll be a small amount of time compared to the rest of our lives.”
He finally looks at me with glistening eyes. “It’s gonna hurt.”
“But it’s for a good reason,” I murmur. “And I can come to visit. All I want is for you to be happy, the happiest you can be, and I know you’re doing this because it’s not healthy to rely on our relationship like you said before.
This is a huge step, and I’m beyond proud of you for putting yourself first. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. ”
My heart weeps at the possibility of being away from him, but I’d never jeopardise his health for my needs. He comes first, always.
My arm slips around his waist, and I pull him into me, desperately needing to feel his touch and not taking it for granted. I drag my hand through his hair and inhale his scent, soaking up as much as I can before we might part again.
“I want to be the best mate,” he says as he sniffles. “And right now, I don’t think I can be that with all this noise in my head and my urges to self-destruct. I don’t want that life for me anymore.”
“Do what you need to do,” I whisper in his ear. “I’ll be there for you every step of the way without fail.”
“You sacrificed so much for us to be together, and now I know I need to get better so we can truly live the happiest lives we can,” he murmurs into my neck. “I really want to live, Caleb, so I know I need to do this.”
My hand drags down his head, and I close my eyes. “I really want you to live too.”
He pulls back and gently rubs his hand over his clothed wrists.
I glance at the action and frown. “I want to look at the marks I’ve made on my wrists and see a survivor, not someone who isn’t worthy,” he chokes out.
“And that’s all I see, weakness and defeat.
I did this. It’s a reminder that I failed. How could I do that to myself?”
My eyes clench together tightly as I cup the back of his head. “Don’t you dare say you failed again. It’s a reminder you lived through those bad times, but you’ve come out the other end stronger, because you’re still here. Where you’re meant to be.”
Evan sniffles.
“You are a fighter, and I know deep inside your heart you know you’re one, too,” I whisper. “Because you wouldn’t be thinking about this step otherwise. That proves how brave you are.”
He wrinkles his nose as he presses his forehead into mine. “I’m so scared.”
“Don’t be scared, pups. You are going to get through this.”
“I missed—” his voice hitches, “you so much.”
I splay my hands against his back and kiss his cheek. “I missed you, too. More than you could imagine.”
“Are you going to be okay without me being here?” he asks.
My chest tightens at the thought of more time apart, but it’s for a good reason. “Yeah,” I murmur. “I’ll be okay. I know you need to do this, and I’d never take that from you.”
“Gemma shared with me some facilities local to here,” he says.
“I’ll pay for the best one. I don’t care how much it costs.”
Evan blinks. “Caleb, I–”
“No.” I shake my head. “It’s non-negotiable.”
“It might cost thousands.”
“I don’t care. Your health is priceless.”
His eyes flick between mine slowly, taking in my words. “I love you,” he rasps.
“I love you, too.”