Chapter 17
I'm not yours
The room is silent, but there’s a roaring in my head, a sound so loud I don’t think it will ever be silenced.
“What do you mean, extinct?” I shout. “How is that even possible?”
Mordecai ignores me stepping away from him and pulls me hard up against his chest.
“Breathe, little omega, just breathe. Feel my heartbeat and my arms. I’m here.”
I want to hit him, but as I struggle, he soothes my panic, and I find myself shaking and wrung out, but not on the verge of shrieks. I pull myself out of his arms and put space between us because I do not like that he has the ability to do that, at all.
“Tell me all of it!” I rasp out.
“The number of alphas and omegas in hiding is now so low that if the few thousand of us here in Foreen die, we’ll be hunted down and exterminated with no possibility of continuing on. Within five to ten years, we estimate…we will be gone.” Mordecai reaches for me again, but I stumble away from him.
“How…” I stop and take a moment to breathe. “How can you be sure?”
“We compared our data with data we stole from the Beta’s Path. The small pockets of communities out there are gone. They did a massive sweep to get everyone here. There’s no one left out there in the world, Keres. All those communities, they’re dead.”
“This can’t be true.” I think of all the places I’ve visited, the people who have helped me, the families living out in the middle of nowhere just existing. “No, how could they have done that?”
“It is true. It’s been systematic,” Mordecai says sadly.
I turn away from them, moving to the open window, staring out at the dark.
“Okay, so it’s over, then.”
“No!” Mordecai says loudly. “It’s not.”
“How can it not be, you just said—”
“I said if we fail here.”
“You’re going up against the Path? Here?” I let out a bitter laugh. “Then we’ll all die.”
Mordecai scowls at me. “You of all people—”
“Me of all people should what?” I snap, whirling back around and advancing on the alpha.
“Should want to fight them? Should want to risk putting myself in a position where I’m back in that pain again, locked in chains, branded, burned, raped, beaten, starved?
I should willingly throw myself into that? ”
“You should want to see them fall,” Mordecai says softly.
“Do you have anything to lose, Mordecai? Like truly lose? Someone you love more than life itself?”
He hesitates. That hurts, but I don’t look too deeply at why; I just shove it aside.
“Then you don’t understand how you could willingly walk into the citadel and give yourself into their hands. I was there for six months.”
His cheek twitches.
“Do not ever say to me that I, of all people.”
“They will die if you don’t fight, that is certain; at least if you fight, there’s a chance, though a slim one.”
I shake my head, backing away from him, but he grabs my wrist and holds me still.
“Just listen. Please.”
Everything in me wants to get as far away from these lunatics as I can, but extinct?
“The problem is that there are less and less alphas and omegas being born, and those that are, are killed quickly,” Legion says. “We’ve devised a plan, and we’re not here to bring about the Path’s downfall,” he says, snagging my attention.
“You’re not?”
“No, that’s not the primary objective. Our first goal is to save the alphas and omegas and get them out.”
I stare at him, and all I can see is honesty, but can I trust him and my instincts?
“How?”
“There’s an exit; we have a mysterious clue; we just need to find it,” Legion says. “We’re all in. You noticed, but we brought all our warriors, fighters, and intelligence here to get these people out.”
I stare at them. “This is a rescue mission?”
“Yes.”
Did that change things for me? Yes, of course, it did. Going up against the Beta’s Path would be foolhardy. But rescuing all these people out of this death trap, saving people and extending the timeline for the extinction rate?
I could help without compromising myself.
Jarek hums. “Is that why you allowed me to stay, dark one?”
Mordecai looks at Jarek and dips his head. Jarek’s face goes perfectly blank, but I catch a hint of bitterness in his scent.
My temper soars, snapping out, and the room gets thick and bitter. The alphas stiffen their shoulders; those who have not been travelling with me retreat a step, while the alphas I’ve been starting to get to know just wince.
Jarek reaches out, grabbing my hand and rubbing circles with his thumb on my palm.
“It’s okay, Keres.”
But it's not.
“I would have come just to stay with you a while longer,” he murmurs, and I fall into the fire in his eyes, the ruthless devotion he’s projecting.
The anger slips away as I stare, wondering how anyone even responds to such blatant flirting.
“So, how do you propose to do this?”
“Well, we know that the exit is in the left quadrant of the city, and we were going to search section by section. But Mordecai tells us Jarek’s mother escaped, which means we will be able to narrow it down and find it faster.
It’s like we were supposed to meet,” Legion says to Jarek with a wry grin.
“You’re all taking a lot of chances and putting a lot of lives in hope and wishful thinking,” I point out.
Mordecai reaches out, but I step away from him. I’m not willing to have him touch me. He undoes all my rational thoughts.
“Yes, we are. But we believe the payoff will be worth it,” Bear says confidently.
“How did you get everyone in here?” I snap at them. “I want the details now.”
“I’ve been here for two months,” Legion says with a shrug of his shoulders.
I stare at him with wide eyes. “You planted the Resistance in here before the Path even started organising the Culling Grounds?”
“Yes, we have food, weapons, medicine, we’ve mapped as much of the city as we can and set up safe houses all over the city in case one fails.”
“How?” It’s the only word that comes into my mind.
“Bit by bit. Little by little. A few brave volunteers followed by a few more.”
Mordecai gestures around us, taking over from Legion. “We have everything we need, but we are missing one thing.”
The room goes silent, staring at me. I have this urge to run and just keep running until my legs drop.
“This is where I come in, isn’t it?” I growl.
“Yes. We know how to survive this world, but none of us are skilled at evading the Path. You survived five years, Kaida. You have been in the citadel, you know what they can do. Kaida, you have survived and stayed ahead of them every time.”
“Except this one,” I point out acidly.
“What were you doing in Beta City, anyway?” Legion asks.
“It doesn’t matter,” I mutter. “So, what do you want from me?”
“We want you to teach our omegas and alphas how to evade the Path while we run.”
I stare at them, shocked into silence.
“Please—”
“There is no trick,” I say harshly. “You just run, you hide. Don’t be a hero, leave people behind, don’t look back, and prepare yourself to never be able to look at your reflection ever again. That’s how you survive. How did you think there was a method to it?”
“Because it’s been five years, and you’ve evaded the Claw, Fang, and the Warden himself.”
I stare up at Mordecai. “I’m not who you are hoping I am.” That realisation is crushing. He’s expecting a saviour, and I’m just a broken vessel with more self-loathing than he could imagine.
“I don’t believe that. I think you are so much more than I ever dreamed.”
“I can’t save you,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“You don’t need to save us, just give us a chance.”
I turn away from him, unable to face the hopeful look in his eyes. Cadel is staring at me thoughtfully, his head cocked to the side. He doesn’t look disappointed like Bear does. What is he thinking? Have I disgusted him?
“We need to think about this and have some time,” Cadel says in a deep, dark voice. His words come out like an order.
“We? I don’t remember you being involved,” Bear snaps, bristling.
Cadel stands up and lets out a growl. Everyone in the room, alpha and omega, curls their shoulders and ducks their head, but Jarek, Mordecai, and myself.
“Come, Omega,” Cadel says and holds out his hand.
I hesitate only a second before I place my hand on his, taking the escape. Lightning and smoke curls up my arm, and I’m lost in the feel of this alpha. His hand is massive and engulfs mine, and I cling to him, refusing to let go.
He walks us through the school, and I follow blindly, aware of Jarek, and, to my surprise, very conscious and hurt over the fact that Mordecai didn’t come with us.
“He never explained the omega.”
“He didn’t explain a lot, but what they did say needs some thought,” Cadel murmurs. “They are too excited, and they expect too much,” he says wrathfully.
Who is this alpha with his dark, smoky voice that feels like ice and promises.
Cadel finds a room that’s darker than the others. It’s reasonably clean and has a door that leans to a crumbling side of the building and outside. He’s set us up with an escape route, but why this makes my heart clench, I don’t know.
He pulls me down to the floor, while Jarek hands me a water bottle.
“I’m going to go get us some food. I’ll be back,” he purrs and winks at me.
I can barely look at him.
“What is this?” Cadel says when he’s gone. “Are you ashamed of surviving? For doing what you needed to do? For not dying with everyone else?”
His words slam into me, bringing the toxic feelings to the surface. I curl smaller, gasping. The screams are never far away. I close my eyes, squeezing the sob inside, refusing to let it out. I jerk my head in a sharp nod.
“Ah, do you know what I heard? A humble omega who has been through trials no other has endured, who is staying and listening, prepared to help but being realistic and logical. You are not at fault for the things others have done, and it’s not your fault for the things you have done to survive.”
“Perhaps I am a monster—”
Cadel laughs.
It’s the first time I’ve heard him really laugh, and it’s entrancing. His husky voice turns into a pleasant and contagious sound of such mirth that has me completely frozen beside him, watching out of the corner of my eye.
“You are the farthest thing from a monster, Keres.”
He falls silent, reaches out, and takes hold of my hand.
“Our thoughts are extreme in this place. We must use cool logic. I’ve thought, wondered, what if I am your enemy? What if I remember myself, and we’re standing on opposing sides? I could not bear it.”
“You’re an alpha, and you’re…” Mine. You’re mine. That’s what I was about to say.
“Yes, I keep telling myself that, but the fear that there is something hidden, something that needs to stay hidden, is urgently pressing at me, and I can’t imagine what it could be. Would you hate me if my secrets came out, and I was not what you thought I was?”
I think about it as truthfully as I can. “Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t imagine it, but I’ve thought that before, and it turns out the betrayal of someone you trust is worse than any other kind of betrayal.”
Jarek slips into the room and passes out three bowls of rice and beans. “It’s all they had at this time of the night, but it’s warm and tasty, or so the chef says.” Jarek sits down with a groan. “Home sweet home, huh? It could be worse. I’ve lived in much less welcoming accommodations.”
I pick at the food and then eat every single bite because you don’t waste food in this world.
The three of us are silent.
“What do you think of their plan?” I ask Jarek, watching him closely.
“It’s extremely desperate,” Jarek says. “But if it’s true what they are saying, and we’re bordering on extinction, then I guess it’s the only option other than letting them die.”
I acknowledge his comment with a nod of my head. “It just seems so hopeful. Like, they don’t know the location of the exit. A whole lot of things are blank and to be filled in later,” I say bitterly.
“Yes, that’s concerning, but they have emptied the citadel. Everyone is here. The Path are planning something.”
Fear seizes my spine. I turn, watching him, forgetting everything else.
“How do you know they emptied the citadel?” Cadel asks.
“Because I overheard them talking. Other than you guys, everyone else had been shipped over in the week prior. Hundreds of carts of people, day and night. Only the top-ranking were left, a skeleton crew, as it were. Even all the omegas and alphas were brought over.”
I turn so I can see him properly.
“Seriously?” I whisper. “Is this it? Are they planning on killing us all?”
“Yes. The citadel is empty, and it would seem so.”
My mind races. If anyone survived, they are here in this city, hiding, waiting for the killing to start. Someone might have made it, and I could help them, I could get them out, I could find out…
I close my eyes, smothering the hope.
“Let’s get some sleep. I want to hear the rest of what they have to say, but not while my head is this cluttered.”
I fall asleep and dream of the Beta’s Fang. He throws back his head and laughs as he slams the brand against my chest. I can smell my flesh burning, the searing pain that sinks down into me, obliterating every other thought.
I dream about the words he said after, when I was hanging limply from the wall, sweat covering my naked, trembling body.
“Now, you're mine forever. No one will touch you while you wear my mark.”
I wake up and crawl away from the alphas and vomit the food I’d eaten. My hand shakes as I reach up, covering the burning omega brand that sits between my breasts.
“I’m not. I’m not yours,” I whisper, but a deep fear wonders if I’m wrong.