Chapter 18
The gods are dead
I’m not in the mood to be around people. The Beta’s Fang destroyed my foundation of self. He took everything I valued, and bit by bit, he made me a shell. Just dreaming about him brings back all the fear and self-loathing that he taught me.
I can’t look people in the eye anymore because I’m afraid they will see the broken shards of me. If they saw all the contaminated broken parts, they would be horrified. How easily I had given in to him. How quickly I had begged.
I huddle into a tighter ball and rock, trying to push the memories back into the box they have broken free of.
Mordecai’s presence grows over time, his scent soothing me and helping to push back the horrors that have haunted me every day for five years.
I don’t even care how I appear, but my eyes burn when I look at him.
“Have you come to harass me more?”
“No, I want to tell you another part of the story that I haven’t told the others.”
He passes me a bottle of water and sits opposite me.
“I know you don’t trust me, Kaida, and, to be honest, I’ve given you no reason to. But I want you to understand why I've done and am doing the things that I do. There is no one else in the world I would explain myself to but you.”
I want to ask why, but the Fang’s words sit heavy in my heart, and I can’t.
“You expect so much from me, and you have no idea I’m just running for my life,” I say bitterly.
“Kaida, you only have to give as much as you can, and if it’s a word of encouragement, the people here would be grateful.
These people talk about you in their homes, whispering of you because you are incredible but also defiant.
You succeed where so many have failed. You are a symbol of hope. And hope is something we don’t have.”
When he reaches out and takes my hand in his, I don’t pull away.
“I grew up outside the city in a hidden little village called North Shore. The Beta’s Path seldom came to my home, and we generally had a warning when they were coming and were able to get into the forests and hide.”
I try to imagine living a life like that. I can’t.
“When I presented as alpha, my parents got scared, and they started training me in weapons and survival. But it was around that time I had the first dream.”
“Dream?”
“Yeah, I know this may sound crazy, but just hear me out, okay?”
I hesitate, but in the end, I incline my head. “I’ll listen.”
“The first dream was a dream of a woman. I couldn’t see her face, but I was standing behind her, and she was looking out at the sea.
I remember being confused about why the ocean looked so strange, and then when I looked up, I saw a sky full of stars and a huge crescent moon.
It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. ”
“What was it like?”
“There were so many stars, Kaida, more than I could ever count, and the moon made the world glow.”
“It sounds amazing,” I murmur.
“In my dream, we stood there looking at the stars until the sun rose. When I saw the sun for the first time and a dawn, I was stunned by the colours. Oranges, pinks, the yellow of a sun too bright to look at. And the bluest sky.”
I try to imagine it, but I can’t. The sky has been grey forever. Blue is not a colour I associate it with.
“The next night, she called me by name. Night after night, she returned, showing me a world that I had never seen. Until the seventh night, when she sat down and asked me to sit with her. She said she needed me to do something when I was older. Something that was so important it would change the world, and maybe if we succeed, everyone can see the world like this.”
“Did you agree?”
“Not at first. How could I? It was a dream. I would have looked crazy, and things at home were hard. Food was getting scarce, and there were rumours that the Path was pushing out towards us.”
“It must have been really confusing,” I say and bite my tongue, frustrated that I’m getting sucked into his story.
“It was really confusing and a little bit frightening. She had a power and urgency that made it all feel real. And then one night, things got bad. She was there, but she wasn’t. This person said I needed to get all the children and go into the forest. I needed to hide them and protect them.”
I stare at him, absolutely mesmerised. He tilts his head back, closing his eyes as if he’s fallen into the memory.
“I listened to her; I don’t know why. There was this feeling I couldn’t dislodge, and I just thought, just this once I’ll listen.
I think it was partly because she was so scared.
I gathered the children, and I tried to get my parents to come, but they refused.
My parents said they had met the woman in my dreams and that this was the only way for us to be safe. ”
He laughs bitterly.
“I thought they meant all of us. So, I took the children, and we hid in the caves. In the morning when we went back…”
He stops, breathing hard, and I crawl over so I’m sitting beside him, bracing myself for rejection. I reach out and gingerly take his hand, threading my fingers through his.
“It was black and still smoking. Everything and everyone was gone. There wasn’t a scrap of cloth that had survived. Nothing. That was when I found my sister. I didn’t know she’d escaped the caves while we were sleeping or come after them. They’d run her down with their wagons.”
The raw pain in his voice isn’t feigned. I squeeze his fingers, unable to look away.
“This woman from my dreams came to me again and again. I was so angry with her. I railed and ignored her. She just stood silently, letting me. I screamed at her for days, in every dream. And then one day, I just sat there and cried, and she sat there with me, and she told me that she needed me to save the world. She said she was sorry for my loss but that I would find someone I loved more than anyone in this world, someone who needed me as much as any of these people.”
I sit back but don’t let go of his hand.
“This woman said the first thing I needed to do was go to this particular town. In this town, I found a place for all of us. Bear was the leader of the local alphas, and he took us in without any hesitation. I was finally ready to listen to her.”
“How long did it take?”
“Three years,” he says. “She told me the most outrageous and far-fetched story, and I wanted not to believe her, but she showed me proof over and over. Until, in the end, I agreed, and I ended up here.”
I stare at him. “What did she tell you?”
“She told me that, years ago, some of the gods gathered in secret to discuss the uneasy whispers and premonitions they’d been having.
They talked at length and came up with a plan, but this plan was going to rely on the strength of hearts, the wisdom of minds, and the ability to have faith.
She said these gods are with us and that we all have to fight together to save each other. ”
He turns so we’re facing each other and leans forward until he can take both my hands.
“The gods chose to fall to Earth, hiding in the bodies of humans. They would lose access to their godlike powers, and they would no longer be immortal, but while they were here, their actions, their specific tasks would turn the tide and save alphas and omegas.”
“Turn the tide?” I whisper, my ears ringing.
Mordecai nods. “Yes, turn the tide. Taryn is one of those fallen goddesses.”
I think about her delicate beauty, and I’m not surprised. A twang in my chest leaves me with bitter jealousy before I can push it aside. “Okay. She is a vital part of this entire scheme? How?”
He leans back and growls. “Exactly. I’m not allowed to know how someone is important, only that they are.”
“Who are the others?”
“Bear is important; I needed to stay and protect him. Legion I went and found and brought back when he was injured after an attack. He was half-dead. I was told to look for a flame-haired alpha and that I could trust him with everything.”
Both of us look towards Jarek. Can we trust him? My heart says yes.
“You really think this is true?”
“Yes, the voice has kept us safe and saved us too many times for me to believe otherwise.”
“But who is she?”
“I have no idea.”
“Does she still speak to you?”
Mordecai hesitates. “No, she disappeared four years ago. But I remember everything she said.”
I free one of my hands and rub my temple. “It is hard to believe.”
“I know. But Taryn is important to this mission. I don’t know why, but I don’t want them to fail. I want everyone to see that blue sky and those stars. Oh, Kaida, I would love to see the sunset with you.”
I have no words. His story is crazy, but he believes it, and something in me tells me to trust him.
“So, what do you have to do here? Do you have any more missions?”
He shakes his head. “Just stay with the flame-haired alpha.”
“And keep Taryn alive?”
“Yes.”
I cock my head to the side and study him intently, trying to figure him out. I can see the passion, the blaze of fire in his eyes. He believes in this; he wants it, and not for himself but for the people he cares about.
“I’ve also been having these dreams.”
I lift my head, alarmed by the caution in his tone.
“More dreams? Is someone talking to you in these ones?”
“No. In these dreams, I’m running around the streets of Foreen, but there’s people everywhere, and the Ravage Virus is wiping everyone out. I dream there’s someone I have to get home to. Someone who needs me.”
He runs a hand through his long hair, messing it up.
“In these dreams, I don’t make it home; I die on the way. But, Kaida…I recognise these streets. I know where I am. This city that I have never stepped foot in before is as familiar to me as if I’ve lived here for twenty years.”
I stare at him, unsure what to make of it.
“So, are you thinking reincarnation?” I ask in a high, disbelieving voice.
“I don’t know? I don’t know how else to explain what’s happening.”
There’s a sound, like a choking sound, and when I turn, I find Jarek and Cadel awake and watching us.
“Are you having dreams?” I ask them abruptly.
Cadel shakes his head. “I don’t dream.”
Jarek looks like he’s seen a ghost; his face has gone white, and he shakes his head but too fast.
“Jarek,” I probe.
“I don’t remember all of it, just fragments, and they are torn away from me as soon as I wake up.
They are awful; I don’t want them. I don’t remember the details, but the feeling?
Mordecai is right; this place is familiar.
I know what’s ahead before we get there, and I keep seeing flashes of things superimposed over the world around me.
” Jarek laughs. “I thought I was going crazy.”
I look between the two of them. “Dreams of Foreen before the fall of civilisation? That was seven hundred years ago,” I scoff, but a shiver of unease crawls up my spine.
“I know,” Jarek says. “Which is why I’ve tried to ignore it. But it’s weird and so strong, and I feel desperate, like I’m trying to save someone and—”
He cuts himself off, confused and pale.
“And what?”
“I die, too. I remember that much. Someone I love is helpless, and I die.” His eyes lift to me, and I think I see clarity and understanding in them before he looks away, hiding whatever he thinks he knows.
“This is insane,” I whisper and stand up, not wanting to admit that I’ve been seeing the same or similar flashes. “Maybe there are drugs in the air.”
“There’s not. The gods are walking with us in this timeline. We’re heading towards a major tipping point. Either we win and survive or we fall, and I think so will the alpha and beta gods. We will all fall together, and this time, we won’t be coming back.”
Cadel is listening with an arm thrown over his face, but, at that, he opens his eyes and scowls, they are dark and furious. The brown is red again.
How do his eyes keep changing colour?
“The gods are dead,” he snarls.
Then he gets up and walks out, leaving us confused and alone.