Chapter 24 #2
He shoves harder, and, with another growl, he knots me. My eyes go wide as I let out a breathless scream, my back arching up as my release slams into me. Over and over, the waves of pleasure throw me into a loop that doesn’t seem to end. When I finally come back, I find myself staring up at him.
His eyes are dark, his face in shadow. A fissure of fear opens up. The last time I was knotted was—
“Kaida Keres,” Cadel whispers in a command I can’t ignore.
“Can you feel me inside you?”
“Clearly,” I say with a touch of panic.
“No, here,” he says and touches the spot over my heart. “When an alpha knots an omega, it is supposed to be sacred. I have given you myself. I will protect you, care for you, love you. Even if you cannot see me, I will always be with you.”
His words are familiar.
I reach up and cup his cheek, needing the contact, staring into his eyes, repeating his words over and over until the panic eases and lets go.
“I am yours.” Words that are and aren’t mine slip off my tongue. His face crumples with pain, but then he’s leaning down and kissing me so hard I can’t remember my own name.
It’s not as strong as a bond, but it’s a thread. A connection, and that connection is a light that illuminates all the darkness in my soul, chasing away the nightmares and the memories.
He rolls so I’m lying on his chest, and in the light, I look up and see someone else completely. Someone unbearably beautiful with blue shimmers on his skin and deep red whorls.
“Rest Omega, I won’t let anything hurt you tonight,” he murmurs, stroking soothing circles across my back.
I lie on him until I’m able to lift off his knot, then I quietly get dressed and sit on the stone beside him. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but it’s not as easy as it was when we were naked. I almost wish I hadn’t got dressed.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“Which part, what happened before or what just happened?”
He sits up and leans close. I stiffen and instantly regret it. He must sense the distance in me because he gets up and goes and gets dressed. I am such an idiot. I ruin everything.
“Any of it? What triggered it? Who am I killing?”
What? My mouth works, but I don’t have words. I sit silently for a long moment. My head is spinning. I don’t want to unpack what we just did. I want to leave it in the realm of a dream moment between wake and sleep.
“When I walked into the citadel, they gave me to the Beta’s Fang.
No one else was allowed to touch me unless he allowed them to.
He would do…” I scrunch up my face, clenching my hands in my lap, “horrible things. Make alphas have sex with me and kill them while we were knotted. Cut me open to see what was inside me. Kill people if I failed to please him. He liked to hurt people,” I trail off, aware my tone is like I’m made of stone.
Cadel sits beside me in silence. He doesn’t offer me words of wisdom or tell me how amazing it is that I survived. He just listens, and, in a way, it makes it easier to speak.
“The cell was dark, only a handful of steps in both directions, and he kept me in the dark.” I huff a bitter laugh.
“The only time I saw the light was when he came. The first time I got outside, the light was so bright it was painful. I remember hiding in the crowd, stealing clothes. A wagon was heading out of town, I hid in the back and jumped out when I was in the wilds. They searched for me for weeks, but I learned how to survive.” I look at my hands.
“I did survive. But that kind of cruelty, it ruins you. You can’t look at people the same. I don’t trust my instincts anymore.”
I stand up, unable to bear the silence. I turn to him and throw out a hand. “Look Alpha. I’m broken. Damaged. I see monsters everywhere.”
“You were hurt. You need time and a safe place to heal. And protecting yourself isn’t a bad thing,” Jarek growls, stomping into the room and shoving my arm down.
“Jarek,” I say faintly, my cheeks burning.
He huffs and grabs my face between both his hands. Cadel doesn’t even move.
“Do you see a monster in me?”
I stare at him, my eyes getting bigger and bigger.
Mordecai stands in the dark watching; I can just make out his shape.
“No, I don’t see a monster in you.”
Jarek growls and hugs me hard.
“So, why would you think you can’t trust yourself?”
The words sit on my tongue, but when I open my mouth to say something, anything, only a jumbled mess comes out. Jarek leans down until his face is level with mine.
“You don’t have to be anything but you, Omega.”
The sincerity, the honesty, and softness of his eyes melts around the knot of confusion and fear, and finally, the alpha scent reaches in and starts soothing the frayed edges.
Jarek smiles widely and winks before he lets go and jumps up on the slab of stone, staring up at the light that’s shining down.
“I want to dance in the moonlight,” Jarek says. “I’ve dreamed about it.” He turns back. “With you. One day. But tonight, I’ll settle for the giant grump instead.”
He jumps across the room and pulls Mordecai into a dance that has the two of them pressed against each other. Cadel pulls me between his legs and holds onto my thigh.
I close my eyes, running my fingers through his hair, and let exhaustion wash over me.
Despite everything, I’ve never felt safer or more at home than I am when I’m with these alphas.
It’s terrifying.