Chapter 45
I want to be me
I move around the space, dodging the wet cloth that the alpha who smells like candles and roses keeps trying to rub across my skin. I pace the space and pace back again, a keening cry slipping out.
“Omega,” he coaxes.
I shake my head and snarl at him and throw myself at the wall. I bounce off it and throw myself at the other one.
“What’s wrong with her?”
The words don’t mean anything to me. Everything is wrong. This cold, hard concrete all feels wrong.
“Kaida! Kaida!” A hand grabs me, but I lash out, shoving the alpha back, snarling viciously.
He backs off, they all do, but it’s too small, it’s not enough.
I let out another whine and pull my hair.
“Nesting,” one says.
I throw myself at the walls; my feet are cold on the concrete floor. There is nothing warm about this hole. Nothing nice.
I pant and move faster until I slip, pressed up against the door, my naked body cold and hot at the same time.
It hurts. I shudder and hit the door, slamming my fist against it.
I pull back to hit it a second time, and there’s an alpha who smells like steel and leather and mine holding my wrist in a grip I can’t escape from.
“Stop,” he growls.
My core clenches, slick running down my legs, and I shift restlessly from foot to foot. I need more; I need something. I see all the grey, hard rock and let out a sob.
It’s wrong.
All wrong.
I twist and pull, attacking the alpha holding me. I wait for his blows to fall, but he never hits me, he doesn’t stop me, he just keeps hold of one of my wrists and stops me from getting more than two feet from him.
“Please!” I hiss and toss back my hair. “Get off me. Let me go!”
Hands grab my hips from behind, dragging my ass up against something hard that throbs as it slips between my ass cheeks.
I reach down for the hand holding me, squeezing hard enough to hurt, but he doesn’t make a sound.
“I will give you a nest one day, Omega. A nest with all the fluffy material you could want. One wherever you want. I will put candles in it, anything you could desire wanting to eat, you will have the biggest, softest bed.”
I slump forward, breathing hard, a high keening spilling from my throat.
“I’m sorry, Kaida. It’s not fair, and I’m sorry it has to be like this. But we can do something about the pain. We can help you with it.” He puts his forehead to my back and touches his lips to the spot between my shoulder blades. “You deserve the moon,” he whispers. “I’m sorry.”
My stomach clenches, but I barely notice the pain. All I can do is stand there, every muscle rigid, my panting cries loud in the small space.
“It’s been a day; if we don’t find a way to reach her soon, I don’t think she’ll come out of this safely,” Mordecai says. “I’ve seen it happen before. It does something to their minds. It's one of the techniques the Path use to ruin them.”
I shudder as a hot tongue traces a wobbly line across my shoulders.
Clarity returns for a moment, but I feel far away. So far away.
“Fuck me,” I grit out. “Knot me. Even if I fight you. Keep me safe, Alphas. Don't let them break my mind. I want to be me. Don’t let them take that from me.”
“Kaida, what you’re asking us to do—”
“I know,” I hiss out. “Hold me down and fuck me, make it feel good. Know that I will want it and you even if I fight. Please, please. I’m breaking,” I hiss. “I give you permission and my very willing approval and consent. Take what I can’t give you. Protect me from my designation.”
The heat spears through me, and I let out a wailing sob. Clarity disappears like a curtain has been pulled, and now all I can think about is my itching skin and the grey, cold nest.
I try to move, but the alpha’s arms clamp around me, pulling me back. His mouth finds my shoulder, and he mouths it, dragging his teeth over the spot. I shove my elbow back, snarling, but it doesn’t stop him.
His hands come up and grip my breasts, squeezing and releasing. It feels so good, but I’m on fire. I twist in his arms, clawing at his hands, trying to pry them off me.
A vicious snarl emanates from my throat. I kick back, but, with one quick move, he grabs my thigh, holding it out and high, stretching me open and holding me in a way that stops me from being able to move at all.
“I hate you!” I shout.
“It’s okay. I love you,” he says back.
Flames lick my skin. Everywhere he touches, I can feel the heat. He stirs my blood. I stop seeing grey walls and start seeing flames. He reaches between us, and I feel him grab his cock.
He’s going to fuck me. I don’t fight. My eyes track his movements. I tense, determined to attack the moment he’s weak. I’ll bide my time and then-
He’ll be dead. A blade coming out of nowhere, knotted to a dead alpha.
I shriek.
A mouth covers mine, smothering the sound. They grip my wrists in big hands and hold me tight. Now, I can’t move at all; all I can do is wait. He pushes into me slowly, filling me up, stretching me open. I sob into the mouth over mine then bite his lip.
Blood spills over my tongue, bringing a cold ice that floods into me, cooling me from the inside out. I see snow falling all around us while embers flicker.
Where am I?
The alpha grips my hips, his fingers biting in as he lifts me up, shoving me against the alpha in front of me. Their scents confuse me.
I stop fighting, lost in the feel of them.
“Good, Omega,” he rasps. “You’re taking me so well. You like this, don’t you?”
I don’t answer him, but I lick the lip of the alpha I bit. He lets go of my hands and grips my thighs, holding me up and open.
Fire runs down my spine in the form of open-mouthed kisses that leave me gasping. He slowly pulls out, and I cry out a protest.
“More!” I demand.
He slams into me, his balls and thighs slapping against me. He grabs my hair and yanks it to the side, pulling me away from the alpha. I look up, and I don’t recognise him, but he feels like mine.
I let out a warning growl, but the alpha buried inside me snarls back and rocks slowly in and out of me.
“You’re going to take it, Omega. Again and again. It’s going to make you feel better.”
I inhale, waiting to smell the horrible scent of death that always comes, but there’s nothing but the overwhelming, intoxicating scents of these alphas.
“So wet, it’s dripping down your thighs, Omega. I just slide right in,” he hisses and bites my shoulder.
I still, clenching his cock, milking it.
He shudders and growls again, and I let out a pleased sound.
“More!” I demand.
“Bossy little omega,” he growls and shoves into me so hard I can feel him leave bruises.
“MORE!” I shout.
He pulls out of me and drags me down to the ground, putting me on all fours. I try to collapse, but he grips my hips, yanking me up, and slaps my ass hard.
“Stay!” he snarls.
The alpha in front of me smells like mine, and he’s on his knees. “Don’t bite,” he commands in an alpha bark.
I peer up at him, and then he’s got my jaw in his hand and is squeezing. When I’m forced to open my mouth, he grips his cock and feeds it in. I try to spit it out, furious, but that only makes him more determined.
His groan is something I feel all the way to my toes.
“Suck, Omega.”
I pause, unable to fight his command. I suck, and my mind melts a little. The alpha is back inside of me, slowly pumping, his hands massaging my ass cheeks, but I’m just sucking on the cock of this alpha blissfully. The taste and feel of him in me is leaving this curious warmth in my chest.
He spears his large fingers through my hair.
“You feel so good, Omega. So good.”
I blink and remember who I am. Cadel. I peer up at him, and he reaches down, brushing a tear from my cheek. When he tries to pull away, I wrap an arm around his waist and hold him to me.
His expression shifts to surprise.
Jarek is balls deep in me. I'd know the scent and feel of him anywhere.
Save me, I whisper in my mind.
The grey concrete takes on a blood-red hue, but then I let out a squeak when Jarek inserts his finger into my ass.
“You fucking stay with me,” he snarls. “Don’t you leave until I tell you that you can.”
I whine around the cock I’m sucking on and shove back, chasing the alpha as he pulls away. When he slams forward, I’m thrust onto the cock in my mouth, and he goes right down into my throat.
The resulting groan has me clenching helplessly, wriggling and writhing in pure pleasure. My alpha is pleased.
The omega in me preens.
The alpha behind me curses and speeds up, his hand slips under me, finding my clit and stroking it. The sudden lightning pleasure has me clenching as he drives up into me.
“Fuck!” Cadel hisses and grabs my head and starts thrusting, fast and erratically.
Yes, I want this.
With two more strokes of those broad fingers, the tension in my body shatters, spinning me out. I scream on the cock. He spits out a curse and pulls out, but I tighten my arm, holding him still, and take that thick, veiny cock back into my mouth.
His release is mine.
There’s a burning pressure, a gushing of slick, and then a feeling that I’m being torn in two. I keep sucking, holding on to the alpha, even though my arm trembles, even though I can barely think.
Pleasure comes in waves of coiling spirals that catch me unaware. I hold on, and then my mouth is filling with cum. I swallow hard, over and over. Wild and dark, icy cold. I see snow-white forests and dark nights with glowing snow.
His cock grows in my mouth, but I refuse to let go, holding on as he stretches me impossibly wide.
“Fuck!” the alpha behind me says.
He rocks his knot, his fingers biting into me.
“Let go.”
I feel them exchange something between them, and then I’m thrust up against the alpha’s knot.
“Omega, let go,” he snaps. “You will not hurt yourself.”
I let out a deep whine as Cadel draws back, but as soon as I’m free, the alpha behind me pushes a hand on my shoulder blades, pushing me to the cold ground, and he rocks his knot, dragging it the tiniest amount, but sending me into quakes of lightning pleasure.
He does it for so long I end up just lying there boneless, his sweat dripping down on me. My whimpers fill the room, and then he surges forward, deeper than ever, and fills me up.
I’m aware but not when he drops onto me like a living blanket, nuzzling at my neck. Instinct flashes through me, and I grab his wrist and bite hard.
He shouts, but his instincts are driving him, too, and he leans down, biting my shoulder.
While I’m lying there, I feel the tether made out of flames that smell like candles and roses. It’s stronger than anything I’ve ever felt, but it’s coming from inside me.
“Jarek?” I whisper.
“I’m here, baby, I’m here.”
I don’t say anything else, just hold on to him, and when the feelings start rising again, a massive alpha who smells like leather and steel and has me shivering rolls me onto my back and buries himself in me.
He doesn’t give me a moment, just drives me up into another frenzy, and when I look for concrete walls, all I see is dark forests. A place to run, to play.
“Stay with me,” he whispers and leans down and bites the curve of my breast. I bite him back, I know I do; I can taste him on my tongue.
But even though I fight it, I fall back into the haze, the panic pushing in at the edges, and I hope that these alphas will be here to catch me.