17. Rami #2
The realisation hit me so hard I gasped. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to force the inconvenient truth from my mind. But there was no escaping it. No escaping the knowledge that I would’ve been the one they reached out to. Me. I would’ve been their first call.
If that had happened, I would’ve met Ethan months earlier. Possibly before he’d been through the trauma of chemo and everything else he’d undergone. He wouldn’t have had to live with the knowledge that he was dying as long as he had.
Because I would’ve healed him instantly.
Fate was a cruel mistress. Or master. If I ever met them, I’d have a few choice words to say, none of them polite.
“Rami? What’s wrong?”
I had to swallow a couple of times before I could get the words out. “Nothing. Sorry. Stubbed my toe.”
“You are a bit big for this tub,” Ethan teased. “I barely fit in here with your giant frame.”
“Want me to give you some space?”
“No.” Ethan’s hand clamped down on my knee. He blushed but didn’t look away as he spoke. “I like you right here.”
Now I was finding it difficult to speak for an entirely different reason. One tied to what lay not far from where Ethan’s hand rested. “Then I’m not going anywhere.”
“I see your point,” Ethan said, steering the conversation back on course. “But I wasn’t about to be that person. I do miss them, all of them. What I did was shitty, and in a way, I’m not ready to face them yet, because it’ll mean facing what I did.”
“What you did meaning following what you thought were your heart and dreams? I don’t think any of them will hate you for that.”
“No, but they might hate how much I hid.” Ethan sighed. “And how easily I let our friendship die. I hate that, so why wouldn’t they?”
I couldn’t imagine a world where anyone hated this man, let alone anyone as sweet as Matty, Lucky, and Riley. But if he wasn’t ready to face them yet, I’d do everything in my power to make sure their paths didn’t cross.
When he was ready? I’d be right there beside him.
“I’m sure they’ll forgive you.”
Ethan wiggled down until his head rested against the ledge. He leaned it against my shoulder, and I swear, it was as though someone had set off fireworks under my skin.
“Maybe. The bigger question is, what do I do now?”
“How d’you mean?”
“Well, I’m not only single, I’m homeless.
The rental is in Dave’s name, for obvious reasons.
” I winced, glad he couldn’t see my face.
I hated the thoughts and plans Ethan had had to make for a future he thought he wouldn’t be around for.
“Even if it wasn’t, I can’t go back there.
All I’d be able to see is Dave fucking that twink.
He didn’t even have a good reason. Well, he did.
Knowing I was going to die meant he decided to move on before I was in the ground.
Guess I threw a spanner in the works by getting better. ”
I closed my eyes briefly until I was sure I had myself under control. “Absolute fucker. Was he even sorry?”
“Not really,” Ethan muttered. “He apologised, obviously. But he wasn’t sorry for doing it, just for getting caught.”
“Why didn’t he just break up with you?”
Ethan sighed. “I guess for the same reason I hadn’t broken up with him. I think, deep down, we both knew the relationship was over. With everything that’s happened, I suppose we just…hadn’t got around to it.”
“Doesn’t excuse him moving on first. Especially because he thought you were going to die.” Dave had better hope our paths never crossed. “How did he meet this new bloke anyway?”
“Through work. Evidently, it’s been going on for weeks. He even looked like me,” Ethan said gloomily, swatting the water with his hand. “A cuter, younger, fitter version of me.”
“What?”
He shot me an eye-roll. “I know, it’s hard to imagine, but he exists. In my bed, apparently. Well, up against the wall.”
I was so busy trying to process what he’d just told me that I didn’t register what he’d said properly. “What?”
Ethan huffed. “It’s a stupid detail to get hung up on, given the whole betrayal et cetera.
But damnit, why couldn’t Dave ever fuck me against the wall?
He was such a lazy fucker in bed. Always wanted me to ride him.
Most he would ever do is missionary, and half the time, he’d roll off the second he was done.
Didn’t seem to matter whether I was or not.
” He clapped a hand over his mouth and cringed.
“Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to say all that. ”
I, for one, was glad he had, if for no other reason than because it let me know exactly how to please him.
I’d been called many things in the past; a lazy lover wasn’t one of them.
I’d been able to tempt plenty of single men into my bed.
Never anything more, mind you. None of them had wanted to stay, and I hadn’t wanted to pursue them.
That urge had only been for men out of my reach.
“You can tell me anything, Ethan. You won’t get any judgement from me. Not about you, anyway.”
Dave, however…
He lowered his hand to shoot me a relieved smile. “Thanks. I got lucky the day Sam stumbled across my website.”
Ethan was far from lucky. Luck would’ve had me in his life long before he’d known any suffering. “I’d argue that I’m the lucky one.”
His foot brushed my calf again and the coil of heat at the base of my spine tightened.
“You’re the one in a hot tub with a bloke who’s been replaced by a younger, hotter version of himself. A bloke who’s probably shit in bed. Maybe that’s why Dave never fucked me against a wall. Or in a hot tub. Or anywhere interesting.”
All my instincts were screaming at me what to do next, but I hesitated. “You know, there’s not a single part of that statement I agree with.”
“I can assure you that Dave definitely never fucked me anywhere other than a bed.”
God, what I wouldn’t give to never hear Dave’s name in a sentence about him sleeping with my mate again. Fucker hadn’t even had the decency to make sure Ethan had a good time. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
“I know.” Ethan’s head lolled to the side. “I was attempting to lighten the mood.”
Giving in to temptation, I skimmed one finger up Ethan’s thigh. I stopped at the edge of soaked cotton, raising a brow at him. “What if I didn’t want to lighten it?”
He sucked in a breath as his pupils dilated. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, maybe I can prove to you that there’s no one I find hotter than you.” I grinned lazily, trying not to show how fast my heart was racing. “And I can definitely do it in more interesting places than a bed.”