14. Back In Town
Chapter fourteen
Back In Town
Maggie
After that first visit with Mom, I sent a message to Brenda that she could text me if she needed anything, but I would need at least the two weeks she offered.
She let me know that they wouldn’t need anything, which was fine with me.
I preferred to focus my time and energy on Mom.
I also texted Uncle Isaac to let them know I made it here safely.
He offered their support and to come anytime I needed them.
What Mom had said about Paul rolled around in my head, but I couldn’t justify it with the way he acted. He could have kissed me even if he planned to let me leave for Chicago without him. It made more sense to me that his feelings for me weren’t as strong as mine were for him.
After three days, the hospital discharged Mom with a referral for hospice care. They had given up on healing her, which I didn’t like, but she wanted to go home. Instead of fighting her, I supported her.
The last morning, I checked out of Lousia’s Bed & Breakfast, and spent the drive back to their house worrying about going back to Buena Vista.
While I would be excited to see Suzie in person again, there was always the danger of running into Paul or dealing with town drama.
I was here to be close to Mom and spend all the time with her that I could.
There couldn’t be anything to distract me from that.
When we arrived at the house, Father had a ramp out front for a wheelchair.
The good news was that enough of the house had been modified already so he could wheel Mom to the screened porch out back.
I helped lock the wheels to keep it in place while he gently lifted her into a hospital bed.
I turned away when he leaned down to whisper to her, trying to give them some privacy.
When Father stood up, he held Mom’s hand. “She loves the light out here. I couldn’t deny her that.”
I nodded, trying to smile. “Of course. It’s beautiful out here.”
“I have some work to do. I’ll let you two have some time,” Father said, retreating to his study.
“Come sit for a while,” Mom said to me.
Moving the wheelchair aside, I pulled a nearby chair next to her bed.
“Would you read to me for a bit?” she asked. “I’m too tired to keep my eyes open.”
At her bedside table was a romance novel. I thought it was strange, and not her usual fare, but when I lifted it in question, she nodded. So, I started at the beginning and read to her.
I loved the simplicity of being together, reading to her so I didn’t have to find poignant things to say.
When time was against us, it felt like every word was precious or should have some sort of special meaning.
Since I had no idea what to say, reading was a comfortable way to spend time together without all that pressure.
After a few chapters, Mom reached out her hand to me. “What do you think of the book so far?”
It was a story was about a man in love with a woman who was too afraid to tell her.
They had a few chances to have the conversation, discuss their feelings, but neither of them would speak plainly.
They felt like the timing was wrong or the other didn’t feel the same.
Where we ended, the man had an opportunity to work out of town.
Since they hadn’t disclosed their feelings yet, he thought about taking the job.
I took her hand, closing the book. “It’s a little sad, really. They should just talk to each other.”
“The message of missed opportunities and not saying what needs to be said feels a little close to home, don’t you think?” she asked, her eyes opening for a moment before closing again. “What do you think she should say to him before he leaves?”
I bit my lower lip. “It’s a great opportunity for him. Anything she says about how she feels will make him feel like he should stay with her and miss it. I guess she shouldn’t say anything at all but to wish him well.”
She huffed. “Strange how you can see that the other way around.”
My eyes wrinkled. “Are you upset with me?”
She turned. “Upset? No, more like frustrated. How can you see their situation so clearly and not your own? Why can’t you see that this is was what Paul was doing when you went to Chicago?”
Her tone startled me. “It was different for us. He didn’t want me in his life anymore. Since he never wrote to me or communicated with me at all since then, we said goodbye for good after graduation.”
“You kids always think everything is permanent. The truth is that everything changes. Perspectives change. People change. People realize their life is shit without the person they love,” she continued.
I startled at the curse she threw in there. Mom never cursed.
Opening my mouth, I tried to speak but nothing came out.
“The point is,” she continued, “you can’t believe that the mind of an eighteen-year-old boy letting his best friend go off to the city is the same mind of the man who’s grown taller and filled out to the size of a lumberjack.
Your Paul has grown up. I hope you have, too, Maggie, so you’re able to forgive him for doing what he thought was best for you.
Especially since I happen to agree with him. ”
My tongue darted out to wet my lips that were dry at the thought of that description of Paul. He was handsome before, but if what she said is true, he’s even more so now. “I’ll be open to an explanation of why he did what he did back then, but he hurt me, Mom. Losing him when I left …”
“Was partially your fault for shoving him away from you so hard,” she interrupted. “Did you really ask him to go to Chicago with you?”
I lowered my eyes. “You heard about that?”
“Yes,” she confirmed. “That you could do that when you knew he couldn’t leave was cruel. I think apologies would be beneficial on both sides.”
Taking a second to think about it, I realized how true that was.
It was the mixed messages from him prior to graduation and my frustration from being rejected by him so many times that made me ask him to come with me and then lash out at him for refusing me again.
However, the woman I am now is more mature and self-sufficient.
If I ran into Paul, I wouldn’t leave him on the hook for what happened.
In hindsight, I’d been selfish to ask him to come with me.
“You’re right,” I said, setting the book aside to take her hand. “Now, should I let you get some rest?”
With a yawn, she nodded. “Stay with me until I fall asleep, would you?”
“Of course,” I said with a fading smile. She looked so weak, so tired. The drive from the hospital wore her out, but she tried to stay awake to be with me.
Knowing how much energy it took for her to say all those things about Paul, I thought carefully about everything she’d said.
It was true that Paul and I had grown up a lot in the last seven years.
Maybe it was time to leave the bad feelings about how we parted in the past. Life was too short to hold grudges.
From spending time with Mom at the hospital, I knew after she fell asleep that she would sleep for another few hours. After staying with her a half an hour after she went to sleep, I went to see Father in his study.
“She’s resting now. I’ll use the time to get a room at the town hotel and get something to eat. You still have my number, right?” He confirmed with a nod of his head. “Good, so would you call or text me if anything changes?”
Grumbling about me being here all afternoon, he shooed me away.
“I’ll go, but please call if she asks for me or if she needs anything. I took time off work to be here, and I want to be part of the time she has left. I’ll give you time for just the two of you, too, but please don’t keep me from seeing her.”
“Fine,” he conceded, his expression softening. “Come back after dinner, around six. You can have an hour then. We’ll work out a schedule so we both have private time with her.”
While it felt like a small victory, I barely made it to the rental car before I fell apart.
I kept remembering what she said about things feeling permanent.
Life wasn’t even permanent. Seeing what was happening to Mom, I could only wish things could be everlasting so she’d always be here with me, but every moment, it felt like she was slipping further away.
Taking some deep breaths, I pushed the tears aside and drove over to the Litchfield Inn. Thankfully, Finn, an old friend from high school, worked at the front desk.
“Hey, you’re back,” Finn said with a wide grin. “It’s been a long time. Good to see you.”
It seemed like a polite thing for a person to say, but from the sparkle in his eyes, he meant it.
“Nice to see you, too. I’m going to be staying in town for a while, a week at least, maybe more. Do you have a room for me?” I asked, flashing him a wide smile.
Giving a nervous laugh, Finn checked his bookings and found he had plenty of space for as long as I needed it. He promised he was giving me his best room, then handed me the key card.
It wasn’t the swankiest hotel I’d ever been in, but it was clean, cozy, and had enough comforts of home.
After changing into a pair of capris, a two-layered black and a white tank top, and tennis shoes, I decided to take a walk and clear my head.
Since I might run into people I knew in town, I dabbed on a little pink lip gloss, some tinted moisturizer, and a swipe of mascara for some extra courage.
After I gently brushed my long, wavy locks, my stomach growled.
It was time to show my face in Buena Vista.
Within a block, I smelled the baked goods, making my stomach rumble again. Maybe I’d get a slice of Minnie’s world-famous pie á la mode at the Steeplegate Diner.
As I walked the dusty roads of town, Mom’s words swirled around in my head.
How Paul and I had grown up and weren’t the same as we used to be.
How people changed. How Paul hadn’t dated.
I was so lost in thought that I pushed on the door without realizing someone else was pulling it open from the inside.
Falling forward, I landed in a pair of strong arms.