15. Falling Harder
Chapter fifteen
Falling Harder
Paul
There wasn’t a second to think. I could only react, catching the woman who’d just fallen into the diner.
She was light as a feather as I lifted her to her feet.
When she had trouble getting purchase, though, I held her to my chest, wrapping my arms around her back.
As I leaned back to see if she was ready to stand on her own, I was too shocked to move.
“Mags?”
“Hey, Paul,” Maggie said awkwardly, glancing away with her cheeks reddened. “That’s some way to greet you, huh?”
Then we both talked at once. “Sorry.”
We both laughed a little as I let her go. A couple patrons of the diner walked by us, pausing to listen in on every word, as usual. There was no privacy in this town.
She gestured to me. “Were you leaving?”
It didn’t matter if I was being called to a major emergency, I wasn’t going anywhere if Maggie was right here and asking me to stay.
Glancing behind her at the pie case, there were still two pieces of her favorite berry pie left. “Well, I don’t have to go yet. I didn’t have any pie with my lunch. Want a slice?”
She gave that crooked smile, nervously sticking her hand in her back pocket as she glanced away. “Still the best pie ever, right?”
I pulled off my cap, gesturing with it to the booth I’d just left. “Yeah, I think it’s even better than usual these last few years. Minnie’s granddaughter has come to help her make them. Does some sort of magic with the berry pies that I can’t explain, nor would I try.”
Maggie ducked into my recently-vacated booth, so I pushed my used dishes and the tip to the edge of the table for Jo Ellen.
“So, ah, how long have you been back in town?” I asked, placing my cap on the far end of the table.
In truth, I was in shock. Had she seen me in Chicago and came looking for me? Had she changed her mind about the big city and came back to give me a chance? My heart was thumping out of my chest wondering if any reasons for her reappearance had anything to do with me.
She lowered her gaze to her hands. “Just today. I’ve been up in Mainview at the hospital for a few days. Mom … well, you probably know around here. She has cancer. The doctors don’t think she has much time left.”
I sat back, resting my arm on the back of the booth. “I’m real sorry to hear that. Your daddy hasn’t said much to the town about her, just to keep a good thought for her. I didn’t know it was that bad. Are you okay?”
While I wanted to reach out to her, to hold her hand and comfort her, I wasn’t sure of her status.
If she was seeing that guy in Chicago, then touching her wouldn’t be right.
I decided to wait and read her cues on touching, following her lead.
Since she wasn’t reaching out at this point, I kept my hands to myself.
“Not really,” she said, gazing out the window. “I don’t know how long she has, but I’m staying for a while. I want to spend all the time with her that I can.”
Nodding, I understood completely. “I’m glad you came back.”
I meant that in so many ways, but I just let it settle between us.
When Maggie’s eyes landed on me this time, I couldn’t read her expression. “This was inevitable, I guess. Seeing each other in such a small town. I thought we’d meet up at some point, but I had no idea I’d run into you here. Late lunch?”
I shrugged. “Had the vet over and things ran longer than usual.” When Jo Ellen appeared, I handed her the dishes and tip. “Guess I wasn’t quite done yet. Two pieces of berry pie à la mode please.”
Jo Ellen gave me a smile. “Of course, Paul. Whatever you want.” Then she glanced over at Maggie. “Oh, hey. Back in town, huh?”
“Yes, visiting my parents,” Maggie replied. “How are you?”
“Doing great,” she said, her eyes drifting back to me. I turned my attention toward Maggie. “Well, I’ll get that pie.”
Maggie watched Jo Ellen strut away, then glanced back at me, her eyes widening in surprise when she realized I was looking at her.
So many questions ran through my head. What about that guy I saw her with? Should I ask her about him? Naw, that couldn’t be good manners, so I went with something that would easily fall off my tongue.
“The years treated you well, Mags,” I said, trying to temper myself.
My body was alight from the feel of her in my arms earlier while my heart was on a rampage, trying to tear itself out of my chest. Trying to get to her. Wanting so much to tell her everything I felt about her, but knowing it could never work between us.
“I could say the same for you,” she said, her eyebrow lifted as she looked me over. “Farm work suits you, but then it always has. How’s your family?”
“We had some issues over the years, but we’ve made it. Rob’s in his last year of college, Sawyer’s chasing after Leena Hardgrove at the farm down from ours, and Josh’s level of debauchery has reached new lows. Dad’s quieter these days but doing well enough.”
She leaned forward, making the collar of her shirt fall in the middle to expose her cleavage when she reached across for my hand. “What about you?”
When Jo Ellen came back with pie, we pulled our hands apart. Jo Ellen raised an eyebrow as she set the plates in front of us before heading over to a different customer. She glanced back at us a few times, like she was checking to see if we held hands again.
Maggie’s touch had me tongue-tied. What could I say that didn’t sound stupid?
“Been spending a lot of time thinking.”
Damn, that sounded dumb.
She picked up her fork, gesturing with it. “How hard is it to say some of those thoughts out loud, or even write them in a letter?”
More angry at myself than her, I growled. “Too damn hard.” I clenched my jaw, the muscles straining as I tried to get myself under control. “I was supposed to write to you, and I didn’t. I hate letting you down, but it’s all I seem to know how to do.”
This was ridiculous. I couldn’t fix what I hadn’t done. When I should have said yes, throwing caution to the wind and following her anywhere she wanted to go, I said no. I couldn’t change that now, or the way I hadn’t written to her neither, so I might as well leave.
As I slid to the end of the booth, though, she reached out and grabbed my hand that gripped the edge of the table. “That’s not true. You’ve never let me down.”
My head fell. “You don’t mean that.”
The moment after graduation played over and over in my mind.
“I do.” She wedged her fingers into my hand until I held it. “Really. We were just kids.”
“But I didn’t go with you. To Chicago,” I choked out. “You wanted me to pick you.”
The air between us filled with tension until she squeezed my hand. It was our signal telling the other one that things were okay.
“It wasn’t fair of me to ask,” she replied.
“Fair?”
“I shouldn’t have asked,” she explained, glancing out the window.
“I knew you wouldn’t go, and couldn’t, so I should have hugged you and wished you well.
” She turned back toward me. “It was selfish for me to have acted that way, and I regret it. I picked up paper to write to you, too, you know, but I didn’t know what to say either.
After the way things went with my parents, too, it took years to process it all.
Guess we’re more alike than we thought.”
I wasn’t sure what she meant about her parents, but I kept her hand as I slid back into the booth. “I guess we are.”
Our eyes met for a few moments, some sort of truth passing between us. Perhaps forgiveness. Whatever it was, it soothed my heart, finally giving me some relief.
The sound of a woman loudly clearing her throat startled us, making us pull apart awkwardly.
“This pie really is the best,” I said, picking up my spoon and gesturing to her with it.
She gave me that devilish look as she scooped up the perfect bite of half pie, half ice cream. Then, with her eyes closed, she slowly placed the bite in her mouth.
Only after watching her enjoy the bite and hearing her sigh of pleasure did I take a bite, too.
Sweetness and tartness combined in the best way, like fireworks going off in my mouth.
As amazing as it was, I longed to taste something even sweeter.
I focused on Maggie, having trouble tamping down the desire I had for her.
“Want some coffee with that?” Jo Ellen said, sneaking up on us.
Pressing a hand to her lips, Maggie nodded, not wanting to talk with her mouth full.
I answered for us. “That’d be nice, thanks.” I focused on Maggie with the hint of a grin as I saw her load up her spoon. “And put it all on my bill.”
Seeing Maggie wrinkle her nose at that, I knew she didn’t want me to pay for her, but I insisted. She was here with me, so I was going to pay.
Without haste, Jo Ellen brought the coffee, glaring at Maggie while she poured her cup. Not sure why. I thought they were good enough friends in high school.
It wasn’t until after Jo Ellen left that Maggie spoke. “Do you still sit out by the pond?”
“Yeah, almost every night. The lavender bloomed in May, making me think of you,” I admitted. “It’s still in full bloom if you’d want to come see it sometime.”
Unable to look at her after that, I kept my head down while shoveling pie into my mouth. How could I have been so forward?
“You thought about me?” she asked softly.
My heart pounded, wondering if that was something she wanted. “Happens quite a bit, actually.”
Finally, I was brave enough to lift my eyes only to be rewarded with her bright smile.
“I think about you, too. A lot more than I should,” she said, looking like she was chiding herself. “Being back here has been difficult, but it’s been really great to see you.”
Bobbing my head a few times, I agreed. “Definitely not good circumstances, but I’m glad you’re home, Mags.”
As I finished my last bite of pie, I sat back closing my eyes, satisfied.
“Still the best pie ever,” she said, but when I opened my eyes, her gaze was on me.
I thought of all the things I wished I could say, how much I enjoyed holding her earlier and wanted to kiss her. My jeans felt tight thinking how much I wished we could be together, which told me it was time to end this meeting before things got out of hand.
Pulling my cap closer, I tapped one finger on the bill. “Well, it’s been really good to see you.”
She tensed. “Why does that sound like goodbye?”
Making a show of checking my watch, I slid to the edge of the booth. “I have to head back. Afternoon chores.”
“Do you still live at home?” she asked, watching as I leaned forward to pull out my wallet, the old faded leather one she’d given me for my sixteenth birthday.
I pulled out some cash to cover the bill before tugging my cap on again.
“Yeah, someone’s got to keep Josh out of trouble,” I replied with a half-grin.
It felt stupid to be living at home when I was twenty-six. She always expected me to be there, I knew, but to admit how stunted I was in life dented my pride. As a farmer living at home, I would never be what Maggie needed, but seeing her in person, I was falling harder for her than ever before.