17. Too Much
Chapter seventeen
Too Much
Paul
Seeing Maggie was both a pleasure and a torment.
I was supposed to head back and help my brothers, but I ended up pacing by the pond for a while.
My arms ached to wrap around her again. The first time was just an accident, catching her as she fell into me, but I wanted to hold her and press my lips to hers, showing her how much I wanted her.
Thing was, I didn’t have the right. I knew she was seeing someone. She didn’t know that I knew about him, but I did. There was an opening where I could’ve asked about him, but I’d almost swallowed my tongue when she asked me about a girlfriend. How could there ever be anyone for me but her?
Maybe I should have asked her, too, later when my senses returned, but I couldn’t bear hearing her tell me she was in love with someone else. My poor battered heart just couldn’t take it.
By the time I made it back to the barn, it was almost dinnertime. My brothers glared at me as they hefted hay bales I’d promised to help move.
“Where you been?” Josh asked with an attitude.
I knew they would find out sooner or later, so I decided later was better. I answered while I tugged on a pair of work gloves, “Ran into someone in town. Had to be sociable.”
Sawyer narrowed his eyes. “That’s not like you. Who was it?”
I lifted one shoulder, ignoring his question as I grabbed the next rectangular bale. “Yeah, well, I gotta learn to be if I’m taking over the farm someday. Have to talk with the locals and shit.”
“Locals?” Rob asked. “You mean Jo Ellen? She’s pretty.”
Rolling my eyes, I ruffled his hair as I went back for another bale.
“You have so much to learn, little brother,” Josh said, shaking his head. “You don’t want a woman who tells the world your business.”
While Rob thought about that, we kept working.
Heaving bales in the heat and humidity made the conversation cease, thank goodness. I wasn’t ready to talk about Maggie with them.
When Dad called us, we all went in and washed up for dinner while Leena placed a roast, potatoes and carrots, gravy, and steaming hot rolls on the table. Sawyer offered for her to join us, and while I thought Dad would say no, he didn’t.
My brow wrinkled. “Something going on, Dad?”
Giving his head a slight shake, Dad handed me a plate.
I knew that wasn’t good, but I also knew better than to push in front of company.
Dinner was quiet. My younger brothers chatted with Leena about the latest music and when their favorite country star was coming to a county fair close enough to see a concert. They even thought about going to the State Fair.
I kept an eye on Dad, trying to figure out what the problem was. Was it the farm? Were we behind on payments? Was he sick? Or dying?
And that made my head jump back to the conversation with Maggie. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize Sawyer walked Leena out while Rob and Josh cleared the table until I heard my name.
“So, Paul. Something you want to share about your day?” Josh asked, grinning like a fool with his phone in hand.
I grunted. No use in saying anything when they already knew. Maybe Leena had said something.
Dad perked up a little as my brothers continued to poke at me. “Something happened in town?”
“An old friend came back in town. Saw her at the diner is all,” I said, scraping off my dish.
“Her?” Rob followed up immediately.
“There was hugging and hand-holding,” Josh said eagerly. “It’s all over the diner’s social media page.”
Brushing away their words, I made it seem like no big deal. “I kept her from falling is all. Maggie Roth’s back in town. Her mom’s got cancer. It sounds bad.”
Dad shook his head slowly. “Sorry to hear that, son. Mrs. Roth has always been a nice lady.”
“So?” Rob asked. “What does Maggie look like now? Does she still have that long, beautiful hair? Those ruby red lips?”
I narrowed my eyes as something dark stirred in my gut. “You ought not talk about a lady like that.”
Josh looked like an eager Labrador. “Does she still wear dresses? Maybe shorter ones now that she’s living in Chicago?”
He lifted his chin, looking like he was picturing her in his head.
Tossing a chair aside, I loomed over Josh. “Get her out of your damn head right now.”
Josh snickered and saluted. “Yes, sir.”
From the salacious grin on his face, I knew he was lying.
I was about ready to knock some sense into him when Dad separated us with defeat in his eyes.
“Got some news today myself. There’s a new round of regulations coming down on us soon, boys.
Congress passed a bill that starts in two weeks that bans the pesticides we use, changes the way we have to dispose of the manure from the cows and sheep, reduces the emissions so we can’t use the old tractors anymore, and makes it damn near impossible to do what we need to do to keep our crop production high enough to make a living. ”
We were all too dumbfounded to say anything.
Dad leaned back against the counter and continued. “So, when I heard the Smith’s wanted to double down and expand his acreage, I had a chat with Dan. He made me an offer.”
My stomach knotted. “An offer? For the farm?”
Gripping the table, he glanced up at me. “To buy or cash rent the farm.”
We were all yelling before Dad’s hand patted the air to stop the cacophony.
My future was here and he was just going to sell it out from under me?
Sawyer bounded up the front stairs back from walking Leena home. “I heard yelling. What’d I miss?”
“Dad’s selling the farm,” I summarized.
“Times are changing, and we can’t make a living this way,” Dad said, his hard eyes glowering at me. “Sure, I could walk away and leave this all to you, Paul, but right now it’s a worthless heap.”
“So, what happens to the animals?” Sawyer asked.
With a sigh, Dad looked exhausted. “We can keep the animals, make a little off raising them, and keep twenty acres or so to plant hay for them. Then, we sell the tractors for parts, keep working the animals, pay someone to cut and bale the hay when its ready, and try it for a couple years to see what we think of going on this way. Dan’s willing to give me a fair price on the rest of the land, and selling it would also lower our insurance rates.
We could probably make it that way, so long as the regulations don’t change much on animals.
If they do, though, we’re either going to be full-time ranchers or sell the house and leave the farm for good. ”
My throat felt tight as I crossed my arms. All this time, Dad told us this farm was our home. How this land was everything. And now he wanted to give up and walk away?
“What would granddaddy say?” I said, thinking of all those times I rode with him, hearing stories of our family working this farm. “He loved this land.”
Dad’s eyes flashed. “He’d expect us to do what we have to do to make it in this world.”
“This is bullshit,” I muttered, lowering my gaze to the worn linoleum.
“The alternative is bankruptcy, Paul,” Dad’s harsh tone brought my eyes back to his.
“Everything would grind to a halt, the court would take over, and people would come in to take everything from us to sell at rock bottom prices that won’t even come close to paying off our debts. Is that what you want?”
I leaned forward on the table, my arms straight and my heart in my throat. “Course not. But I want to know why the hell you’re giving up instead of fighting. You said to give this place everything we had, and we’ve given it our blood, sweat, and tears, and we did.”
Taking a deep breath, Dad leaned back and crossed his arms across his broad chest. “Maybe I was wrong.”
All of us sucked in a collective breath. Not once had Dad ever admitted to being wrong.
“What do you mean?” Rob asked tentatively.
Dad lifted his chin. “I raised you boys to put the farm first, but maybe you shouldn’t.
Maybe I’ve done you a disservice. Especially you, Paul.
You gave up everything to stay here, and I know what it cost you.
So, how can I ask you to go down with the ship when I know it’s inevitable?
If we sell or rent now, we can get ahead of this thing, avoid bankruptcy.
If we wait a few years, though, we could lose everything. Even the house.”
“The house?” Josh asked, his eyes wide.
Dad nodded. “The numbers don’t lie. So, I’m going to stop letting the legacy of this land get in the way of our future.” Looking to Sawyer and Josh, Dad tipped his chin. “You boys could go to community college, learn a trade, and do something else with your life now.”
My brothers exchanged a grimace.
Josh wrinkled his nose. “Go back to school?”
“But this is what we know,” Sawyer argued.
Dad stood, stepping between Josh and Sawyer to place his hands on their shoulders. “S’pose I could see if the Smiths would hire you boys on to work this land or help out with their farm. Or you could see if anyone else around here is hiring.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Racing out the door, I didn’t stop until I made it to the pond.
My lungs burned by the time I reached the fallen tree I sat on most nights. This place was my home. Questions swirled around me until I felt nauseous. Leaning over, I held my belly and tried to breathe.
Just when I thought this was it, I was having a heart attack and would never survive it, my phone dinged.
Thinking it was one of my brothers checking on me, I pulled it out of my pocket.
A number I didn’t recognize sent me a text.
Clicking on it, I saw one little sentence that made my world spin in a different direction.
Hey, any chance you’re at the pond?
It was Maggie. Quickly, I programmed her number into my phone.
Me: I’m here now.
Maggie: Want some company?
Me: Sure.
There were dots that danced on my phone a few times, then stopped. She was writing, then not writing.
Maggie: I’m not far.
She was already here? There was nowhere close to park, so she’d have to walk the rest of the way. I stood, looking toward where I thought she’d be coming from, and then there she was. Like in one of my dreams, she appeared in a jean skirt and sleeveless shirt.