The Bad Decision Next Door

Chapter 1

Casimir

“I need you to date me.”

It wasn’t what I was expecting to hear when I opened my door to see my very sexy and very straight neighbor standing there. We were more like borrow a cup of sugar neighbors and not the dating kind, so I wasn’t sure what was going on or how to ask if Atlee had gone crazy.

Luckily for me, snark was always my backup and my brain didn’t need help for that. “Have you forgotten you’re straight and married?”

That second part might not matter because he’d been trying to get a divorce for at least six months, but I thought I’d make sure he remembered that too. I’d been surprised at the number of straight, gay, or curious guys who conveniently forgot that specific fact.

The sexy grump just rolled his eyes. “I really don’t see why I need to keep telling people I’m technically bisexual.”

Interesting.

“If you want to date me, that’s something you need to lead with.” I thought it was obvious, but Atlee sighed like I was being a pain in the ass.

I was…but that wasn’t the point.

“And the married part?” We weren’t going to ignore that one because I was going to get a good response to my points before we moved on to the what the fuck part of the conversation.

“I’m doing my best to get a divorce but everyone in the fucking world is against me.” Gesturing toward me, he clearly thought I could help. “Hence, why I’m here.”

That hadn’t explained nearly as much as he thought it did…but I was stupidly curious and really nosy, so he was in luck. “How can I help with that?”

His soon-to-be ex-wife had been nuts and I was pretty sure homophobic, so I was glad to help in any way possible, but that didn’t explain why she’d married a guy who liked dick too. Was it a batshit just made bad decisions kind of thing?

God, I was going to end up dating the grump just because I couldn’t control my penchant for gossip.

“I need a man to date me publicly to help remind my family that I’m not straight and to convince my ex that she really needs to be my ex.” His glare was still sexy but was also making me wonder what the fuck was going on.

I was totally screwed.

He was going to be the craziest man I’d ever dated.

“We’ll come back to how you know I’m single, but for the moment, we’re going to start with why the hell she’s dragging her feet on your divorce.” I had a lot of other questions but that was a good jumping-off point.

Atlee looked around me and deeper into the house. “May I come in?”

This day just kept getting weirder and weirder. “Sure.”

I wasn’t sure how hospitable I was going to be, but we had too many neighbors who were just as nosy as I was and they didn’t need any help figuring out what was going on.

With one that could read lips and another who I was pretty sure bought one of those badass mics off of , we needed walls between us and them.

“Come in and sit down.” Gesturing toward my living room, I shut the door behind my strange neighbor and led him over to the couch. I was smart enough to sit across from him to make sure I didn’t get distracted, but I was still going to enjoy the view.

Because man, did he fill out a pair of jeans…even pressed ones he’d clearly ironed.

“Now, can you explain what’s going on in a bit more detail?” Before I decided if I was going to get pissy or be polite.

“I guess I need to.” He still seemed offended about that part, but it couldn’t be helped, so he was going to have to suck it up. “As you know, I’m in the middle of a slightly contentious divorce.”

Duh.

There’d been enough screaming matches the whole street knew she cheated on him with the office gigolo.

“Yes, I’d heard something about that.” From everyone on our crazy street. Anyone who said that the suburbs were boring had never lived there. It was fabulous and filled with really high-maintenance people. “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

And sorry he’d stuck around so long if I was being honest.

“Thank you.” Having boring manners stuff to fall back on seemed to make him happier because he relaxed into my comfy couch and didn’t seem as offended. “Well, one thing you might not know is that she’s six months pregnant with her affair partner’s child.”

Wow.

I was getting the good stuff.

Ha.

Mrs. Jessup with that stupid mic could kiss my ass.

How did we not already know this?

“That’s…” I let my response trail off and just shook my head since I wasn’t sure what the right response should be. Giggling manically definitely wasn’t it, so I tried to behave. “I’m assuming that’s not the part that led you here, though.”

This was getting better and better.

“No.” Looking pissed still, the sexy grump took a breath and let it out slowly. “I’m trying to be rational about the whole situation but I’m slightly frustrated.”

“I don’t blame you.” And I was pretty sure I’d get more understanding once he actually explained how we’d gotten to this point. “What makes her think her being pregnant with that asshole’s kid is your problem in any way?”

That got a ghost of a smile out of him. “Everyone knows, huh?”

“That he’s an asshole who can’t keep it in his pants? Yes. We’ve named him Gigolo.” His real name was something close to Giovani but they kept screaming the name at such insane pitches we weren’t completely sure.

And for fuck only knew what reason, it was really hard to find him online.

Groaning, my delightfully ridiculous neighbor scrubbed his hands over his face. “Great. Well, at least I won’t have to go into detail to catch you up to speed.”

We’d see about that, but for the moment I nodded as he finally put his hands back on his lap. “Okay, well, we’ve been working through the formal divorce proceedings for about six months…which you probably know.”

Yep.

My grin got another dramatic sigh from him but he didn’t get derailed. “Perfect. There was a couple of months before that where we were trying to decide if our marriage could be saved.”

No. It could not and we’d all known for a lot longer than him.

“Yeah, you knew that too.” He didn’t do more than roll his eyes before moving on that time. “I actually suspected she was cheating before that, though, so our marriage was really over a long time ago.”

When she’d gotten the new job and started working all those long hours. Yeah, we’d guessed that part too because no one enjoyed overtime that much.

“Fucking hell.” Mumbling the curse to himself, he had to take another breath to stay calm. “This neighborhood. God.”

I loved this neighborhood, so I couldn’t agree with him on that part. “If you’re feeling bad, I’ll tell you about the Smiths’ oldest son.”

Atlee frowned at me. “That teenager?”

“Nope. The thirty-year-old.” He was fun…and so was Atlee’s wide-eyed reaction.

“They’re not old enough to have a kid that age.” Blinking, he shook his head. “No, I’m not getting sucked into the neighborhood’s Young and the Restless latest episodes.”

He was so boring…that was one of the reasons I’d thought he was straight.

“So we’re going back to your episode. Great.” I was flexible on whose drama I got to follow, but he was the one who’d come to me, so I was going to need more information before I dragged out my sympathy and dusted it off.

“This is insane.” We both agreed with his grumbling, but since he didn’t get off my couch, I just waited for him to get over his drama and continue. “The situation. Not you.”

Well, at least he was trying to be polite.

That still seemed like a really straight thing to do, though.

“Her affair partner dumped her when he found out she was pregnant. He’s gone back to Italy to be with his wife.

” When my mouth dropped open, he nodded and sighed.

“Yep, he was evidently here to work on a short-term project. It sounds suspicious to me, but it seems like he finished it up very quickly and headed home. To his wife.”

This just kept getting better.

“And?

There had to be something else, I could see it on his face.

“And their three children. All under the age of five from what I’m told.” Rolling his eyes as I squeaked in excitement, it seemed like he was doing his best not to actually smile. “We’re just going to say that Valerie is not happy.”

I bet.

I was missing something, though.

“How does this involve you?” My question got more dramatic sounds from the ridiculous hottie, but he didn’t make me wait for the answer.

He clearly knew my patience would only last so long when it came to good gossip.

“When he left, she decided I was still a good second choice and tried to get me to reconcile.” My shock got a bark of laughter from him and he seemed lighter.

“Yes, that was my thought too, but she was insistent. When that didn’t work, she aimed her sad expression and pregnant belly in my family’s direction. ”

Oh.

They were kind of batshit too from what we’d heard over Christmas…and Thanksgiving…and Easter for whatever reason.

I was more religious than they were.

“And they’re all loony tunes enough to ignore that the kid isn’t yours and she’s a bitch.” When he nodded even though it wasn’t a question, I shook my head. “This just keeps getting more and more insane. I thought that issue with the delivery guy was the worst.”

She really shouldn’t have tried to seduce the pizza guy…that just wasn’t good revenge for him canceling a credit card.

Atlee huffed. “They still won’t deliver to my house.”

I wasn’t sure why the kid’s family didn’t call the cops, but someone clearly thought he looked older than he actually was.

“You can get it delivered here and I’ll let you know when the coast is clear to come get it.” They were the only place that had free delivery in miles, so I knew why it was frustrating.

I should not have to pay nearly double the price of my food and pay for a tip just to get it fucking delivered.

“Thank you.” Looking adorably pleased by that, Atlee got slightly chattier.

“My mother is calling daily to get me to reconsider for the sake of the child. My father is calling every two or three days when he can’t take my mother any longer and tells me to just make her happy.

My sister is incredibly angry that she’s not going to have the first grandchild, so I’m getting calls about that too.

Then we’ve got an assortment of crazies from the rest of the extended family who just can’t mind their own business. ”

His family was great.

Wait.

“Your sister is a lesbian who doesn’t want kids. She was really loud about that last Easter when all the kids were outside hunting for eggs at that ungodly hour.” One of the local assholes had told them if they got up early enough they might be able to catch the Easter Bunny and steal his candy.

The suburbs were nearly fucking feral.

I loved it.

“Please don’t remind her about that because it makes her just as insane.” Atlee looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to huff or roll his eyes again. “I’ve given up using logic on any of them.”

“Hence why you’ve come to me.” I was starting to see how he’d gotten to this point. “Am I the most flamboyant gay guy you know?”

Was this a shock-and-awe kind of campaign?

I was on the more feminine side of things, but that just made me more interesting, not easier to manage.

He frowned at me like he thought the question was odd. “I think you’re the only one I know? Wait. The head janitor seems to be in a relationship with a man and a woman. They’re all old as dirt and it’s confusing, but it doesn’t seem polite to ask what sexual orientation he decided he is.”

Agreed.

“Yeah, that’s something you need to get him to volunteer. How old are we talking?” Just a bit creaky or weirdly old? “How long have they been together?”

“That’s not the point.” His glare was kind of cute and I didn’t mind grinning to let him know. “You’re going to be difficult.”

“On a regular basis, cutie.”

How was I the only gay man he knew?

“Don’t you go to gay bars once in a while? Haven’t you downloaded any hookup apps? I know a bathroom downtown with a glory hole.” They were few and far between anymore, but it was still fascinating to see who came out of that bathroom looking more confused than when they’d gone in.

“You ask the weirdest questions.” Since he was right, I just waited for him to continue.

“As I was saying…I don’t have that many gay friends because bars are loud and dirty, hookup apps are dangerous and designed to get you to sleep with your neighbors or people you work with, and I’m not letting a stranger suck my dick just to see if he’ll date me and distract my family. ”

Okay, the glory hole hadn’t been a real idea but it was fun seeing him get worked up. He’d nearly gone squeaky talking about it and I could see his blood pressure climbing.

Yep.

He was going to be fun to date.