Chapter 34 #4
I went back to the TV and began to flick through the rest of the pictures.
Everyone wanted to send Ronan their congratulations and posed with handwritten messages on napkins of ‘Congrats, Ronan’, ‘We miss you, Ronan’, ‘All Hail King Ronan.’ This last message was held up by Kevin Sherry with Leanne by his side.
After I had taken that picture I decided to be brave and ask Kevin:
‘Was this your idea?’
He screwed his face up at me like I was being ridiculous thinking he would do something nice.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘if it was, thank you. Ronan is going to be blown away by this.’
He shook his head.
Leanne stepped closer, sensing the tension between her boyfriend and me.
‘I’m sure whoever did come up with this idea will be blown away to hear how much it means to Ronan,’ she said and left Kevin’s arm to go join her friends.
Kevin stood looking at me.
‘What?’ he said, puffing his chest out a bit.
‘What?’ I said back. I think I meant it as an invitation. For him to tell me why he had bullied me so much after he saw me at the funeral home, after he knew I didn’t have my best friend in school with me anymore.
‘Don’t piss me off, not tonight. Right?’ he said.
‘Kevin,’ I said, totally confused, ‘I haven’t been trying to piss you off. I don’t know what I’ve ever done to piss you off.’
‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘You just have no fuckin’ clue.’
‘I really don’t,’ I said. ‘But if it’s got anything to do with me seeing you when your granda …’
He suddenly stepped in close, his nose almost touching mine.
‘Tell Ronan I said congratulations when you see him,’ he said and spun round, barging me with his shoulder as he walked off.
But not even Kevin could lessen the strength of the memories as they came bubbling back up inside me in the McCoys’ sitting room that Sunday afternoon.
Recounting everything seemed to trigger all the intense feelings I’d experienced that night: the nerves with Jennifer, the fury at her dad, the sorrow of missing Ronan, the embarrassment and appreciation of my dad, the ego boost of Mr Feeney’s BMW, the pride in accepting the award for Ronan and the love on everyone’s face for him on the dance floor until the last song played and Jennifer and me were back in the BMW chatting the whole way.
We pulled up outside her house and I got out to walk round and open her door for her. Dad got out at the same time and crossed paths with me in the headlights like we’d done all those weeks ago in St Matthew’s car park when I found the holy medal.
‘A kiss goodnight wouldn’t be a bad call,’ he whispered.
‘What?’
‘I didn’t say anything,’ he said.
I shook my head and went to open the door for Jennifer.
‘Thanks, Brendan,’ she said, getting out. ‘It was a wonderful night.’
‘It was,’ I said, ‘I can’t wait to show Ronan all the photos tomorrow.’
‘He’s going to love them. And the award, of course.’
‘He really is. Unbelievable.’
‘Unbelievable,’ she said.
I looked over to where Dad was, standing in the headlight beam with his back to us.
‘Well, goodnight,’ I said.
‘Goodnight,’ she said.
I stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek and quickly stepped back.
She looked at me.
I looked at her.
She stepped forward and kissed me on the lips and held for a few seconds before she stepped back again.
We looked at each other.
Then we both stepped in and kissed for much, much longer.
I wasn’t sure how long a kiss is supposed to last for or who stops kissing who, but when we stepped back from each other I knew it had ended sooner than I had wanted it to.
‘Goodnight,’ I said, heart beating, face beaming.
‘Goodnight again,’ she said, smiling wide, and bounced off to the front door and waved before going inside.
‘Nice one, Brendan,’ Dad said, squinting in the headlight beam.
‘Nice one what?’ I said, going round to the passenger side.
‘Exactly,’ he said, ‘nice one what.’
‘Dad, sometimes you say things and I’ve no idea what you mean.’
‘Well, I said something a minute ago and you seemed to know what I meant.’
‘I thought you said you didn’t say anything,’ I said.
‘Aye, you’re right, I didn’t.’
‘Must be hearing things then.’
‘Voices in your head.’
‘Aye.’
‘Aye.’
He walked round to the driver’s side and we looked across at each other over the roof of the BMW.
‘Aye, well, thanks anyway, Dad.’
‘Not a bother, Mr Wayne.’
I looked at him confused.
‘Batman,’ he said, ducking down and sitting in the driver’s seat and closing the door. I looked to where his head had been and smiled, and then got into the car to sit beside him.
At home, I stood in front of my cupboard mirror once more, Ronan’s award in one hand, my face flushed above the red-veined bowtie pulsing under my chin.
I couldn’t help but feel that it was a moment in my life that would never be topped because I really did feel like I was at the top of something, some mountain peak maybe, looking down at a landscape of possibility all around me.
It’s probably why I had the dream I had.
I was a mountain climber scaling something like Everest, digging my spiked boots into thick ice and using sticks to support me with each step.
I was pulling a rope that was tethered to a sleigh some distance behind me.
The wind was howling but I could hear the distant shout of Ronan, who was sitting in the sleigh, wrapped in fur.
‘How much further?’ came his yelling voice.
I kept on climbing, seeming to have no answer to his question.
‘I said, how much further?’ he called again.
‘In inches or miles?’ I called back.
‘Either!’
‘One!’ I shouted.
‘One?’
‘One. Inch. At. A. Time.’ I shouted out each word. ‘One inch at a time,’ I said quietly to myself.
I took a great big step.
‘One,’ shouted Ronan from behind.
‘One,’ I shouted back.
‘Two,’ he shouted as I took the next step.
‘Two,’ I shouted back.
‘Three,’ he shouted with the next step and on we went.
I don’t know if we reached the top or not but when I woke on Sunday morning my feet were freezing.
In the McCoys’ sitting room, after we turned the TV off and disconnected the camera, one last picture was taken. It was one of Ronan and me. He was in his chair with the award on his lap and I had my arm around him crouched by his side.
‘You ready?’ said Mrs McCoy, standing in front of us. ‘One, two, three.’
I think I blinked when the camera flashed.