18. Chapter 17 Rhianelle
Chapter 17 Rhianelle
M y mouth waters at the sight of the dishes on the table, venison drenched in rich saffron, buttered bread, various green herbs, berries, and pomegranates. The soft glow from the three-tiered candles makes everything seem that much more appealing.
This is too much food for two people.
I pile them all on my plate until they form a small mountain.
“Where am I supposed to sit?” I ask since Svenn is now sitting on the only chair in the room.
“With me,” he says easily, leaning back. He leans back, inviting me to settle down on his lap.
My stomach dips at the silent demand.
I should have taken his offer earlier when he was generous enough to pull the chair for me. I want to rush back to the painting room to get the wooden stool. But I realized the poor thing has become food for the flames in the crackling fireplace.
This evil, evil man.
“I’ll go eat at the corner then,” I say moving straightaway to the back wall. I’m prepared to eat while standing. It’s not like Lady Deirdre is here to reprimand my poor manners and etiquette.
“Come sit with me.” His voice carries in the dark chamber.
“I’m good here, thanks.” I wave back.
I attempt to balance the plate with one hand while trying to eat with the other. Of course, the platters in this castle are the large porcelain ones, meant to serve a royal household. Svenn watches my antics silently from his comfortable seat.
If the plate crashes, then I would waste this precious food. I’d hate for that to happen. More than I hate the cruel man at the table.
I march back to him and claim my place on top of him. He stills when I climb into his lap. The chair groans from our combined weight. Or maybe it was him who groaned. I don’t know.
“Happy now?” I ask.
He seems pleased. “Almost.”
A vicious fox toying with a pitiful rabbit.
With a single hand, he pulls the heavy long table closer. My eyes widen at the casual use of strength.
“Eat.”
This time I do because I’m hungry and the food tastes really good. I think these cubed marinated potatoes will be my new favorite dish. Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. I hum my appreciation for them and feel Svenn’s muscles tensing beneath me. I decide it’s best to munch quietly like a wary mouse.
To be honest, I haven’t had a proper dinner in a while. The council proceedings and paperwork consume most of my time. I could hardly find the time to indulge myself in something like this.
We both say nothing for far too long. I hope our unspoken truce lasts and he doesn’t try anything weird.
Svenn pours hot cocoa into my cup without a word. I drink deeply from the chalice, letting the delicious fluid warm me from inside out. There is a hint of the decadent fae cinnamon in the drink. Even the cloves and black pepper in the food are fae grown. The items were in abundance back when V?lundr was still trading with Avalon. But these days you would have to travel all the way to Talondria to get them. Did he really fly there in this turbulent weather?
I gather the courage to look at the man behind me. He has his eyes closed, his jaw propped over a fist. I notice the hint of night dew on the shoulder of his tunic and his wet ruffled hair.
My heart catches and melts in my chest. I turn away. This man tore his soul into pieces and died today. Still, he travelled through the violent tempest to find food.
For me…
I glance back at Svenn, only to find him staring back at me. That look is enough to bring a healthy dose of fear to my heart.
I feel like I need to do something to save myself. I lance a potato cube with my fork and deliver it close to his mouth. He lowers his head to take my peace offering, his jaw moving slowly to grind the morsel of food. My heart stutters at the simple act. There’s just something so sensual in the way he licks his lips.
“You’re staring, Nel,” he whispers darkly.
“It’s just the bond,” I lie.
“Right…” There is a wistful note in his voice.
“This sweet and sour sauce is tasty,” I compliment.
He briefly glances at my plate. “The spice is from Isolde’s Cottage and the fresh vegetables are from Grimlocke. They’re little shops in Talondria, Avalon.”
I knew it, I smile in my heart.
Svenn sees the hidden smile anyway. “I’ll take you there someday. Tomorrow, if you want.”
Yes, please! I’ve always wanted to go.
My heart lights up like fireworks at the promise and I almost nod. I keep a list of the places I wish to travel to on the continent. Then I remember he trapped me here and I’m sullen again.
I bite my tongue instead of saying what I really want and turn my back on him.
“Someday it is,” he mutters when I don’t reply.
I look at the pile of books and maps on the table. All of them are books that I adore, journals, and maps. Svenn has truly well prepared to become my benevolent jailor.
But I’m not going to stay in his beautiful prison. If I stab his thigh with the fork, topple the candlestick on the table, burn the castle—
“You’re thinking of running away.” His voice cuts through my thoughts.
“No bird wants to live in a cage, Svenn.”
“There is nowhere for you to go,” he says simply.
“I can swim.”
“There are sharks in these waters.”
Sharks.
I’ve never seen one in real life, but the catalogue in my father’s study and the bones in the museum suggest I may not survive the encounter. I chew on my lip with the final option left.
I can bargain.
Maybe the small part of him that is fae will agree. I reach out for a piece of paper from the pile of books and fold it into a crane. This is my only hope. I twist in his arms to face him and present him with my tithe.
He is still watching my movement with that amused look on his face. “What is this? A paper duck?”
“It’s a peace dove,” I answer quickly with the fae tradition. “I would like to make a bargain.”
A rogue smile tugs the corner of his mouth as he toys with my gift in his fingers. “What are your terms, little fawn?”
“Bring me back to Windhaven in exchange for whatever you wish.” It’s a dangerous deal, but I’m desperate.
“I can have anything?” he asks.
“Anything within reason,” I quickly add. “Don’t ask for something impossible.”
He waits a moment before replying. Thunder roars and rumbles several times when he finally says, “I want to be able to hold you anytime I want.”
I lurch to take back my peace treaty duck—crane from him.
He doesn’t let me peel it from his hand. “You get to do the same, of course.”
Since he’s holding my crane hostage, I listen to his proposal. “The bond will continue to annoy us until its demand is fulfilled. This is a great compromise.”
I pause at that statement.
I have to admit, I do like this clarity in my head. His terms work for me better than I thought.
But you have to be clear when making a deal with demons and fae. Svenn is worse than both, so I must be very careful with the fine line of this agreement. “Anytime seems unreasonable. What if I am in the middle of a council meeting or taking a bath?”
“Anytime, any place,” he insists.
I roll my eyes. “This is an awful contract.”
“I’ll throw in a perk for you, Nel,” he says before I can refuse. “You get to bite me whenever you want.”
His gravelly voice sends shivers skittering down my spine.
I frown at him suspiciously.
There’s something in this deal, something more I’m not grasping. “I may be struggling with the bond, but this agreement has no value to you. You’ve sealed yours.”
Something changes in his eyes. There is a long pause before he speaks. “You make it easier for me… to breathe. To be alive.”
The weight of his words hits me like a tidal wave. It penetrates every wall I’ve built around my heart.
I make it easier for him to breathe?
I inhale deeply to calm down my fluttering pulse.
“Just physical touch. Nothing sexual,” I negotiate carefully.
“If you say so,” he mutters.
“All right then.” I hold out my hand to shake his.
His eyes darken to night. “We seal it with a kiss.”
I knew it.
Instead of anger, I find my heart beating madly at the request. He’s waiting for me to make a move.
Well, here goes…
I rise and plant my knees on his lap. Flame roars in his eyes over my new position. The thin sheet of covering falls from my body, pooling around my waist. His intense gaze strays from my face to my breasts. He’s gripping the curved armrest of the chair like he wants to rip it off.
I watch the gentle movement in his throat as he swallows. “Kiss me, Nel.”
Not an order. A plea.
His breath hitches as I lower my head and draw closer. Wait…
Big, scary vampire who wants to chain me to the bed is on edge because of me?
But it’s a relief to know I affected him as much as he affected me. I stroke the underside of his jaw and feel him shudder beneath the touch. His muscles remain rigid, tense with anticipation as he waits for me to kiss him.
What am I doing, teasing him like this? I am already sitting on his lap half naked. I don’t want to give him any weird ideas to fulfill his wicked fantasies. I quickly plant a chaste kiss to his cheek and retreat into my soft blanket shell.
I wait several heartbeats until I feel safe again and peer my head slowly like a turtle.
Svenn is gazing absently forward as if I’m still there in front of him. His dark eyes then lower to me. I flinch under the vehemence of that stare. His face is playing an emotion I can’t quite parse. Not anger.
Hunger.
I can’t stop the goosebumps spreading down my skin beneath the blanket. He keeps watching me silently, like a serpent biding his time before it strikes.
Just as my heart is about to explode, he clears his throat. “My next wish is—”
“There’s another one?” My cries of confounding surprise echo on the wall.
“Of course. Flying costs energy.”
“I’m not fulfilling another wish just for one of mine,” I bite back.
“Then we can stay here.”
I consider my chances with the sharks for a moment.
“Fine.” I bite my inner cheeks. “What’s the second thing you want?”
“Promise me you’ll never risk yourself like that ever again.”
I blink at the strange request.
“First with the pig and the gnome—”
“Emyr and Ymir—” I correct him.
“Then with the sea snakes.”
“Ksatka and Kiiska.”
“You jumped into the dark water without thinking twice.” He sounds enraged and my heart starts pounding wildly again.
I was trying to do the right thing…
His fingers curl under my chin, guiding me to look at him. “Promise me you won’t throw yourself in harm’s way again.”
I don’t know how to even begin fulfilling this bargain. It doesn’t sound like a trick. In fact, Svenn almost sounds like he cares for my well-being.
“Deal.”
I aim for his cheek again, but he turns his head at the last second. My lips brush softly against his. Seconds pass and I linger there, tasting his warmth.
There is no excuse now. The bond is already appeased by our physical touch. This is all me. I want him to keep kissing me.
And I want to kiss him right back.
Walls of bricks, not of straw.
I pull away slowly. A wave of desire shoots through me as I meet his heated stare. He can smell fear. I wonder if he can sense something else on me too.
My brick walls are shaking.
“We have a deal, Rhianelle Wiolant.” The words fall from his lips easily. I look at his face, there is no hint of a lie.
“May I claim the first part of our bargain now?” he asks with the politeness of the devil.
I nod and let him gather me into his arms.
Gods, it feels good.
I feel more like myself without the bond’s incessant pull. This touch, it grounds me. Even my mind finds its peace. He runs soothing strokes down my back to calm me down.
“Higher,” I murmur before I can stop myself.
When did I become so demanding?
But he obliges, smoothing his expert hand on the sore muscle of my shoulder blade. A thought goes through my head at the touch, and I smile. “I feel like an Ollivade lamp crystal…”
“Like a what?”
“My cousin uses them to collect energy from the sun to light up the cities in Kashran at night,” I say, feeling a wave of pride for the Tluryan elves of Kashran. “They glow when you rub them. But it has to be charged during the day. Kahedin wrote to me that they may be able to adopt it as their main source of renewable energy soon.”
“This Kahedin… he writes to you often?” Svenn asks casually.
“Yes! We talk about everything,” I say earnestly.
“Does he have a full name?” he asks calmly.
“Kahedin Galenfrost Kashran.” I giggle a little at that. “He used to make fun of my name by rhyming it with violent, so I made fun of his middle name.”
“I see,” Svenn mutters, listening to my story with rapt attention. He unfolds the regional map on the table. “What is his favorite pastime? Which tavern does he frequent most?”
It’s nice to know that he is interested in knowing more about my cousin. “Kahedin spends most of his time in the conservatory. He loves watching the stars. And he even named one after me—“ I stop myself before I can point to the capital of Kashran.
My finger trembles and hovers on the map. I remember clearly how the bond almost drove me to tackle down Tallula in the middle of the hallway. I lift my head slowly to look at Svenn. He may have sealed his bond, but his eyes blaze with the same possessive envy like mine did back then.
I don’t want to place Kahedin’s life in jeopardy, so I feign a yawn and stretch.
“I wonder how Ksatka and Kiiska are doing right now.” I quickly flip the subject entirely.
“With their speed, I bet they have passed through the Isle of Tessalora by now. The water is warm there from the underwater volcanoes. I hope it makes Kiiska happy.” I keep blabbering about the seadragons and the sea topography.
A glint in his eyes tells me Svenn can clearly see through my distraction, but he indulges me through the entire talk.
“Do you want me to spot and chart their travel path?” he suddenly asks.
“You can do that?”
“I’ll do anything for you, Nel.”
I blush into a million shades of red at that simple sentence.
But this is good.
He’s no longer concerned with Kahedin. I feed him another potato cube so he’ll forget all about my cousin. Svenn is a leisure eater, though, making sure the food is well chewed before swallowing it. I’m glad because it means more for me. Between the dive, the healing, and carrying the strings, I really need to replenish my energy. I keep eating until I am stuffed and sleepy.
“Do you want me to carry you to bed?” he offers smoothly.
The one with the chains on each corner? No way.
I shake my head fervently and nestle into his lap once again. He stiffens for a brief moment before his fingers draw circles down my back to comfort me. It’s endearing. I close my eyes, letting the warmth of his body soak into mine.
“When the bond is not telling me to hump you like a bunny in heat… this actually feels kind of nice,” he mutters to my hair.
I nod to his chest.
He presses a hand at the base of my spine and my body jolts.
“I’m sorry, Nel. I guess this is why you’ve been skipping practice,” he mutters in realization. “You were in pain.”
That’s not it at all…
“No.”
“Either this or you’re avoiding me.”
I really love our training sessions. It actually helps with my posture and gait. I ran from Svenn because I know what Lilith did to him. But I don’t want talk about that and open old wounds.
“It’s something else,” I dismiss.
His sculpture-like face twitches with mild interest. I know I have to offer him something.
“They don’t have chairs in the council room,” I say, giving him a half-truth. “I can run and climb all day but standing stiff…”
“Makes the cramp worse,” he finishes for me. “You mean to tell me you were standing the entire session from morning to evening?”
I nod.
His expression morphs into something lethal.
“It—it’s not that big of a deal.” I can’t control the tremor in my voice when he’s looking like he’ll finally take me back to Windhaven, only to kill every member of the Aldarelf council. “Everyone else stands and does just fine. I could have endured it too if I had a normal functioning leg—”
The endless depths of his eyes darken further, like the void in the heavens where thousands of stars meet their end.
I stop abruptly when I realized the more I talk, the deeper the grave I’m digging. Once again, I am reminded how frightening he can be. I’m so glad I never told the wolf where my cousin lives.
Svenn wraps his arm around me, squeezing me tightly against him. The sudden embrace catches me by surprise. My heart slams in my chest and starts pounding rapidly.
I prayed to the gods for this yesterday, for him to hold me. They answered it quickly. I make a note to visit the temples more often. I still in his arms and slowly lift my head to look at his face.
“You should have told me you were hurting, Nel,” he mutters, his ruthless edge softening.
I feel a strange tugging unravelling my heartstrings.
Our gaze holds for a charged moment before I turn away. “I’m fine, really.”
My brick walls are crumbling down from his relentless onslaughts today. I need time to fortify my defenses.
I wriggle free from him and pretend to sort the bowls and plates aside to clear the table in front of me. I’m just finding something to do so I won’t have to look at him.
“We’ve been gone for a whole day. What am I going to tell people when I get back tomorrow?” I mutter to myself.
“If you get back,” Svenn says with a lazy drawl.
That tone has my heartbeat picking up again, I turn slowly to look at him.
“The day after tomorrow then?” I ask, hopeful.
“No.”
“Is it because of the storm?”
He doesn’t answer, his eyes nearly glowing in the candlelight. I touch his fist where he’s holding my paper crane. “Svenn, we made a bargain.”
“We did. I haven’t decided when I want to honor it,” he says with an impassive tone. “I’ll take you back to that slum next year.”
My heart escalates in my chest. That was careless of me…
Always specify the timing whenever you’re dealing with a fae, or in this case, a deranged vampire.
A smirk lifts his lips, sardonic and entirely evil. “But maybe we can go back next month. If you behave.”
I blink my eyes at him, feeling a little numb.
That’s it.
I refuse to play his game anymore. I scramble from his lap onto the table I just cleared. I perch myself on the edge to face the devil.
He pulls the table closer. I plant my feet on the chair in between his thighs to stop that. I have the height in this new bearing. I need all the advantage I can get for my next move.
“What are you doing, Nel?” he asks, his voice light and airy, still playful. I square my jaw as I stare down at him, fighting the anger churning inside of me.
“Let’s have that countdown again. I’ll tell you what I want this time.” Lightning strikes over the large windows, making my words sound ominous.
Fear flickers on that arrogant face for a fraction of a second before he squashes down the emotion. “We just made a deal.”
“I haven’t decided if I want to honor it,” I say it in the same way he taunted me earlier.
“Nel, I was just teasing—”
“The choices. Now. You said I can request it anytime I want.”
A vein in his temple pulses.
“Fine,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “Ten.”
“Close your eyes,” I quickly demand.
He raises one dark brow.
“Vampires have compulsion, don’t they?” I say in a controlled voice. “Maybe the choice I made this evening wasn’t mine after all.”
There is something like devastation on his face. Svenn was thrilled when he thought I had chosen him. Now he looks as if I had carved out the memory straight from his heart with a dagger. He seems distraught for a moment, restless even.
I keep my face straight, waiting for him to close his eyes.
Slowly, he shutters them.
“Ten.”
He begins the countdown. “Nine.”
“Eight.”
His voice begins to waver. “Seven.”
“Six.”
I hear the small hitch in his breath. “Five.”
“Four.”
He looks as if he might actually choke on the next number. It’s cruel to let him continue, so I give him my answer.
“I want you to return me to Windhaven.” My throat tightens as I say those words.
He opens his eyes.
I’ve never killed a person, but this must be what it’s like to take someone’s life. Because that look on his face is like I just brought about an apocalypse to his world.
Part of me hates doing this to him, but I need to set my limit. He can’t push me past this one.
“I also want you to stay with me.” I quickly add because I don’t like hurting him. The simple words bring a seed of light back into his face.
“My freedom or you? You gave me a cruel choice.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Why can’t I have both?”
Silence settles in the room and stretches.
“You freed me from my prison. I thought I’d free you from yours,” he finally says.
I ignore the way my heart clenches in response to the rawness in his voice. At the very core, I know he means well.
“I’m not like the bond. I won’t force you to stay with me if you don’t want to.” His voice thickens like smoke. “But I do want you to be happy. Go on, open your bakery, Nel. Visit the places you want to go, read the books you love to read. Live freely from the things that bind you. I’ll help you get the things you want.”
The beautiful dream he painted plays in my head. My own bakery. An unlimited free time to do whatever I want—to dance, to paint, to travel to any place I wish with someone I adore.
Him.
I swallow the hot coals in my throat and find my voice. “The things you promised me are everything I’ve ever wanted. But I don’t want it.”
“Why?”
I hold my chin high. “Because I didn’t choose it for myself. You set that path for me.”
That must have struck something in him because it renders him speechless.
“I merely offered you a shortcut.” He swallows thickly.
“I need to tread my own course in my journey, in my own time,” I say as firmly as I can.
“What if the current path you want to walk on is dark, dangerous, filled with thorns, barbs, and deceit?”
“You still have to let me walk through it.”
There.
I’ve said all there is to say.
We stare at one another for a long beat. I don’t cower beneath his pointed gaze.
“I get it,” he says quietly at long last. “Now come back to me.”
A deep longing wars in my chest but I fight it. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.
He needs to understand that this is wrong, that he can’t lock me here.
“My own path,” I insist.
“Fine,” he grits the words between his teeth. “Can I walk with you on that path?”
My lips quiver at the offer.
But I say nothing.
I don’t trust my own voice.
His hands tremble, inching closer towards me. I see his desperation and need. I’m only covered by this blanket over my shoulders. He can easily pounce at me and fulfill his darkest fantasies.
He tries to catch my eyes again. “Little fawn, please come back to me.”
I shake my head, hiding my head on my knees. I’m channeling Blaire’s stubbornness right now.
“I’m sorry about the dress. I’ll get you new ones,” he promises. “With pockets.”
I fight the smile tugging my lips. The tormented sound of his voice prompts me to look at him. His eyes are full of apology and remorse. “Forgive me, Nel.”
I inhale deeply through my nose and exhale slowly.
A storm rages outside, and Svenn had just died today. That’s the only excuse I’ll allow myself for staying the night. I simply won’t have it if this situation continues tomorrow.
I’ll run away.
But for now, I wrap my hand around his neck and slide into his lap.
His features ease in the slightest with relief.
“I’m—I’m only holding you because it’s convenient for the bond,” I say quickly, keeping my face hard.
Svenn nods in understanding.
He pulls me towards him until there isn’t an ounce of space between us. The exhaustion of diving into the ocean and healing Ksatka is creeping up on me. I rest my cheek on his rigid chest and try to relax.
It’s impossible, but I try.
The castle is old and every creaking noise bothers me. My skin prickles at the scratching sound behind the metallic door. Another banging and my heart rate shoots up to the sky.
Svenn’s hand lands on my exposed ear, covering it ever so gently. My heart beats out of rhythm at the gesture.
“Don’t worry, Nel. I’ll protect you from that gingerbread fucker,” he says in a low voice.
It’s just a silly superstition. I don’t even really believe that anymore, but I like that he remembers that little detail about me.
Svenn drops a kiss on top of my head and whispers, “Nothing will harm you. I’m here, little fawn.”
I nod to his promise.
He is like a warm cocoon, shielding me from the monsters and darkness of the world. The heavy weight of doom has lifted a little, leaving me feeling lighter.
I reach up and cup his face in my hands for one last time before sleep claims me. I hope this guilt in his eyes is real and my friend is back.
Come home, Svenn.