Chapter 28
AS SOON AS SUPPER WAS over Sunday evening, Ivan excused himself, saying he needed some fresh air and was going for a ride with his horse and open buggy.
Ivan definitely needed some time away from the house, so it wasn’t an exaggeration.
Maybe the ride alone would clear his mind sufficiently for him to find the appropriate words to say to Emma.
Maggie was right behind him as he approached the back door. “Will you be gone very long?”
“Probably not. Do you need me to do something before I leave?”
“Not really,” she responded. “I was just wondering if you’re leaving for a while so you don’t have to spend the rest of the evening with me and the baby.”
Ivan shook his head. “It has nothing to do with you or the baby. I just need to take a ride somewhere.” He wasn’t about to tell Maggie that the reason he was leaving was to see his girlfriend so he could end his relationship with her.
What good would that do anyway? Ivan figured Maggie probably wouldn’t even care how hard it was for him to give up his relationship with Emma.
Her motive for coming here was to find the baby’s father and guilt him into marrying her.
Well, Maggie need not worry. Ivan would keep true to his word and do what was right.
If for no one else, he owed it to his son.
“Oh, okay,” Maggie said. “I hope you enjoy your ride.”
“If you should need anything while I’m gone, just ask my mamm or one of my sisters. I’m sure one of them will be available to help you.”
Maggie took a step toward Ivan and reached out a hand, like she might touch him, but then she lowered her arm.
“Jah, I’m sure one of them will help me.
In fact, your mamm is holding Stephen right now.
” She paused a few seconds and added, “If you’re not back before I go to the guest room with the baby for the night, I’ll see you in the morning. ”
“You may not be up by the time I leave for work,” Ivan said.
“What kind of work do you do at the harness shop?” Maggie asked. “You’ve never really explained it to me.”
“I make and repair harnesses, but my daed owns the shop. I also repair clocks and pocket watches in my spare time.”
She tipped her head to one side and blinked. “That’s an unusual hobby. It is just a hobby, right?”
“For now, at least.” Ivan paused and then turned and opened the back door. “I’m heading out now. Goodbye, Maggie.” He went out and closed the door behind him, unaware of whether she’d responded or not.
As Ivan approached the Herschbergers’ house, his throat thickened at the prospect of telling Emma that they had no future together.
It wasn’t fair that he would never have the opportunity of asking Emma to marry him.
But then it wasn’t fair that Maggie should be expected to raise her baby alone—especially when her parents had asked her to take the baby and leave.
How could anyone have abandoned their daughter and grandson? Ivan asked himself. Even though Ivan’s parents didn’t approve of what he and Maggie had done, they had been sensitive to their needs and had offered them a place to live, even after they were married.
What’s it gonna be like, being married to someone I don’t even know well, much less feel any love for?
Ivan gripped his horse’s reins even harder.
Dear Lord, is there even a chance that I can learn to love Maggie?
Ivan asked as his thoughts turned to a heartfelt prayer.
I’ll have to rely on You to help me become a good father and husband, who will treat my wife and baby with love and understanding.
Please help me now, as I speak with Emma.
Give me the right words when I tell her the truth.
After Ivan guided his rig up the driveway and to the hitching rail, he got out and secured his horse.
With his neck bent forward and his shoulders curved, he trudged up the front steps and knocked on the door.
If Emma was free to go for a ride with him, Ivan knew that it would be their last buggy ride together, and that thought turned his stomach.
In short order, the door opened, and Marlin poked his head out. “Well, if it isn’t Ivan Yoder. Since you weren’t at church today, we figured you must be sick.”
Sick at heart, Ivan thought, but he didn’t voice the words. Instead, he forced himself to stand up straight and said, “I wasn’t feeling the best this morning, so I stayed home in bed.” Ivan paused for a breath. “But now I’m here, and I need to see Emma. Is she available?”
“Yep.” Marlin turned away from Ivan and hollered, “Emma, your boyfriend’s come to pay a call on you.”
If only it was as simple as that. Ivan wished he had some water to drink, for his throat felt extremely dry.
“I’ll go check on Emma,” Marlin said, glancing back at Ivan.
“She might be in her room, or maybe she and her grandma are in the kitchen getting another helping of the blueberry cobbler the two of them made yesterday.” He grinned and patted his belly.
“That granddaughter of ours has turned out to be quite a good cook. Emma came here knowing little or nothing about cooking or sewing, but she’ll return to her parents’ home more than ready for marriage.
” He winked at Ivan and said, “Come on in and make yourself comfortable till Emma shows up. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you.
” With that, Marlin pivoted around once more and headed on down the hall in the direction of the kitchen.
Ivan’s strides slowed as he walked into the house and leaned against the wall a few feet from the entrance. I bet once Emma hears what I have to say, she won’t be glad I came over at all.
Ivan leaned away from the wall and was about to take a seat in the living room when Emma showed up, all smiles. “Ivan, it made me happy when Grandpa said you were here. With you not being in church today, I figured you might be grank, and I was worried about you.”
“I didn’t feel so great, but I wasn’t actually sick,” he responded. “I came over here this evening, hoping you could take a ride with me in my open carriage. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“That sounds nice, and I’m glad you’re not ill. I’ll go check with my grandparents to make sure they’re okay with me being gone for a while.” Emma gave Ivan another heart-melting smile and headed back to the kitchen.
Ivan clutched his arms to his chest. The shame he felt over the part he’d had in Maggie’s pregnancy was nothing compared to the dread and pain he felt now about the confession he would soon be making to Emma.
He hoped she would be able to forgive him and move on with her life once she found a more suitable boyfriend who could offer her the happiness she deserved.
Emma settled herself on the buggy seat next to Ivan and grinned as he guided his horse and buggy out onto the road.
The clip-clop of the horse’s hooves, mixed with the soothing sound of crickets, could have lulled her to sleep if she hadn’t been so excited to spend a few hours with the young man she’d come to love so much.
She looked forward to more buggy rides like this before summer’s end and hoped with all her heart that her parents would be okay with her remaining in Arthur into the fall, and perhaps even staying here permanently if Ivan should propose marriage.
I know Mom, Dad, and Rachel would miss me if I did end up staying in Arthur, but Shipshewana isn’t really that far away.
At least we could schedule visits and write letters to keep in touch.
That’s how it is when a person meets someone from outside their Amish community, or even in another state, she mused.
But those involved learn to accept it and schedule visits as often as possible.
Aware that Ivan was unusually quiet, Emma glanced over at him, wondering if she should say something to get a conversation going.
When more time passed without Ivan speaking, Emma plunged ahead. “It’s sure a lovely evening, don’t you think?”
“Jah, weather-wise it’s real nice.”
Ivan lapsed into another period of silence, and Emma wondered why he wasn’t as talkative as usual this evening. It wasn’t like him to be so quiet. Ivan had said earlier that he wanted to talk to her about something. If that was still the case, then why hadn’t he spoken right up?
Emma waited awhile, thinking surely Ivan would say something to her, but his silence continued.
She shifted on her seat while fingering the ties on her head covering.
Finally, when she could stand it no longer, Emma blurted, “I thought you had something to talk to me about, Ivan. If that’s so, then why are you being so quiet? ”
“I … uh … am looking for a good place to stop my horse and buggy so we can talk. I’m sorry, Emma.” He scraped a hand through the back of his hair. “What I have to tell you is a serious matter, and I don’t want to be concentrating on the road or my horse while I say it.”
A serious matter? Emma couldn’t imagine what that could be, but then a hopeful thought popped into her head. Is it possible that Ivan might be planning to propose marriage to me? Could that be why he’s acting so nervous?
Emma’s pulse quickened as she reflected on the possibility that he wanted her to be his wife. But we haven’t known each other very long, she reminded herself. Ivan doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would rush into something as serious as marriage.
She tapped a finger against her chin. Unless he’s worried that once I return to Shipshewana, I might forget about him.
Maybe I should put Ivan’s mind at ease by telling him that I plan to ask my parents if they would mind if I stayed here a few more months.
That would certainly give Ivan and me more time to establish a stronger relationship.