Chapter 28 #2
Emma decided to remain quiet until Ivan found a wide spot to pull off, and then she would tell him her plan. Even when no words were exchanged, Emma loved spending time with Ivan, although part of her was eager to hear what he planned to tell her.
They rode another mile or so before the perfect place to pull off emerged into view, and Emma was relieved when Ivan guided his horse in that direction. Once the horse and buggy were stopped, Ivan turned to Emma and said, “I’m ready to tell you what I need to say now.”
Emma noticed that he was not looking at her. Instead, Ivan’s focus seemed to be on his hands. She couldn’t help but observe the way he gripped the reins so tight that the veins in his hands protruded.
Fussing with the sleeve of her dress, Emma held her breath. A tingling sensation swept along her shoulders as she waited to see what he would say next.
Ivan cleared his throat a few times, and without looking at her, he said, “I brought you here to tell you something I don’t really want to say.”
Emma clasped her hands tightly in her lap as worry and dread took over. If Ivan was going to propose, surely he wouldn’t have said that he didn’t really want to say what he was going to tell her.
I don’t know why, but I have a horrible feeling that Ivan is about to break up with me.
Ivan reached over and clasped Emma’s hand that was closest to him. “It pains me to say this, Emma, but our relationship has to end—now.”
“How come?” Emma could barely get the words out.
“Because I have to marry another woman, and it will happen before the year is out.”
Emma flinched and withdrew her hand. “You—you have another girlfriend? Is that it, Ivan? Have you been seeing her secretly all this time you and I have been courting?”
“No, it’s not like that. You see …”
A knot formed in Emma’s stomach, and a deep, heavy feeling settled in her limbs as she sat stiff as a board, listening to Ivan tell her about a young woman named Maggie, who he’d met at a friend’s party nine and a half months ago.
He’d gone on to say that he’d been drinking that night, and although he had no memory of much of anything that took place, he had apparently fathered a child.
With every word Ivan continued to say, Emma cringed, and by the time he’d finished, she felt sick to her stomach and wanted to leap from the buggy and run as far away from him as she could possibly get.
But where would she go? They’d driven several miles from her grandparents’ house, and the sun was beginning to set.
It wouldn’t be safe for her to try walking that distance alone.
“I’m really sorry, Emma,” Ivan said, his voice trembling. “I didn’t want to tell you any of this, but there was no way I could keep it to myself or continue courting you under the circumstances. I wish things were so much different, but the choices I’ve made in my past can’t be undone.”
Emma didn’t respond. What could she really say? Ivan was a father, and he had a responsibility to the baby—and to the child’s mother. There would be no marriage proposal from the man she loved. Instead, before the year was out, Ivan and Maggie would be married.
They sat quietly for several moments, and then Ivan spoke again. “It’s you I love, Emma. I have no feelings for Maggie, except compassion. But I know I must do the right thing and marry the mother of my child once Maggie and I have both joined the Amish church.”
When Emma thought she could speak without choking up, she replied in a firm voice, “You’re doing the right thing, of course.
” She paused to gain control of her swirling emotions.
No way could she allow herself to break down in front of Ivan.
That would only make their parting worse.
“Would you please get the horse and buggy moving again? I need to get back to Grandma and Grandpa’s house before the sky darkens and they begin to worry about me. ”
“I’m worried about you right now,” Ivan said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“There’s no need for you to worry. I’ll be all right once I get back to Shipshewana, where I belong. I never should have left home. My place is there, and it always was. You and I should never have met.”
Although Emma’s heart was broken and tears had begun streaming down her face, she knew that Ivan must do what was right and become a church member so he could marry the mother of his child.
Come morning, Emma would pack her bags and make plans for her trip home to her parents.
Even though the summer wasn’t over yet, she could not stay here now.
Her place was in Indiana with her family and friends.
Mama had been right when she’d told Emma at the beginning of summer that she would return home a different person.
Although Emma had successfully learned new tasks while living with her grandparents, she couldn’t feel good about any of it.
Instead, it seemed that her whole world had been torn apart.
All the way back to her grandparents’ house, stillness fell between them as the fields were enveloped in lengthy silhouettes from the waning sun.
All Emma could think about was how she had foolishly given her heart to Ivan, only to have it torn asunder.
At this moment, Emma doubted that she would ever trust another man or allow herself to fall in love again.
Emma’s thoughts continued to race as she reflected on all the times she had spent with Ivan over the past few months.
Clasping her quivering fingers to her lips in an attempt to squelch the sob that threatened to break forth, she held her teeth tightly together.
In the back of her mind, even when she and Ivan began courting, she’d thought at times that it was all too good to be true.
Emma squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed multiple times.
Now she knew fully how hurt her sister had been when David dropped her for another woman.
The only difference was, David was not a father, and as far as Emma knew, he had no plans to marry Alice.
In fact, from what David had said to Rachel when he’d come to see her while she was still at their grandparents’ house, he had never stopped loving Rachel and wanted her back.
So she’s the lucky one after all, Emma told herself. There’s a good chance my sister and her ex-boyfriend will get back together. But for me and Ivan, there is no possibility of that. He will move forward with a wife and baby, and I’ll remain unmarried for the rest of my life.