Chapter 28
JORDAN
“Got it!” Colton exclaims, watching the small orange flame at the center of the fire pit grow… only to die out moments later. He grumbles. Colton’s the biggest outdoorsman of our group, and tonight, his inability to light a fire is evidence that his mind is elsewhere.
He gives it another two tries before Ji steps in with a fire log and gets a solid flame burning. Colton sulks to his camping chair and flops into it.
It’s Colton’s last night in Colorado before he heads back to Yale. His one request was to have a bonfire with our friend group before he leaves. On any other night, Colton would be bolstered by the outdoors, but not tonight. He’s not exactly excited to go back to law school. Not when it means he’s one step closer to walking in his dad’s political shoes.
The fire begins to dance and crackle as it increases in volume, staving off the unusually chilly night that reminds us all that fall is just around the corner. Ji crouches by the fire, poking at logs with a long stick, as Missy pulls her phone out and says, “Alright, y’all, look like we’re not freezing our butts off,” before snapping a selfie of all of us.
Paige shuffles toward me. So many layers of blankets are draped around her shoulders that she’s like a human lasagna. When she stands in front of me, she gives me the most adorable smile before burying her pink nose in my neck.
“Ah, your nose is freezing,” I say, drawing back.
“I know. Warm it up, please?” She’s all doe-eyed, and I doubt there is anything I wouldn’t do for her when she looks at me that way.
I open the blanket around my shoulders to encircle her and her many layers. “Fine,” I grumble, but can’t resist a smile when she nuzzles into me again like she’s Cabby Cat.
“So much better,” she sighs into me.
“Ack, you guys are sickeningly sweet,” Ji says, standing up from the fire and sitting in the camping chair beside Colton.
Paige turns in my arms so she’s facing everyone. She leans against my chest, and I continue to encircle her, holding the hand that peeks outside of her blankets.
“I guess we’re lucky this didn’t happen in high school, or else we’d have endured seven years of their mush,” Colton says.
“Oh please, let’s not forget your relationship with Cami D.,” I tease.
Everyone groans.
Cami D. was Colton’s girlfriend for six unbearable months during our junior year of high school. She had the clinginess of plastic wrap with all the appeal of a ringworm.
Colton shrugs. “She wasn’t that bad.”
“Are you serious?” Ji gives a short laugh. “She gave you a list of girls she wanted you to unfollow from Instagram because they were ‘prettier’ than her.”
Missy nods. “Ick, that was so cringy.”
“I didn’t see you guys complaining when she deemed you the ‘pretty ones,’” Colton says.
I chuckle. “Yeah, that was nice of her.”
“Seriously, she wasn’t that bad,” Colton says. “But do you know who was? Langdon Briggs.”
Ji gasps and smacks the back of Colton’s head. “I liked him for all of two seconds,” she says.
“Was that before or after you kissed him by the dumpsters at prom?” Colton asks.
Paige starts laughing, and I can’t help but join her as everyone jumps on the whose high school relationship was worse bandwagon.
“Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t date in high school,” Paige says, tilting her head up to mine. “Nobody has anything on us.”
I tighten my hold on Paige. “I would give a lot more than an embarrassing story over a campfire if it meant I got to date you in high school.”
Paige smiles a full-dimple smile, and I press a kiss to the crown of her head, reminding myself that she’s here. That somehow, after all these years, we’re together.
This has, hands down, been the best week of my life. You would think after knowing Paige for so long, I would know the extent of what it was like to be surrounded by her. She’s always been a calming force in my life, but ever since I opened up to her about my worries and fears, she’s stepped beside me in all her strength, letting me lean into her. She is strong, and brilliant, and pure sunlight.
Paige lifts our entwined fingers to her lips and places a kiss on the back of my hand. I revel in the warmth of her perfect lips on my skin, just one more thing I love about our new relationship. Paige doesn’t hold back her love and affection, and I can’t believe I’m the guy who is the recipient of that.
“Jordan, I saw your mom and Dan at Hobby Lobby yesterday,” Ji says, changing the group topic to something more benign. “Dan was helping her pick out quilting material for her next project. It was the cutest thing.”
“The way he was looking at your mama when they were dancing at the gala,” Missy says. “And the way he’s so sweet and attentive toward her.”
Paige chimes in, and all three of them gush about Mom and Dan. They’re talking about them like they’re the new it couple. If I’m being honest, they are pretty good together. And by pretty good, I mean they’re like two lovesick teenagers. These days, I feel like Mom’s out with Dan more than she’s at home. But I can’t complain because Mom’s not just happy these days—she’s giddy. Knowing that Dan takes such good care of her has eased up some of the tightness in my chest that’s been building over the course of several years.
“Should we play some music?” Paige asks.
“Hmm? What song would be perfect for Colton right at this moment? Something that says ‘brooding Yale man,’” I say loud enough for Colton to hear us over the snapping fire.
Colton looks over and scowls at us.
Paige and I chuckle.
“I think some Billy Joel would do him some good,” Paige says.
“‘Piano Man’?” I ask, trying to guess the song she’s thinking.
“Ding-ding.”
“Perfect.” I grin. “Colton can wallow in misery with the best of them.”
“I’m not wallowing.” Colton readjusts himself in his chair so he doesn’t look so defeated. “I’m contemplating the delicate nature of life.”
“Spoken like a true politician,” I say.
That earns me another glare.
“I think he needs that song, stat.” Ji laughs.
I walk the few yards to where all of our cars are parked, and when I’ve got “Piano Man” pouring from my car speakers, I look back to our group and find a smile spreading on Colton’s face. Sometimes hearing a song about how miserable life can be is just the thing to make you realize your own isn’t so bad. Once again, music works its magic.
Missy’s car door closes behind me, and I swing around, startled by her sudden appearance next to me.
“Sorry, just grabbing my jacket from my car,” Missy says.
“How did you sneak up so quietly? I didn’t even hear you open your door,” I say.
“I can be sneaky when I want to be.” Missy grins.
From our spot several yards away from the fire pit, I hear Paige’s melodic laughter. Just the sound is enough to bring a smile to my face.
“You know, it’s so good to see you two dating,” Missy says. “I’ve never seen Paige so happy. And that’s huge—I’ve known her for about a decade now. Can I just say how happy I am that you’re keeping her here?”
I get what Missy is saying, but I cringe at her words. I’m keeping Paige here. It sounds like I’ve taken Paige hostage.
Though this week has been one for the books, thoughts like these keep needling me in the back of my brain, reminding me that our being together comes at a cost, and right now, Paige is the only one paying the price. She’s giving up her dream job and a climate that is warm all year round so that we can work. I try to remind myself what Paige told me to remember at times like this —that she chooses me. That she chooses us. But even though my worries fade with her words, I know my anxiety is only waiting to pop back up at a later time.
“I would have missed her too much if she went to California,” Missy continues. “But she’s here for good now. I mean, she hasn’t technically turned it down yet, but soon enough.”
“Turned down?” I ask. As far as I know, Paige hasn’t technically been offered the Z3 job.
Missy blanches, and her eyes dart away from mine and toward the fire pit.
“Missy, what do you know?”
“What do I know? Nothing.”
“Missy.” I eye her.
Missy scrunches her nose. “Paige got offered the job on Wednesday.” She grimaces, looking repentant. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”
“I didn’t.” I swallow.
Missy puts her hand on my arm, her eyes softening. “She probably just thought you already knew her answer. I mean, we can all see it. She’d choose your relationship over anything else, Jordan.”
Just then, Paige rounds the car, asking if I’ve seen her phone. I reach into the front seat of my car, where I saw it sitting moments earlier, and feed it to her hand that’s poking out of her curtain of blankets.
“Thanks,” Paige says, watching Missy fidget. “You okay, Missy?”
Missy must take this as her cue to leave because she walks around us, mouthing, “Sorry.”
Paige looks confused.
My feet shift around, making shoe prints in the dirt. “You got offered the job.”
“Oh.” Paige looks back at Missy’s retreating form. “I did.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I’m not mad at Paige. After all, I’m pretty sure I can guess why she didn’t.
Paige sighs before looking up at me with furrowed brows. “I didn’t think I needed to tell you because you already know my answer, and it’s not changing. The only reason why I haven’t turned down the job yet is because Z3 wanted me to take some time to think about it before I give them an answer. And…” She takes a breath. “And because I didn’t want you to worry.”
I put my hands on her padded shoulders before brushing back a strand of hair that’s broken loose from her ponytail and tucking it behind her ear. “Paige, I don’t want you ever to feel like you can’t tell me things that happen in your life. You are there for me more than you know. And I want to be there for you, too. I want to celebrate with you. Even if you’re not accepting Z3, I want to celebrate the fact that you got the job. That they see what I see in you—this creative, talented woman who will be a killer advertising executive one day.”
Paige sniffles, but I don’t know if she’s crying because of my words or because some part of her really wants to accept Z3.
I close my eyes and feel the pain prick inside me once again. Of course she wants the job. And I want that for Paige. I want her to feel more valued at work than she is here. I want her to visit beaches on every continent. I want her to live where she wants and not freeze in the mountains of Colorado.
Paige must see the turn in my thoughts because she wraps both her arms around my waist, letting some of the blankets around her fall to the dusty ground. “I choose you, Jordan. Remember that. I want to be with you.”
In her warmth, I am overwhelmed by her goodness and patience. She deserves everything she wants. Not just me but a future in California, too.
For one brief moment, I imagine Paige and me in California together, just like we planned so many years ago. I imagine us waking up early and strolling the beach. I imagine us going to the trendy restaurants she loves. I imagine teaching her how to surf. The compilation of images goes on and on, and the rightness of what I imagine is so perfect that I nearly forget why I’ve been resistant to it this whole time.
But sure enough, that familiar guilt tugs at my conscience, pulling me out of my elusive daydream. Mom. I can’t leave Mom. She would be alone.
But no… No, she wouldn’t. Mom wouldn't be alone. Dan would be here with her.
Dan, who takes such good care of my mom, he’s practically rendered me completely useless these past couple weeks. Dan’s got a sixth sense where my mom’s health is concerned. He doesn’t smother her but is just there, quietly anticipating her needs in a way I wish I had learned years ago. If things work out for Dan and Mom, I wonder if Mom will ever need me again.
That thought barrels into me like a breakaway train. What if Mom really doesn’t need me around? If she has Dan here to check in on her and make sure she is looked after, then maybe… I let a foreign idea simmer and grow inside me until it fans out, spreading hope through my body like someone injected a stream of sunshine straight into my veins. This time, when I picture Paige’s and my future, I’m not as filled with anxiety; instead, the joy this image creates fills me inside, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.
“Are you okay?” Paige looks at me curiously.
“Yes, I am definitely okay,” I say, still stunned by this epiphany.
“I’m sorry for not telling you.” She looks up at me with sincere green eyes.
“It’s okay. I’m just going to start calling you ‘babe’ from now on,” I say, remembering how much she hates it.
Paige scowls at me, and I smile.
“Don’t you dare,” she says.
“C’mon, babe.” I reach out my hand to take hers, but she scoops up her mound of blankets and strides away with a look of defiance.
I love this girl.
I’m about to say as much when I stop myself. I love Paige—no question about that—but before I say the words, I want to be positive I can give her the future she deserves. A future I’m just starting to believe is possible.
For that to happen, however, I need to have a long discussion with my business partner, Rob.