Chapter 9
THEA
The chilly mountain air brushes over my skin as we walk through the vines the next morning.
This is the only place I’ve been besides Florida, but I can’t imagine anywhere more beautiful.
The surrounding mountains stretch out before us, smooth rolling peaks that remind me of the Atlantic Ocean on a clear day.
We’re a small group compared to yesterday’s family-wide game, and it’s like I’m under a microscope. Diana’s eyes have been boring into me for an hour.
Owen’s uncle talks us through the history of the grapes, encouraging us to grab one off the vine and pop it into our mouths.
I snatch it greedily, raising it to my nose to inhale the gorgeous, fruity smell before slipping it between my lips …
and immediately regret it. The skin is thick, and when it bursts in my mouth, the bitter taste takes root in a way I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of.
I share a look with Addy, whose face reflects what I’m feeling.
I spit it out on the ground before I can stop myself. If this is what the grapes taste like, what sort of wine will we be subjected to this week? When I look back at Addy, her face is horrified.
“What are you doing?” she cries out, looking around at the group before her eyes land on Dennis and she forces a smile, folding her hands in front of her. “The grape was delicious.”
The group watches us for a handful of seconds before bursting into laughter.
“Wine grapes are notoriously bitter,” Dennis says when he gets control of himself. “We wouldn’t eat them. And if we need to taste them, we do what Thea did—take a sample to test and then spit it out. Sure you’re not an Ellis?”
Dennis gives me a wink, and I feel an overwhelming sense of relief that yet another screwup on my part is working out in my favor. Addy has her fakest smile on, and I know she’s not ready to forgive me for doing something so rude, even with the family laughing about it.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to her.
“It’s fine, Thea,” she says, but the use of my full name lands like a bee sting—sharp, quick, and way more painful than it has any right to be.
Dennis is still laughing as he plucks a grape himself and tosses it up like he’s going to catch it in his mouth, only to nab it from the air before it can land. “Just a bit of hazing for the new family members.”
I know he means Addy and that my qualification as a family member is about my connection to her, but I can’t stop the small pang of longing.
This will be her family soon, and I’ll be on the outside.
Harrison wraps his arms around Addy from behind, nuzzling into her neck and whispering words for her ears only.
She relaxes in his arms, her fake smile fading into something genuine and soft, and I turn away from the intimate moment.
My eyes flick over to Owen, who’s watching me with a small smile of his own.
He walks over and hands me his water bottle.
“Sorry,” he whispers as I tilt the bottle against my lips, steadily ignoring the fact that they’re touching the same place his did a few minutes ago.
I shake my head in mock outrage as I hand it back. “Is there no loyalty?”
“Did the baseball game teach you nothing? Every man for himself in the Ellises.”
His smile grows, and I notice a subtle indent in his cheek.
Not a full dimple. A tease. I ignore the tug inside me that wants to poke and prod to see just how big he’d have to smile to give me the whole thing.
He shifts another inch closer, and his scent wraps around me, something deep and earthy, but with a sweetness underlying it all.
I can’t stop myself from taking in a lungful.
I step away to put some distance between us, a ball of guilt lodging in my throat. My heel catches on something, and I tip backward, my ass and my scraped elbow coming down hard on the path.
Addy rushes over. “Are you okay, Tia?”
I wince, brushing the dirt from the bandage on my elbow. “Can’t seem to keep my feet under me since I got here.”
A hand appears in my periphery, and I glance up to see Owen offering his help with a teasing tilt of his lips. I resist the urge to take it, pushing myself to stand. If this bothers him, I don’t look at him long enough to find out. I’m here to support Addy, not get caught up in Owen.
“I’m fine,” I say to Addy. “It won’t happen again.”
I mean it. No more. No shared smiles. No leaning to catch a whiff of Owen’s signature scent. It’s none of my business if Owen has a dimple when he smiles big enough. I won’t risk my relationship with Addy for anything.
Addy runs up to join Harrison near the front, and I watch as she turns to Diana and Dennis, the forced smile sliding into place.
I want to pop into the group, tell ridiculous jokes until Addy’s facade breaks, revealing her true self below.
I’m so focused on Addy that I don’t realize I’m by myself, a lone gazelle ready to be picked off by the lions.
“Hello, dear,” Owen’s grandmother says as she joins me at the back of the group.
“Hi, Cece,” I say with what I hope isn’t an awkward smile. The two of us haven’t spoken yet on this trip, but she was welcoming the first time I came up. “It’s good to see you again.”
“The feeling’s mutual. Do you mind taking a rest with me? There’s a lovely clearing around the corner of these vines, and my old bones struggle with these hikes.”
I watch in terror as the rest of the group heads up the mountain, leaving us behind. “Shouldn’t we keep up with them? Or at least let them know?”
“I already told them,” she says, tucking my arm through hers and towing me in the other direction. “Plus, I’d like some time to get to know my future granddaughter-in-law.”
“You’re thinking of my sister, not me,” I say, craning my head to see if I can call Addy over.
She waves a hand. “Oh, this old mind of mine. But you’ll do for now.”
Something tells me there’s nothing old about Cece Ellis’s mind, and my stomach churns. She leads me around the edge of the tall vines, and my feet falter.
There’s a cleared slope ahead of us, leaving nothing to interrupt the stunning view.
It’s breathtaking, rolling green mountains with a few houses dotting them, a hint of life amid the wild.
I want to teleport inside one, tucked away from the world.
I can see myself, bundled up under a blanket in the early morning, nothing but me, a cup of coffee, and the mountains.
Cece plops down on the grass with an ease I’d expect from a teenager, not an octogenarian.
Old bones, my ass. She pats the ground next to her, and I gingerly lower myself down.
My nervous system goes on high alert, fortifying myself for a one-on-one I was so clearly manipulated into by the Ellis matriarch.
When she doesn’t speak, I panic, stewing in the silence. Finally, I break. “Your property is gorgeous.”
A smile curves half her mouth, but she keeps her eyes pinned to the horizon. “My slice of paradise.”
“I read the article your son hung up in the lobby. About you starting the vineyard all by yourself.”
She looks at me, and it’s like she can see right through me, into me. I don’t understand why, but I desperately want this woman’s approval. This must be how Addy feels about Diana.
Cece’s head tilts, like she’s weighing the words she’s going to choose next.
“It was hard, leaving behind the life I’d been raised in and the person I’d been told I was.
My father was a powerful man, which came with a lot of privilege but also meant I was supposed to fit a specific mold.
And I was a hellion. I spent most of my life hearing that something—usually everything—was wrong with me. ”
I understand that feeling. Everyone I’ve ever met has found something wrong with me. I was too combative or too closed off. I was never just enough of anything for anyone. But there’s a huge difference between someone being forced into a sexist box and someone who’s just too difficult by nature.
Cece continues. “I spent a lot of time thinking I was broken, but when he was gone and there was no more guilt or pressure, I found who I really was. Found this place. I let myself be healed by the love of this town.”
I can’t stop my eye roll. This isn’t the first time someone has talked to me about how love can fix everything, that if I had just been open to the love of my foster parents, I’d be a much easier, more pleasant person. “Oh yes, I’ve heard all about the healing power of love.”
“You don’t believe in it?”
“No, I don’t. They say anyone can be healed by the magic of love, so if you experience one nice person in a lifetime of assholes and aren’t healed, you’re clearly too fucked up to be helped. It’s a cop-out for society.”
I’m breathing hard by the time I finish. When I look back at Cece, she’s watching me with raised eyebrows.
My stomach sinks, and I scramble to fix it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
Her laughter cuts me off. “Take a breath, dear. I can appreciate a bit of righteous indignation. And I agree that love doesn’t fix everything.
But I think sometimes we get so stuck in who we believe we are—who we’ve been told we are—that coming to a new place without those expectations lets us take a step back.
Giving myself that freedom allowed me to achieve my dreams.”
I look back over the mountains, and we sit in a moment of silence that’s only broken by the chirping of the birds.
“I’ve never had room for dreams,” I say, so quietly I’m not sure the words even left my lips.
“There’s always room for dreams, even if they aren’t achievable in the moment. When we stop letting ourselves dream, we stop living.”
If that’s true, I don’t know if I’ve ever lived. The only thing I’ve ever dreamed of is happiness for Addy, success and fulfillment and the freedom to make the choices she wants instead of the choices she feels are necessary.
Cece lifts both hands, letting them come down on her knees with a clap that echoes off the mountains. “Now, dear, are you going to tell me why you and my grandson are lying about your relationship or not?”
I sputter, and she laughs at whatever she sees on my face.
“What do you mean?” I ask, playing dumb.
“What I mean is you two have never been in a relationship. It’s clear in the way he looks at you. You did not break that boy’s heart.”
The comment feels like a knife to the stomach. I’m not the right fit for Owen, not right for this family, but hearing that it’s so laughably unbelievable that Cece clocked it from the start hurts.
“He doesn’t look at me like he has—or had—feelings for me?”
“Oh, he looks at you like he has some sort of feeling about you. But he doesn’t look like he’s pining for something he’s lost. He looks at you like he’s never had a taste and is desperate for one.
It’s like me at Rita’s now that my doctor’s said I’m not allowed to eat too much fat.
I may miss my favorite fried chicken, but that new item on the menu that would be delicious that I’ll never get to eat is a whole other sort of pain. ”
A laugh bursts out of me, even as heat floods my cheeks. “Oh my god, Cece!”
She chuckles, leaning her elbows on her knees and turning her gaze back to the mountains. “I’m too old not to say what I mean. There’s no time left for bullshit.”
I bury my face in my hands. “This wedding moved so fast that neither of us knew the other was going to be here, and then we just panicked.”
“Can I ask why you two lied to begin with?”
My throat closes around the words because I can’t answer that question anymore.
He gave me the spiel before we came up the first time.
His mom was controlling and emotional and no matter how many times he told her he didn’t want to be set up, she kept pushing.
He needed a break. But now, really getting to know the family, I don’t get it.
I peek at her from behind my hands. “I think that’s a question for Owen.”
I’ve seen more families than most, and none of them have been particularly positive.
I’d stopped believing this type of family existed, big and full and loving.
I don’t know why the lie didn’t bother me the first time.
Maybe I was just so desperate for the money that I put on blinders, but now I can’t unsee the love and trust here.
It feels like what we’re doing is corrupting that.
My jealousy over Owen’s life is a living, breathing thing, slamming against my ribs and begging to be released.
While Owen was busy resenting this beautiful family, Addy and I were surviving, living in a constant state of defensiveness.
No mother invested in our future happiness.
No cousins or aunts or grandparents to watch out for us.
This is the family she deserves, but Owen, with his lies and manipulations, is the one who gets them?
Just then, Owen turns the corner, and my frustration boils over.
He smiles at Cece, something softer in his gaze than when he looks at the rest of his family. “Mom sent me back to check on you.”
She laughs loudly. “Oh yes, I’m sure it’s about checking on me and not about the charming woman keeping me company.” She shoots me a wink and pops up off the ground. “I’m going to head back to the house.”
“Would you like me to walk with you?” I ask, desperate to get away from Owen before I blow up on him.
“I’m much more agile than most would believe, dear. Why don’t you take in the view with my grandson?”
He meets my eyes and gives a little shrug, tilting his head back toward the clearing in invitation.
I don’t want to sit with him. I can barely even look at him, not in this beautiful place full of love that he doesn’t appreciate. But I don’t have an excuse, and Cece is already a dozen feet away from us.
As she’s about to turn back between the rows, she calls out, “Oh, and Owen, do come see me when you get back. I’d love to hear why you’ve been lying to us all for years.”
Owen’s mouth drops open in shock, and I can’t help but feel a surge of satisfaction. He’s still gaping like a fish when Cece disappears from view.