Chapter 24 Theo
THEO
Harper was sitting on a bench several yards away from the patio. She sat still and watched as Theo approached, as if she had known he would be coming. She didn’t get to her feet or make any move to greet him. She simply sat there, waiting for him to join her.
It took a surprising amount of courage for Theo to keep walking toward her.
Even though he wanted to have this conversation, there was a part of him that still wanted to turn and run away.
There was no telling what she would say.
What if she was angry with him? After all, the communication between the two of them had never been great.
There were other things that had been great, but talking had always been a bit of a struggle.
Then again, there was that one night. That night they had dropped their guard and spoken to one another as friends.
As more than friends. The night the baby she now carried had been conceived.
Theo wondered if that night would always seem special and magical to him.
He couldn’t deny that something had changed between the two of them when they had found themselves stranded here at this very venue.
“Can I sit down?” He moved toward the bench and gestured to the spot next to her.
She shrugged, but she moved to the right a little bit to make a space for him.
Theo sat down. “Are you all right?”
“I just came out here to get some air. I’m fine.”
“I meant because of what happened before. I could tell how shocked you were when Tara said what she did. I’m sorry that happened.”
Harper looked at him. “You could tell I was shocked? You’re the one who stormed out of the room.”
“I didn’t storm out. I just walked out.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to split hairs about this. You and I need to have a conversation.”
Her whole body seemed to deflate. “You don’t have to tell me,” she said.
“I don’t?”
“You made it pretty obvious. I mean, what Tara said… it’s true. I think you guessed that. And I think you guessed that you’re the father.”
“I did.”
“I can see how you feel about that,” she said. “You don’t have to explain it to me.”
“I’m not trying to explain it to you. I’m not here to tell you that I’m upset with you, Harper. You didn’t plan this any more than I did.”
“But I’m happy about it.” She turned to face him, and he saw that she had tears in her eyes.
“That’s what you have to understand, Theo.
It took me some time to settle into the way I felt, but I’m happy.
And what I don’t want is for you to see it as some sort of problem that needs to be overcome.
If that’s how you feel about it, then I think you and I should go our separate ways right now. ”
“That isn’t how I feel,” Theo said quietly.
“Of course it is. You don’t want any of these things, Theo.
I’ve always wanted a committed relationship.
I’ve always wanted to be a mother. This is unpredictable and frightening, but this is what I’ve wanted my life to look like.
But for you, that isn’t true. You want to be on your own.
You don’t want a child.” She inhaled deeply, and he felt her tremble beside him.
“You don’t want a relationship. And there’s no way for you and me to do this together without it being some kind of relationship.
Even if there was nothing romantic about it, we would be committing to one another for life because we would always have a child in common. I know you don’t want that.”
“Harper…”
“No, don’t argue with me. You told me that wasn’t what you wanted.
You were clear with me about it. And I don’t blame you for that.
There’s nothing wrong with that choice. It just means that you and I are not compatible in terms of what’s going to happen next, and there’s no point in pretending otherwise.
So, I appreciate you coming out here to have this conversation with me, Theo, but you can go.
I don’t think there’s anything you’re going to say that I haven’t already guessed at. ”
“You know, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” Theo pivoted slightly on the bench so that he could face her more directly. “You think you have me all figured out, but you don’t, Harper.”
“I’m talking about things you told me directly. We talked about it. You said that this wasn’t something you wanted.”
“I know what I said.”
“Well, you can’t tell me that that’s changed.”
“But it has changed,” Theo insisted. “I don’t blame you for doubting me.
I don’t blame you for being surprised. I wouldn’t have believed it either if someone had told me that my feelings were going to change like this.
But they really have. And I’m sorry that I walked away from you back there.
There’s no excuse for that, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. ”
“You were startled. Shocked. I don’t know. Maybe I would’ve done the same thing if I’d been in your shoes.”
“The point is, I gave myself a moment to think about it. I would have thought that it would take me more than a moment. I would have thought that I would need weeks to process this information and to decide how it made me feel. But that hasn’t been the case all.”
“What do you mean?”
“The moment I really considered it, I knew that I had to be a part of this,” Theo said. “That’s partly because of the way my father treated my family. I can’t do that to you. And if I have a child, I can’t do that to my child.”
“Well, I don’t want you to stick with us out of some misguided desire to overcome your past.” Harper got to her feet and walked a few yards away from him.
She turned to face him. “I know you struggle with what your father did to your family. I don’t blame you for that.
But I don’t want you to stay with me because you’re trying to prove a point.
You’re a better man than your father was, no matter what you do now.
You didn’t ask for this responsibility. You’re not required to do anything. ”
“I understand that. That isn’t what I’m saying.”
“Then what are you saying?”
Theo threw up his hands. “I’m saying I want to be part of this,” he exclaimed.
“I know it sounds like I’m making that up.
It doesn’t feel like the kind of thing I would’ve ever imagined myself saying.
I almost feel like I’ve become someone else in the past half hour.
But I can’t deny the way I feel. When I think of you and my baby, when I think of that picture without me in it…
that’s devastating. If that’s what’s going to happen, then I have to be a part of it.
If this child is going to be born, then I need to know them.
I need to be part of their life. I need to be able to watch them grow up, to know who they are as a person.
If you’re having my baby, then I need to be a father. ”
Harper tensed. “I want to believe you mean that,” she whispered.
“I do mean it.” Theo got to his feet as well and walked over to her. He thought she might back away, but she didn’t.
He reached out slowly, feeling almost as if she were an animal who might be spooked by his actions, and took her hand.
She still didn’t pull away.
“Harper,” he said, “we’re in this together. If you’ll have me, I want to be in this with you.”
Her eyes were shining with tears. Her whole body trembled. “I just can’t believe I’m hearing you say this,” she said. “Please don’t say it to me if you don’t really mean it.”
“More than anything I’ve ever meant in my life, I mean this,” Theo told her. He was surprised himself by how easy it was to say, but it was the truth.
Harper took his other hand. The two of them stood facing one another. Theo was viscerally reminded of the moment a few hours ago when his brother and Tara had stood together just like this. Facing one another. Facing the future.
He had never wanted to marry. He still didn’t know if that was something he wanted, or if it was something he would be willing to offer. But he did want this future. He wanted Harper. He wanted their child. The rest could be figured out along the way.
“So, we’re doing this?” Harper whispered. “You’re really in?”
“I’m all the way in,” Theo said. “We’re going to be a family. Whatever else we may be, whatever you and I are to one another, we are at least going to be that. And I’ll commit to that for as long as we live.”
She breathed in sharply.
They hadn’t promised one another anything romantic, and yet this moment required something more. And besides, they had been distant from each other for far too long. Standing here, face-to-face with her, all Theo wanted was to bridge that distance. He couldn’t resist.
He pulled her close so that her body was flush against his and wrapped his arms around her.
The scent of her overwhelmed him. It took him back to the night they had spent together.
It was hard to believe so much time had gone by.
It felt like they were still there, on that magical night that had changed everything.
“What do we do now?” Harper asked him. Her voice was soft and breathless. She didn’t sound like herself at all. She sounded undone.
“Now I’m going to kiss you,” Theo murmured.
He forced himself to wait three seconds. They were the longest three seconds of his life. But he needed to give her a chance to break away from him, to step back and say no if that wasn’t what she wanted. He needed to feel that she was as eager to move forward with this as he was.
Harper didn’t pull away.
So, Theo bent down and found her lips with his.
They were every bit as soft as he remembered, warm and yielding.
He let himself sink into the kiss as if he were falling into a nest of blankets.
He held her tightly, crushing her body against him, reveling in the warmth of her.
And she kissed him back with just as much enthusiasm.
If this was what the future was going to look like, Theo thought, then the future was looking very bright indeed.
They separated after some time. Theo couldn’t have said how much time had actually gone by.
He had lost track of it in the pleasure of the kiss.
But now Harper looked up at him, and the tears were gone from her eyes, replaced by a sweet, contented smile.
She let go of one of his hands, but kept hold of the other, as if needing to make sure that he stayed near her.
She had nothing to worry about on that front. Theo had no intention of going anywhere.
“I’d love to stay out here with you,” Harper said. “I’d like to stay out here forever.”
“Let’s do that.” He smiled to show that he was kidding.
“We’ve got to get back to the reception,” Harper laughed. “People are going to be missing us. And now more than ever, I really want to dance with you tonight.”