Chapter 23 Theo
THEO
Theo’s head was spinning.
If you’re going to be a father, Max had said — but how could Max possibly have come to terms with that information so quickly?
How could he have processed it so fast? To Theo, it still didn’t feel real at all.
Of course he wasn’t going to be a father.
That wasn’t a part of who he was. He was Theo Davenport, owner of the Houston Stallions.
He was an island of a man, with few connections in the world.
On his most agreeable days, he could say that he was a good older brother, a good son.
But a father?
He couldn’t be a father.
And yet, if Harper was really pregnant with his baby…
An image of Harper cradling a baby appeared in his mind.
He couldn’t make himself feel as if it had anything to do with him.
It felt as though she’d stopped off at the store and picked up a new accessory that he didn’t really want or need, as if she now came with this extra thing. And it was a thing that alarmed him.
He’d had a terrible father. His father had left their family to fend for themselves, and it had been horrible. And now…
No. He couldn’t be a father.
He rose slowly from the bench. Max had gone back inside, and Theo couldn’t blame him for that — this was still his wedding day, after all.
He needed to be with his bride and the rest of his guests.
Theo felt awful that this announcement had distracted from Max’s day, but he consoled himself with the thought that it had been Tara who had spilled the beans, not him.
If she was willing to talk about it, they must not be that worried about other people drawing focus.
But there was still the matter of Harper.
Max was right. She’d been devastated. Humiliated. And he had certainly made matters worse for her by walking away the way he had. He knew he shouldn’t have done that. It had been cruel and heartless, and he owed her an apology.
She owes me an apology too, though. She shouldn’t have let me find out the way I did! How could she not have told me the moment she knew? What does she want me to do now?
He thought about walking to his car and driving away. The idea of going back into that reception was painful.
But it’s worse for Harper. After all, nobody knows that I have anything to do with what Tara just said. Max is the only one who could possibly have figured it out. The rest of the guests won’t know I’m the father.
Unless they’d pieced things together from the fact that he had walked out, of course. He shouldn’t have done that.
But even then, they could only guess. They could only suspect his involvement. No one could know for sure.
And the bottom line was, Theo couldn’t walk out of his own brother’s wedding. Of all the selfish things a person could do in a situation like this, that one topped the list. Max had done nothing wrong, and he deserved better than that.
With a sigh, Theo turned and went back inside.
He looked around for Harper, but she was nowhere to be seen, and for a moment he found himself questioning whether she was still there at all.
Maybe she had chosen to leave. What had happened had been pretty dramatic, and it wasn’t as if she could rely on the possibility that no one would connect her with the big news the way he could. It was all about her.
He shouldn’t have run out on her like he had. He should have stayed.
Theo looked around for his brother. Max had found his way to his children and was sitting beside them at the table with Tara’s parents.
His daughter had lined up several fondant flower buds on the table and was eating her way through them one by one while Max watched indulgently, the baby cradled in his arms.
Theo felt a twisting in the pit of his stomach. Max looked so happy, so content. Maybe that was what it meant to have a child. Maybe this was what he was saying no to.
I never wanted to be a father. I never wanted any of this.
That was true. But had he really thought about it?
It wasn’t something he would have planned for himself, but if there was going to be a baby…
oh, hell. He shouldn’t have to decide this right now!
He should have more time to think about what he really wanted.
He should get to make this decision slowly, not all at once.
But it wasn’t that way for Harper, was it?
“Uncle Theo?”
He looked down. There was his niece, Jenna. She had a smear of frosting on her face, but she was smiling up at him expectantly.
“What is it, kiddo?” he asked her, glancing over at his brother. Max was now looking pointedly in the other direction, as though to indicate that Theo was on his own when it came to Jenna, and that he would not be coming to the rescue. Theo almost had to laugh at how obvious the tactic was.
“Do you want to dance with me?” Jenna asked. She held up her hands to him. “Daddy said that you might want to. He said that you were lonely with nobody to dance with, and that I should come and ask you.”
Max glanced at Theo. Theo shook his head at his brother — could Max be any more obvious? It was such a transparent thing to do, to send his child over to ask for a dance. Of course, Theo wasn’t going to say no to that.
A new song started, and he took Jenna’s hands and drew her out onto the dance floor.
She was so excited to be dancing that she ended up leading him through a series of messy, makeshift moves, and eventually the two of them dropped one another’s hands and Theo copied her wild arm movements and body shimmies.
Jenna laughed ecstatically, and Theo found himself laughing right along with her.
When he stopped thinking so hard about it and just allowed himself to have a good time, being with a kid was fun. He liked being an uncle, and he loved Jenna.
But being a father wouldn’t be the same thing as being an uncle, he thought as he watched his niece twirl happily.
There would be much more work involved, and so much more worry.
He would have to stay up with the baby when it was crying.
He would have to think about schools and bullies, doctors and nutrition.
And it would be a lifetime commitment. That was the most difficult thing of all.
If he was going to be somebody’s father now, that would change the shape of his whole life.
After the way his own father had treated his family, Theo knew he would never be able to do things halfway. He would have to be all-in.
Could he make a decision like that with so little thought? Could anybody?
But then, if he turned away from Harper now, he would be no better than his own father.
This wasn’t a situation in which the two of them were planning their future.
It was already too late to opt out. There was going to be a baby.
He was going to be that baby’s father. And Theo knew that he didn’t have it in him to walk away, no matter how he might feel about it personally.
He had to be a better man than his father had been.
“Uncle Theo,” Jenna said, planting her hands on her hips. “You aren’t dancing. Why aren’t you dancing? Dad said that you would want to. Don’t you want to?”
She was so assertive, Theo thought. It must be a trait she had inherited from her mother, because Max wasn’t that way.
He was the fun-loving one in their family.
Max was jolly and agreeable and was the sort to go along with whatever was happening around him.
He wasn’t someone who insisted on having things his own way.
For better or worse, Jenna had inherited that quality.
And Theo thought it was a good thing. She was someone who would always stick up for herself, and he felt good knowing that his niece was going out into the world with that capability.
She was like Harper, he realized. Harper had done the very same thing, insisting on having things the way she wanted them.
She had always been unafraid to speak up for herself when she didn’t like how something was going, and it was the first thing that had made Theo realize how much he liked and respected her.
Suddenly, he found himself wondering what their baby would be like. What traits it might inherit from Harper, and what it would inherit from him.
The song came to an end, and Jenna heaved a big sigh. “Now it’s over,” she complained. “You skipped the whole second half of our dance.”
Theo smiled at her. “You’re right,” he said. “Can I give you one more to make up for it?”
“Only if you actually dance this time,” Jenna told him firmly. “There are other people who want to dance with me, you know. I can’t spend the whole night with you.”
Theo had to laugh. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “You’re right. I wasn’t being very respectful of your time. One more dance, and this time I promise you’ll have my full attention.”
The next song began, and Theo and Jenna danced together energetically.
Theo did his best to keep to his promise, and to keep his full attention on his niece, but of course it was impossible.
He couldn’t stop himself from looking around the room, hoping to see Harper.
Even though he knew that seeing her would mean that they would have to have a very difficult conversation, he couldn’t help wanting it to happen. He couldn’t wait.
It should be so much more difficult than this.
When he had been sitting outside, he had been sure that it was more difficult than this. He had almost left the wedding entirely, feeling simply unable to cope with what was happening.
What a mistake that would’ve been. Because now, as he looked around the room, he knew exactly what he wanted.
He wanted to know his child. He wanted to see what qualities of his it would acquire, and how those qualities would look in an entirely new person.
He wanted to see what a blend of him and Harper would be like.
And he wanted to prove himself as a father, to know that he was a better man than his own father had been.
Of course he wanted to be involved in this baby’s life. How could he have questioned it, even for a moment? There was nothing he wanted more.
He had to find her, and he had to let her know.
It wasn’t until the music was winding down that he finally saw her. She was standing across the room from him, her back to the wall. Her arms were wrapped around her body in a defensive posture that made him ache with sadness. He hated to know that she was feeling so uncomfortable and out of place.
It was his own fault, of course. He should never have walked out and left her here.
He would never walk out on her again. He was determined that he would always be there when she needed him, and that he would offer the same thing to their baby.
As the dance came to an end, he gave Jenna a little mock bow and squeezed her hand. “You head on back over to your dad now,” he told her. “When you get there, you can tell him that it worked.”
“Tell him what worked, Uncle Theo?” Jenna looked up at him with wide eyes.
“You just tell him I said that,” Theo said. “Tell him his plan worked. And tell him… tell him I say thank you.”
He turned away just in time to see Harper slip out the door onto the patio. He hurried after her. This was his chance to speak to her alone.