Chapter 14 Back Then
Back in high school, I had a crush on Zhao Yu.
After I realized my orientation, I tried to test him indirectly.
One evening after we finished playing ball and were walking home together, I chatted with him as we walked.
"Did you see yesterday’s trending topic?"
"What trending topic?"
"The one discussing whether that music genius and that pianist are together."
"How could they be? They’re both guys."
"Then... guys can’t be together with guys?"
"It’s not like they can’t. It’s just... anyway, I never thought about it. Why are you asking that? Don’t tell me..."
"No, don’t overthink it! I just saw it and asked."
"Good. You had me worried there."
That sunset stretched Zhao Yu’s shadow long.
I thought that even my best friend couldn’t accept someone coming out.
So I buried that secret deep in my heart.
Until later, when I met Lu Huaichuan.
He saw my orientation at a glance and chased me intensely.
He said there was no right or wrong in loving someone.
If there was only one kind of orientation in this world, it was where the heart pointed.
So I didn’t need to feel ashamed of my orientation.
With his encouragement, I slowly accepted myself.
I still remembered the day I worked up the courage to tell Zhao Yu that I was with Lu Huaichuan.
The shock on his face.
"You never, you never told me you liked men."
I rubbed my nose. "Wasn’t it because I was afraid you couldn’t accept it?"
"But these past two years, you even occasionally asked me to go watch gay movies with you."
"The environment got better. I felt like your views should’ve changed, so I came to tell you."
He asked in a fluster.
"You really... really... thought it through?"
"That kid... he... what’s so good about him?"
Back then, I answered, "Because of him, I bravely faced myself."
Zhao Yu looked a little lost. I thought that kind of loss came from a best friend getting a partner, and him slowly fading out of my life.
And the facts proved it too. After I had Lu Huaichuan,
the time Zhao Yu and I spent together really did get less.
We still met up regularly, but it was nowhere near how we used to be able to find each other anytime.
I always thought Zhao Yu was straight.
But now I had a bold guess.
Maybe back then, he already had feelings for me.