Chapter 41
Francesca
Ihaven’t spoken to Adam since he punched Jackson. I haven’t spoken to Jackson since we left the locker room. I’m avoiding my parents. I’m avoiding the press.
The only two I can’t escape are my girls.
And Billy, of course. He never did know how to take a hint.
I’m angry. I’m sad. I want to rage against my brother. I want to kick Tony and Nick both square in the balls.
Most of all I want to hate myself for allowing my mind to dream. For thinking it could be different this time. I don’t even know when it changed. When I allowed myself to dream and let that dream become reality.
But I also know I have no right to do that. I knew going in what the outcome he hoped for was. I also knew I wanted to help him reach that goal, whether I was going to go along for the ride or not.
I guess I should have just prepared myself for the crash after the ride alone.
There’s a knock on my door and I stupidly get my hopes up, just for a second. Then everything comes flooding back. It wouldn’t be Gage, his team has just under a week left before the state championship game. I know they’ve been on the field and in the classroom watching tapes.
Still, a girl can hope.
I get up and open the door to come face to face with my oldest brother.
“Chessy, can I come in?”
I step back and sweep my arm around, allowing him room to pass.
“So, I guess you kind of hate me, huh?” He gives me a sheepish grin I’ve seen him use on mom since we were kids.
“Adam, your charm isn’t going to work on me. You were wrong and you know it.” I’m standing firm. I won’t be bossed around anymore or made to feel my decisions are inadequate.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out. “Listen, I’m going to be honest with you—”
“I certainly hope so.”
“It’s what I told Jackson—”
“You spoke to him?”
“Stop! Listen and let me speak! Damn, now I know how he felt,” he says quietly after erupting at me. I sit down on the couch, and he sits opposite me, on my coffee table. “Chess, I can’t lose you.”
“Why would you think you would lose me?”
“Because that seems to be the pattern lately.” He shakes his head then starts again.
“I saw what it did to you when Jackson left the first time, all those years ago. And I know that’s why you took off to the city.
I couldn’t stop you or save you from making a mistake.
I had to watch you go, and I hated when you met Nick.
I hated that you felt like you couldn’t stay here in Christmas. ”
“Adam, that wasn’t your fault. I did what everyone does, goes to college, gets a job and moves away. I wasn’t leaving you, but I had to be able to make it on my own. I had to know I could make it on my own.”
“But that’s just it, you didn’t have to! I was here, we were all here wanting to help you.”
“I didn’t need your help! When I moved back, you tried to step right back into that role, offering me money, a job… I’m more than capable big brother, of handling my own life.”
“I know. I want to help though. I always want to help and make things better.”
“You’re a fixer, I know that. We all know that.”
“But I couldn’t fix your broken heart. I knew you had a crush on Gage way back when.
And I know he was the reason you wanted out of Christmas.
It was a lot to watch and hear for me, when he left, so I know it hurt you, too.
When you came back and jumped into PR again, only with Gage, and this crazy story about dating…
I just… I saw when it changed for both of you, but I didn’t want to admit it.
I saw he made you happy, you made each other happy.
It’s the greatest thing in the world to see my best friend and my sister both in love with each other.
And if I’m honest, the whole bro code thing is supposed to protect everyone against this shit.
It actually made me hopeful that it would keep the two of you here.
I thought there’d be no way he'd actually leave if you guys were together. But if the job worked out, and you two worked out then, I was going to either lose you, lose him or lose you both. Again. And I couldn’t go through that. Not again.”
I’m listening and hearing him. He went through a broken heart just like I did.
In college, when Jackson was drafted, and Adam wasn’t.
When Gage went onto the NFL and Adam came home.
When Jackson lost in the NFL, Adam lost with him.
Then add Chelsea into this mess and I understand Adam went through heartache just as much as I did.
“And now we’ve both lost him.”
“You didn’t lose me,” a deep voice says from behind me. The only voice I’ve been dreaming about for the last two weeks.
I look up at Adam and his eyes flicker over my shoulder to see Jackson. I see happiness and a little smugness. I keep my stare with Adam while Jackson continues.
“For more years than I care to admit, I’ve been lost. But you found me.”
I stand and turn around to face him. “You found me,” he repeats. I turn slightly and look down at Adam.
“Go get your man.”
I smile softly and run my hand down his face. He leans into it and kisses my palm. “You set me up.”
“Guilty.” He doesn’t look guilty in the least. “It’s ok Chessy, I’m okay. And we are, too.”
I make quick long strides and jump into Jackson's arms. He catches me effortlessly. Like I always belonged there.
“It’s always been you, Francesca.”
My legs wrap around his waist, my hands cupping his face and I kiss him, pouring everything I have into him.
“Christ. I hate this already,” Adam says.
I lean my forehead against his and laugh lightly.
“You better get your hands off her ass, Jackson,” Billy warns. When did he get here, I wonder?
I whisper to Jackson, “Don’t you dare. We’re done being told what to do,” he smirks and kisses me again. “You’re the only one who gets to boss me around.”
“Damn straight.”
I slide down his body to hear more voices.
“Is this it?” Farrah whisper yells.
“Oh my god! It’s happening!” Britt just yells. I don’t even look around, but I know they’re all here.
“What does this mean, Jackson?”
“It means I can’t leave you. I did it once and it almost killed me without even knowing it. I won’t do it again.”
Shaking my head, tears running down my face, I laugh and say, “I love you.”
His nostrils flare, his eyes darken. “Say it again.”
“I’m in love with you,” I say a little louder. I can hear giggling coming from the doorway.
“Again.”
“I’m so in love wi—”
“One more time for the fans in the back!” Jackson yells.
Laughing I throw my arms in the air, jazz hands shaking and yell, “I’m in love with you, Gage!”
He throws his arms around me and swings me in a circle, I wrap my hands around his neck and can hear the hoots and hollers and whistles and groans—my oldest brother—from our totally intrusive family.
Laughing against my lips he says, “I love you, too, Casanova.”