Chapter 25
When Caleb asked me to go fishing for three days, I figured we’d have the ultimate boys’ weekend. We went out on a boat and used rods to catch a few fish. We camped the one night it wasn’t raining. And we enjoyed a fire every evening. Surprisingly, though, we spoke about business too. A lot. We’ve shared so much in our lives like brothers. In our twenties, we partied hard. Our thirties seemed to be taking off with a more mature business approach.
He told me about his plans to relocate to Colorado and make Lauren and Marian his future. I shared about my ideas of stepping away from New York City. I liked his suggestions for broadening my foundation work, and he seemed to appreciate my advice about expanding his real estate investments, like the motel he wanted to turn into simple, smaller apartments.
I returned to the Goldfinch with a sturdier outlook on life. No matter what I decide, Caleb will continue to stand by me and support me however he can. A friendship like ours is solid, and I’m damned glad I came out here to spend time with him and get to know Lauren and Marian. And Aubrey, above all.
It’s startling when we drive up Meadow Lane and I think back to when I first traversed this rocky road. It feels like it only happened yesterday, but at the same time, it seems like it was so long ago. And now I’ve only got a week left here. A few meetings are waiting on my schedule, commitments mostly with boards for my foundations. They are gatherings and appointments I really can’t miss, as some of them are yearly check-ins that should not be dismissed. Still, the idea of leaving here bothers me. Despite the relaxation I enjoyed while fishing and camping with Caleb, I’m on edge as he maneuvers the truck past the spot where I “ran” Aubrey off the road that one day weeks ago.
“I know. This road is terrible,” Caleb comments as he glances at me. “But I’m not going to veer off the mountain.” He tips his chin at me, at where I clutch the handle on the door. “You don’t have to be that tense.”
The road is awful, but that’s not why I’m so uneasy. I know his opinions, though, and it’s unnecessary for him to repeat himself. The moment I tell him I’m not looking forward to leaving, he’ll grin and tell me to just stay out here with him, then go to the city as need be.
That idea sounds better and better every time I consider it, but old vulnerabilities are hard to ignore. I want to stay here because Aubrey is here. That’s the truth. But letting her completely into my heart represents a bigger threat.
What if she cheats too?
What if she loses interest and looks elsewhere?
What if I’m not ready to love again and ruin it by rushing anything?
“Dude.”
I glance at Caleb. “Huh?”
“We’re here…” He raises one brow.
We are. I have no clue how long it’s been since he set the truck in park and turned off the engine. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts that I zoned out, and I hate that he’s witnessing my struggle. I should be able to figure this out. I’m not an idiot, and I loathe how off my game this—she—makes me feel.
“Yeah. Sorry.” I force a quick, short chuckle. “Just tired and zoned out.”
“Maybe the drive up here rattled your brain too much.”
We exit the truck and head toward the house. He angles more to the side, to go to the cottage he shares with Lauren, while I trudge toward the house. “Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m half tempted to just pay for the construction to redo it all.”
He laughs, but shakes his head. “Nah. People around here are proud. They won’t want to just take charity for the hell of it.”
He’s got a point. I’m a generous man, but my giving is usually done through my foundations. It never feels good to receive something unwarranted. It’s grounds for imposing awkwardness for one thing. That’s why I operate with my foundations the way I do. I provide assistance, but with a merit system, that those who earn contributions are also contributing themselves by working their jobs they get and so forth. I don’t want to just give money away. I want to pay it forward to the next generation and help the recipients have futures and goals to live for, too.
I can’t find Aubrey anywhere, and when Lauren passes me in the hallway, she doubles back to give me a quick hug hello. “Catch a lot of fish?”
“Not really. But that wasn’t the point, anyway.”
She smiles.
“We had fun.”
“I’m glad. Are you looking for Aubrey?”
I mentally freeze at her words. Uh-oh. Looks like Aubrey enjoyed her girl time too. Kissing and telling now? Still, I stick with honesty. “Yeah, I am, actually.”
“She headed to the library earlier and hasn’t been back yet.”
I wince. “Dammit. She could’ve returned my copy of the thriller I couldn’t get into.”
“Oh, well, I’ll drop it off.” Her expression falls. “I forgot that you’re leaving soon.”
I nod, hating it too. “In a week.”
“Wow.” She shakes her head and sighs. “Are you excited to get back to the city?”
No. “Somewhat. I’ve got meetings I can’t miss.”
Marian comes through, stopping short when she sees us. “Oh! Welcome back, Dalton. Lauren, I think those sprinklers are going to flood your garden.”
Lauren gasps. “Shoot! I forgot to set a timer!” She runs down the hall, dashing away.
“Has she always had a green thumb?” I tease after she leaves.
Marian giggles. “I think she’s just hoping she has one.” Hooking her arm with mine, she steers me toward the kitchen. “How was fishing? Come chat while you help me in the kitchen.”
I chuckle. “But I don’t know your system.”
“I’m sure you can’t screw up removing corn husks,” she jokes.
Within moments, she’s got me set up with her. I sit on a chair near the pile of husks we’ll use to compost, and she stands closer to the sink rinsing berries she’ll bake in a pie. After I tell her about the fishing trip—which was mostly small talk—she mentions my departure.
“I’ll be sorry to see you go,” she says. “A couple is reserving your room. Newlyweds.” She raises her brows. “I’m not sure the guests on the floor below will appreciate the noise.”
I can’t help but laugh. This woman looks so sweet and grandmotherly, but she’s not a prude.
“Because it’s been quiet for so long now,” she adds with another knowing yet amused look.
I slant my brows at her, not quite scowling. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She purses her lips but gives up her effort to stay quiet. “Well, Lauren’s been talking with Aubrey. And she mentioned that you and her…” Again, she makes that smirk.
I nod. This woman knows everything that goes on around here. “Ah. The secret is out.”
“But why keep it a secret at all? You two are cute together.”
“It wasn’t a secret. It just wasn’t defined between us.”
She pauses with the fruit, gazing at me closely. “How so?”
“I told her it was just for fun, and at first, it was. We sort of came together and it happened. But then…”
“Then it became something more.” She resumes rinsing.
I’m obligated to continue, and doing so doesn’t bother me. It’s almost freeing. I never had a chance to speak with my mom about women. She never met Johanna. Claire is like my little sister, so she’s never been my go-to to talk with either.
“I’m not sure how I feel about something more. Not yet.”
“Because of your ex?”
I strain to remember what I told her about Johanna. When I first arrived, I fell into a trance in this very same room and blurted out about my ex cheating on me. Marian hasn’t forgotten anything. “Yes. She hurt me badly, and I’m not certain I’m ready to love again. Or risk being loved.”
“And potentially hurt,” she finishes for me. “That’s a valid concern. You’ve been burned badly and want to skip a repeat of it. That’s natural. But I think you’re not recognizing how you’re not alone in that. I sense that Aubrey is someone so trained in ignoring or resisting her feelings that falling in love is overwhelming. Grief is her driving force, whereas your hesitation is borne of rejection and betrayal. Still, a loss is a loss, and Aubrey might be scared to lose again too.”
I haven’t considered it like this. I’ve been hooked on my fears and why I’m gun-shy to jump into a future with Aubrey, but I’ve overlooked her past. We haven’t talked about our parents much, just the basics. I’ve been oblivious to the fact that Aubrey has been alone for most of her adult life. It shouldn’t surprise me. She’s stubbornly independent, not wanting to tell Lauren or Caleb about her problems from Jeremy. She’s also firmly assertive and able to say no. Because she’s guarded herself as a result of being alone for so long.
I hate that I’ve neglected this detail about her, and I wonder how I can broach it in a conversation, to open up to her. And to get her to open up to me, too. If I’m flirting with the possibility of staying here and changing my life to be with her, we’ve got to cover these basic facts between us if they’re responsible for making us impose distance.
“Hey.” Caleb pops around the corner, knocking on the doorframe as he steps into the kitchen. “Dalt, you got a minute?”
I’m not sure why he can’t just talk to me in front of Marian. She’s an open book, and we all trust her. And she always finds out what’s happening on her property anyway.
I stand, though, alarmed by my friend’s serious demeanor. Something’s wrong. I can tell. “Sure. I’ll be right back, Marian.”
“Oh, no worries. No worries,” she replies with a cheerful wave. “Think about what I said though, Dalton.”
I nod. I will. Just as soon as I hear whatever bad news Caleb seems ready to give me.