16. Tristan
CHAPTER 16
TRISTAN
R ia seemed a little distant, though Tristan couldn’t put his finger on why. She cooked lunch for the triplets, spent a few hours with them while he got a little work done, then perched on the side of the table, chatting with him and the kids, while he cooked dinner. It was all as it usually was — except that there seemed to be a shadow on Ria’s lovely face.
Over the last few weeks, Tristan and Ria had fallen into a routine — a routine he enjoyed more than he wanted to admit. There was something wonderful about spending time with Ria, whether it was the emotionally charged moments they often shared in the evenings, or simply the quiet glances they exchanged while playing with the kids. Tristan never knew he could be so happy outside of work. Of course, despite how wonderful everything was now, Ria would leave eventually. He knew that.
And eventually, Tristan would have to tell Ria how he felt. If he wanted her to stay, of course.
Yet that moment felt far in the future. Tristan didn’t want to ruin the wonderful times they shared now by questioning the future. He was happier than he’d been in a long time, with Ria and the triplets, and he didn’t want to lose that.
“Shall we tag-team bedtime?” he asked Ria as the triplets finished their dinner.
“Let’s do it.”
Like a well-oiled machine, Ria and Tristan carried the kids upstairs, ran them through the bath, and tucked them into bed. They each read two stories with the triplets snugly tucked into their beds. Then Tristan went to each of his kids, kissing them lightly on the forehead and making sure the sheets and pillows were just right. He flipped on the nightlight and the white-noise machine, checked the baby monitor, and slipped out of the room.
Ria was already in the hallway. She nodded towards the stairs, and they went down to the kitchen side by side. Tristan poured them each a glass of wine while Ria dished up salad and pasta. As she turned to set the plates on the table, she stubbed her toe against a chair, winced, and accidentally tilted one of the plates. A few lettuce leaves cascaded onto the floor, and she winced again.
“Are you okay?” Tristan took the plates from her and set them on the table, his gaze drawn to her foot.
“Yes, I’m just clumsy.” She shrugged. “As always.”
“You’re not that clumsy.” Tristan pulled out a chair and helped her into it, then bent down and took her ankle in his hand. She was barefoot, as she often was around the house, and Tristan found his fingertips brushing across the sensitive skin around her ankle. He looked up at her and saw she was watching him, her green eyes bright, her lips slightly parted. The band of connection tightened between them until Tristan’s breath caught.
“What’s the prognosis, doc?” Ria asked, her tone joking but her expression serious.
“I think you’ll live.” Tristan set her foot down on the floor and straightened up, his eyes never leaving hers. He wanted to reach for her hands and draw her to her feet — and into his arms. It finally felt like the time was right to tell her how he felt. He didn’t want to wait any longer.
“There’s something I should tell you.” Ria bit her lip, her gaze skating away from Tristan’s.
“Oh?” Tristan’s heart began to beat faster. Perhaps she wanted to tell him the same thing he wanted to tell her.
“I got a job offer.”
In an instant, it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room — out of Tristan’s lungs, too. He forced himself to take a slow breath. Just because Ria had gotten an offer didn’t mean that she had any plans of accepting it.
“Did you?” He took his seat and reached for his wine glass.
“Yes. The family is based in Los Angeles. It looks like a good job.” She bit her lip again. “We both know that you’re ready to parent on your own, Tristan. You’ve been doing wonderfully with the triplets, and you barely need any help from me. I don’t think you need a nanny anymore.”
Tristan didn’t know what to say. He’d been hoping to confess that he had feelings for Ria. He’d wanted to tell her that she’d become very important to him over the last few months, and that he wanted to kiss her. He’d hoped to take her in his arms and capture those soft pink lips with his own.
Meanwhile, Ria had been planning to take another job.
Sadness warred with betrayal in Tristan’s chest. He didn’t want to lose Ria, not at all. He cared for her, deeply. She was exactly who his little family had been missing, exactly who he’d been missing, even if he hadn’t known it.
Yet Tristan couldn’t force Ria to stay if she wanted to move on. Nor did he want to. If she was ready to take another job, he wouldn’t stop her.
“Well, if it’s a good offer, I suppose you should just take it.” The words came out a little more acidic than Tristan had intended.
Ria’s eyes widened and she sat back a little. “Really?” She sounded almost upset, but Tristan was upset, too. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more his sadness turned to anger. How could she leave the kids like this? They weren’t ready. Neither was he.
“Really.” He set his wine glass down a little too hard on the table. “If you want to go, then go.” His tone grew increasingly sharp.
“All right.” Ria folded her hands together, her face shuttering. “I’ll go. If that’s what you want.”
“Although, how you think this is the right decision is beyond me.” Tristan shook his head. “The kids care about you. They rely on you. They love you. And you’re just going to leave them!”
There was more Tristan wanted to say, though he didn’t. He wanted to tell her that he cared about her. That he relied on her. That he loved her. And that he couldn’t believe she was just going to leave him. But it wouldn’t have mattered, surely. He couldn’t tell Ria how he felt. Not now. Not when she wanted to leave.
“I’ll say goodbye and explain everything,” Ria said, her voice catching. Tristan saw that her green eyes were filled with unshed tears. “I won’t just run out on them.”
“I think we can agree it’s best for you to leave soon.” Tristan’s tone was clipped now, as he got to his feet. Their dinner was forgotten. “Tomorrow will be best. There’s no point in drawing out the goodbyes. We’ll be just fine without you. After all, you’re just the nanny.”
“Right.” Ria nodded, her eyes still sparkling with tears. “Thank you for your honesty.”
But Tristan hadn’t been honest, not even close. Honesty would have meant asking Ria to stay, and he just couldn’t do that. He couldn’t plead with her to stay for one more day, one more week, a year, the rest of her life, only to have her shake her head and leave anyway. It was better that she left now, on his terms.
“I appreciate what you’ve done for us. You’re a good nanny,” he said stiffly. “You’ll receive your final paycheck in your account.”
With that, he left the kitchen, his steps brisk. He went to the one place he always felt in control: his office. There, he sat in front of his computer and dropped his head into his hands. Everything had crumbled so fast, and he wasn’t sure how it had happened. He’d wanted to kiss Ria. Instead, she was leaving.
Tristan booted up his computer and stared at the screen for a while, willing himself to start working. If he could just lose himself in his company, he could forget about Ria, at least for a little while. Eventually, he did get a few things done, but the whole time, his mind wandered back to Ria’s slim ankle in his hands, her palm on his chest as they’d danced, her sparkling green eyes… and her leaving. Tomorrow.
Tristan heard the sound of footsteps, but Ria was just going upstairs. That was the last he heard from her that evening.
Tristan wondered how the triplets would handle her departure. He wondered if he was really ready to be a father without her. Most of all, he wondered how things had gone so wrong. If Ria hadn’t gotten the job offer, if she’d stayed just a few more months, perhaps he could have told her how he felt. Now, though, he was going to lose her. The triplets were going to lose her.
Part of him wanted to run upstairs. He wanted to knock on Ria’s door and tell her that he’d made a terrible mistake. He wanted to explain that he loved her and that he didn’t want to imagine his life without her. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her until they were both breathless. At the very least, he wanted to beg her to stay for just a few more months. If she would just agree to be here until the triplets’ upcoming third birthday, perhaps it would be enough.
Tristan couldn’t do that, though. He couldn’t do any of it. Ria wanted to leave. She’d looked for and found another job. If Tristan chased her and begged her to stay, that would make him a bad person. Or, at the very least, a selfish one. Tristan didn’t want to imagine his life without Ria, but he also didn’t want to force her to stay.
It hurt that she was leaving now. But if she stayed for another month, a week, or even a day, the heartache would only worsen. And not just for him. Her departure would hurt the triplets, too, and it would hurt them more the longer she stayed.
No, letting Ria leave, even if they weren’t parting on good terms, was the best thing Tristan could do for himself, for the triplets, and for Ria. If only knowing that made it hurt any less.