Chapter 14 #3
“Why do you need a job? ”
“I need money to raise this child, don’t I?” I stare down at the sticks in the paper bag before me. “Children are expensive. And?—”
Helen’s voice is gentle as she takes my face in her hands. “Do you think Ethan will let you and his child become destitute? You’re overthinking everything. It’s very normal. I understand that this is a shock.”
“Ethan,” I echo his name in a dazed voice. “I’ll have to tell him. Oh God, I’ll have to tell him.”
“Well, I would certainly recommend it.” Helen comforts me. “It will be fine. And if he says anything upsetting, you will call me. Nothing will happen to you or the baby, Natalie. You are not alone. I’m right here with you.”
A ball of thick emotion gets stuck in my throat as I gaze at her. Her eyes are warm and affectionate and filled with happiness at this news.
“I wish my mother would react like this,” I whisper, tears spilling from my eyes, the words ripped from me. “I wish she would try to comfort me like this. I can’t even tell her.”
Helen wipes my tears, her fingers tracing gently over the healing scratch marks on my face.
For a moment, her eyes harden with a fierce protectiveness that reminds me of a mother bear defending her cubs.
Then her expression softens again, but I can tell she’s made some silent determination about my mother.
“I don’t claim to know the relationship you have with your mother, Natalie, but I am here for you, whatever you need.
My son loves you, and I love you because you hold his heart in your hands.
I will be here with you every step of the way.
Do you understand? There is nothing to be afraid of.
This little peanut growing inside of you is already very loved.
His grandmother couldn’t be more excited for him. ”
I press my lips together, trying not to cry, and she makes a sound, pulling me into her arms. “It’s okay, my dear. It’s okay to cry. I’ve got you.”
The tears don’t stop.
My well-constructed life seems to be falling apart ever since Ethan came back into my life.
A pregnancy.
A child.
I don’t know anything about being a mother.
“You’ll be a very good mother.” Mrs. Wilder holds me tight, her voice kind. “And what you don’t know, I’ll be here to teach you. You are not alone in this.”
Her arms are warm, and it makes me realize that this must be what a mother’s hug feels like.
But she’s not my mother.
She’s Ethan’s.
She wipes my eyes with her handkerchief.
A small wet laugh bubbles out of me. “I didn’t know people still carried handkerchiefs.”
Mrs. Wilder folds the small cloth and puts it in my hands.
“My mother always told me that a proper lady should always carry a handkerchief around. She was from the South you see. She had a small tradition of passing down her handkerchiefs to her daughters. I have five sisters. All of them got one when they fell in love. I want you to keep this one. It’s clean. I carry it mostly because I want to.”
I stare down at the pale blue silk cloth. “Shouldn’t you give this to Megan?”
Helen laughs. “My daughter won’t appreciate it. Or maybe she will one day. When she gives her heart to somebody, I’ll make her another one.”
“You made this?”
“Yes.”
I look up at her, flustered. “Mrs. Wilder, I couldn’t possibly accept?— ”
“It’s not jewelry, Natalie,” she laughs.
“I know.” My hand clenches the piece of cloth. “It’s more precious. This belongs to Megan. She’s your daughter.”
“And you’re going to be the mother of my grandchild. Hopefully one day, I will get the privilege to call you my daughter as well. So keep it.”
My heart trembles, even more so when she kisses my forehead gently. “I’m not going to tell Ethan. It has to come from you. So, when you’re ready, tell him.”
I nod.
“And it’s perfectly normal to be scared. Motherhood is both frightening and wonderful. If you need to talk, my door is always open to you. Know that.”
She’s about to get up when I grab her hand.
“I don’t need his money. I don’t. I’m scared, but I want to raise my child using my own money.
I’ve always been independent.” I meet her gaze.
“Before I talk to Ethan, I want to be able to stand on my feet and face him. No matter what happens between us, I want our positions to be equal.”
I expect Mrs. Wilder to be a little miffed, but instead her smile broadens. “Good. That is exactly how it should be. But remember, Natalie, this is his child, too.”
My hand tightens around her hand. “Why are you so sure it’s his child? Why don’t you have any doubts?”
She laughs now, a soft and musical sound.
“Because I saw the way you look at him. Ethan is not the only one besotted, my dear child. Now come. I’m going to take you to my gynecologist. She’s one of the best in the city.
And then we’re going to go to lunch and follow that up with some shopping for my grandchild. ”
Flustered, I follow after her. “Isn’t it too early for that?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She gives me a firm smile. “It’s never too early to go shopping for a baby.”
For a moment, she reminds me of Megan, and I shudder .
But this might be a good distraction. My entire life has turned upside down in a matter of minutes. The farther away I wanted to get from Ethan, the closer we are now tied together.
We walked down the street, and I notice the antique shop she mentioned. There’s a foreclosure sign on it. I catch a glimpse of myself in the dirty glass window, and my hand touches my cheek as I realize something.
Helen Wilder saw the marks on my face the moment she arrived but chose to say nothing. I recall the protective way in which her hand had brushed against the marks, a quiet anger in her eyes.
I wonder how much she knows. Or if she knows anything.
But she seems to have decided to embrace me either way, and that realization is both terrifying and comforting at the same time.