Chapter 15
NATALIE
There’s a reason why I never gave my mother my address, even though she wanted it for the longest time. I don't know how she managed to find my address now after all these years but seeing her standing in front of my door, reminded me of the consequences of what this knowledge could bring.
Deep inside, a part of me had always been fearful that if my brother asked, she would give him my address.
If I had remembered at the fundraiser that there was a chance my brother would be able to see the photographs taken, I would have done something.
But now, if my mother has seen them, it’s very likely Lucas has also seen them.
And that strikes fear in my heart.
That night five years ago, I had been so distraught. For the first time, I had found myself reaching out to my brother. Sobbing, my heart breaking, I told him what happened. I expected comfort and anger on my behalf.
I hadn’t expected him to show up and begin beating me, calling me all sorts of horrendous things.
I don’t even remember all of them, the shock and the pain blanking me out.
But I do remember his promises as the police dragged him off me that he would finish the job, that he couldn’t have a stain like me in the family.
I thought my mother would protect me. No matter how she felt towards me, I was still her child. But the nurse told me she only showed up once I woke up.
And even then, she had been armed with threats.
I did what she asked. My entire survival was on the line. She had access to all my bank accounts because it was the trust fund my grandparents had set up for me that was helping fund my living and college expenses.
It was only once I was discharged that I discovered not only had she made me homeless, but she had emptied out my bank accounts and cut off access to the trust fund.
I was never allowed to have my own bank account.
I wasn't allowed to access any of my accounts without asking her first. It's only now I realize how controlling that behavior was.
I still remember the feeling as I stood in front of my building, not even able to walk properly, and realizing I had nothing.
It was the doorman who helped me get to the shelter.
It was the people at the shelter who helped me finish my thesis by providing me with a laptop. They helped me apply for jobs.
Sometimes I wonder how broken I have to be to let my mother back into my life, how desperate for her love and affection.
It’s been a week since the visit to the gynecologist. A quick blood test came back with the same results. Helen was ecstatic, but I just felt numb.
It seems like I’m losing control of my life.
I want to blame Ethan. But it was my idea to sleep with him. So how can it be his fault?
If anything, I shouldn’t have been so impulsive. I should’ve used protection. I should have …
I want to feel sorry for myself, but that’s not going to help me out of my situation. If Helen was not aware of my pregnancy, I might have come up with a plan. I could have applied for a job in another state and just left. Or at least I could have considered it even if I hadn’t done it.
But she knows, and whether Ethan wants this baby or not, I don’t think he’s going to tolerate me running away with his child.
I remember the conversation we had at the fair. When I mentioned wanting children, he had been more than receptive.
I glance down at my phone beside me on the park bench. The crisp September breeze ruffles through the trees around me, their leaves just beginning to show hints of autumn color. I haven’t had the strength to call him.
I have to do it.
But every time I pick up the phone, I hesitate.
It’s been a month since the trip to Chicago.
He’s not reached out to me, not even to acknowledge my resignation.
My hands curl in the material of my shirt.
Has he finally washed his hands of me? I try not to think about the ring that his mother mentioned.
My brain can’t jump that far right now. It can’t make the connection.
Leaning back on the bench, I watch the children run around the playground, their laughter carried on the wind.
The late September sunlight filters through the leaves above, casting dappled shadows across the worn wooden slats beneath me, the scent of wet, aged leaves carrying the first hint of autumn's approach. I don’t know why I came to this place. It’s close to the office.
Everything has just been too overwhelming. I know I’m a coward. I know I’m not acting like myself.
But I’m just so scared.
I’ve always tried to plan ahead. I’ve always had my ducks in a row. Now everything is falling apart, and no matter what I do, I can’t grab all the scattered pieces and hold them together.
But one thing is for certain.
“I will love you.”
I put both hands on my flat stomach. “I will love you so much that love is all you will ever know. I know I’m scared right now, but I’ll find a job, and I’ll—” I let out a gust of breath. “I’ll raise you myself.”
I hear the bench creak and look over to see Roland Blake sitting next to me.
“Mr. Blake?” Taken aback, I look around, but there’s nobody else here. It’s just the children in the park with their parents. It’s working hours, so nobody’s around.
“I was wondering where you’ve been for the past month.” He glances at me. “There was somebody else in your office, and Ethan has been quite tightlipped where you’re concerned.”
“I don’t understand.” I feel a little shaken. “Did you need something from me?”
“Why aren’t you at work?” He looks at me curiously. “And yes, we still have that lunch.”
“Oh.” I give him a small smile. “You can forget that. I resigned from my job.”
“Resigned?” He stares at me, stunned. “Why? Was it the salary?” His last question is abrupt. “They weren’t paying you enough, were they? I had my suspicions.”
I don’t know what his obsession is with my salary, but I have to laugh. He’s a sweet old man. A little eccentric maybe, but sweet.
“No. My salary was good. I just—I needed a change.”
“Are you looking for a new job?”
His question is direct, and I nod. “I’m going to start applying soon. I haven’t gotten around to it yet.”
He turns to face me. “Would you like to come work for me?”
“Excuse me?” My eyes widen at the unexpected job offer .
He beams at me. “I may not run companies, but in certain companies, I have a majority share. I can get you a place in one of them at a salary of your choosing.”
I feel a hint of unease now. “Why would you do that for me?”
He goes still before averting his gaze and shrugging. “You’re a good kid. I want to help.”
I don’t entirely buy it, but I smile at him, nonetheless. “Thank you, but I’ll figure something out.”
“Just send me your resume. Let me handle it.”
“I really don’t?—”
“Natalie already has a job,” a hard voice sounds from behind us, and I freeze, recognizing it.
Roland looks mildly annoyed at the interruption. His upper lip curls.
“Ethan.”
I clench my hands in my lap and say nothing, looking ahead. I don’t want to see him. Not yet. I haven’t figured out what to say yet. I still need time. I need to get my bearings on my situation, a job, before I?—
“You’re not poaching her, so get that idea out of your head, Roland,” Ethan says harshly. “I’ve not accepted her resignation.”
My head jerks up at that, and I meet his gaze.
My mind empties when I take a good look at him.
If I thought I looked bad, he looks worse.
His hair, which is normally slicked back, is a mess.
It looks like he’s been running his fingers through it all day.
For a man who believes in being immaculately dressed, his tie is crooked, and he’s just pushed his sleeves up instead of rolling them back like he normally does.
Exhausted.
He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.
“Do you mind, Roland?” Ethan snaps, and the older man gives him a miffed look.
“What do you want with her? ”
“She’s my employee!” Ethan growls. “I should be the one asking you that.”
“She’s—” Roland gets up, all worked up, but the words seem to get stuck in his throat.
Ethan takes a step towards him and says something in such a low voice that I can’t hear, but I see the older man’s body tremble. Before I can react, Roland’s hand lifts, and he punches Ethan in the jaw.
“Y-You shameless little—Do you even know who I am?”
His whole body is shaking, and he lifts his cane. My eyes widening, I throw myself between them. “Mr. Blake! What are you doing?!”
Ethan hasn’t so much as flinched, and there is a cold look in his eyes. “Get out of the way, Natalie.”
I ignore him. “Mr. Blake, put the cane down. Please? I’m sure he deserves it, but there are kids here.”
His eyes swivel to the right, and I see him hesitate. Finally, he lowers the cane, his eyes filled with an unparalleled fury. “You’ve made a big mistake, Ethan. And this is not one I’m going to forgive.”
“I don’t need your forgiveness or your money. There are some lines that should not be crossed.”
I see a sharp pain in Mr. Blake’s eyes, and his hand tightens on the top of his cane. His voice is low and gritty. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. You arrogant little punk.”
He sets the cane down and looks at me. “I will see you later, Natalie.”
Ethan’s hand comes down on my shoulder. “No, you won’t. You stay away from her.”
I see Mr. Blake’s eyes tighten. “Stay out of this, boy. This has nothing to do with you. I’m going to send you a list of companies that I will personally recommend you to, Natalie. A salary of your choosing, remember. And if you want any more benefits, you just have to tell me. ”
I stare at him, both confused and rattled. It’s obvious that he’s taking some sort of liking to me, but I feel uncomfortable taking favors from people I don’t know.
“She works for me.” Ethan shoves me behind him. “I just told you to stay away from her.”
“Ethan!” I hiss at him. “Enough!”
Roland just looks at me, and his voice is quiet. “Send me your resume.”