Chapter 18
June
Kai sat perfectly still, his back to me as I stitched the long gash stretching across his shoulder blade, one stitch at a time.
The room had gone quiet around us. There was only the soft clink of the medical instruments beside me and the steady rhythm of Kai’s breathing.
The curved needle pierced one side of the torn skin, disappeared beneath the surface, then emerged on the other. I pulled the thread through until the edges met, tying each knot with careful fingers before moving to the next.
His skin was warm beneath my fingertips. Too warm in some places. I kept checking him without meaning to, brushing the back of my fingers across his shoulder whenever I paused.
He never complained. Only now and then, a quiet hiss escaped between his teeth, barely audible, barely there. But I heard every one of them, and every sound twisted something inside my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“For what?”
“For hurting you.”
A soft chuckle rumbled through his chest. “You weren’t the one holding the machete.”
The needle hovering above his skin. I swallowed around the lump in my throat. Even now—bleeding and covered in stitches—he was trying to comfort me.
I dipped another piece of gauze into antiseptic and gently cleaned away the blood that had seeped around the wound. He flinched.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
It clearly wasn't. The muscles across his broad back tightened beneath my fingertips before slowly relaxing again.
Angry red lines crossed his sun-bronzed skin, disappearing beneath the white bandage that already covered the upper part of the wound.
There were bruises along his ribs too, darkening beneath his skin, and a faint scrape ran across the back of his shoulder.
I hated seeing them. Every mark was another reminder of how close I'd come to losing him.
I threaded the needle again.
In. Out. Pull. Tie.
The repetitive rhythm should have calmed me. But it didn’t.
“I’ve got…” I counted under my breath. “…three more.”
“Thanks. You’re doing great.”
The corner of his mouth lifted into a faint smile.
I looked at his reflection in the dark window for a moment. Even injured, he somehow managed to look composed, like pain was something that happened to other people.
“Don't smile,” I murmured.
“Why?”
“It makes you move.”
“I wasn't aware smiling was dangerous.”
“It is when I'm holding a needle.”
He gave a quiet laugh, and I immediately placed my palm against his shoulder.
“Stop.”
“Yes, doctor.”
Silence settled between us again as I made another stitch. Kai sucked in a sharp breath, and without thinking, I rested my free hand lightly against his shoulder, my fingers spreading over his skin and feeling the tension beneath it.
“Almost there,” I murmured.
His breathing gradually slowed beneath my palm.
I realised then that this might be the first time he had allowed himself to lean on someone. The man who always carried everyone else's burdens sat silently in front of me, trusting me to put him back together.
My vision blurred. A tear slipped free before I could stop it, landing softly against the back of his shoulder.
“June?”
I wiped my face quickly with the back of my wrist. “What’s up?”
“You okay?”
“Fine.”
“You don’t sound fine.”
His hand reached behind him until his fingers found mine. Warm. Steady. He turned his head slightly, trying to look at me over his shoulder.
“I’ll be fine,” he said quietly.
How could he say that when he had no idea how much blood he had lost? I squeezed his hand before letting go, forcing myself to pick up the needle again.
“There.”
I tied the final knot and carefully trimmed the thread. “You’re all patched up.” I started to rise from the sofa, intending to give him some space to rest.
“Come here.”
His voice was quiet, roughened by pain, yet somehow gentle enough to stop me in my tracks.
I looked over my shoulder. Kai was watching me, but not with the guarded expression he usually wore or that teasing spark that always made me want to argue with him.
Slowly, I walked back.
He reached for my hand. His fingers closed around mine with surprising strength before gently tugging me closer until I lost my balance.
“You planned that.”
“I might have.”
“You're impossible.”
“I've been told.”
I settled sideways across his lap, careful of the fresh bandages on his back. One hand automatically went to his shoulder, making sure I wasn't putting pressure anywhere that might hurt him.
“You shouldn’t be moving.”
“I’m not.”
“No?”
“You came to me.”
I rolled my eyes.
His hand slid around my waist, careful and gentle. I could feel the warmth of his palm through the thin fabric of my clothes. I rested one hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath my fingers.
My heartbeat stumbled. I searched his face, expecting to find the familiar teasing grin. Instead, there was nothing but sincerity.
The distance between us disappeared almost without either of us noticing. His forehead rested lightly against mine, our breaths mingling as I felt his fingers move slowly along my waist, almost as though he were reassuring himself that I was really there.
“I thought I’d lost you today,” I whispered.
“You didn’t.”
“I was terrified.”
“I know.” He lifted one hand to my face, his fingers brushing gently along my cheek before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “You saved me.”
A tear escaped before I realised I was crying.
He smiled softly. “Hey…” His thumb brushed the tear away, lingering against my skin. “No more crying.”
I nodded. “I’ll try.”
His thumb moved once more across my cheek before his hand settled gently against the side of my face.
Then he leaned in. The kiss was gentle and tentative, as though neither of us wanted to break whatever fragile miracle had brought us here.
His lips were warm against mine. I closed my eyes and let myself forget everything for those few seconds—the blood, the fear, the people waiting outside, the secrets that still stood between us.
When our lips parted, I rested my forehead against his again, wishing I could somehow stop time.
For the first time in what felt like forever, the world seemed brighter, warmer, safer, as if every danger and every nightmare had simply vanished.
Kai brushed his thumb across my cheek, his gaze so impossibly tender that it stole the air from my lungs. And for one dangerous, beautiful moment, I let myself believe that maybe we could stay like this forever.
“I love you,” he whispered.
My heart stopped. For a second, I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes for the briefest moment, wishing those words didn't mean so much. But they did. They meant everything.
“Don't.” My voice trembled. “Don't say that.”
I closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears. When I opened them again, his smile was gone. He was watching me, the tenderness in his eyes replaced by something else.
Hurt. Disappointment. Maybe even fear.
“You know we can't.” I searched his face, hoping he already knew the answer. Hoping I wouldn't have to be the one to say it aloud. “This.” I gestured weakly between us. “Us.”
His thumb stopped moving against my hand. “So that's it?” His voice remained calm, but I could hear the hurt beneath it. “You decided for both of us?”
“It's not that simple.”
“No?” His eyes hardened slightly.
“We have family. We're in the middle of a war. We don't even know if we'll still be alive tomorrow.”
The world hadn't stopped just because we had.
And maybe that was the problem. There would always be something waiting for us. Family. Loyalty. Enemies. Secrets. Blood.
How could I choose love when everything around us was telling me that love was the one thing I couldn't afford?
“Exactly.” His answer came so quietly that it caught me off guard. He shifted slightly, wincing when his back moved.
Instinctively, I reached toward him. “Careful with your back.”
His hand covered mine before I could pull away. “We might not be alive tomorrow.” His fingers intertwined with mine. “And that's exactly why I don't want to waste another second pretending.”
I stared at our joined hands as his thumb moved slowly across my knuckles.
“I've spent years pretending I didn't love you.” His voice dropped. “I've spent years convincing myself that what happened between us belonged in the past.”
He turned away, his jaw tightening. “I told myself you were better off without me. That you deserved someone who wasn't carrying this mess into your life. Someone who wouldn't make you choose between the person you loved and the family you owed.”
He looked back at me, a faint, bittersweet smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “It didn't work.”
My throat tightened. “Kai…”
“I tried.” He gave a quiet laugh, but there was no humour in it. “God, I tried.”
His confession broke something open inside me.
“I haven't stopped loving you.” The words left my mouth before I could take them back.
Kai stared at me as though he wasn't certain he'd heard correctly.
I reached up and touched his face, tracing my thumb gently along his cheek and feeling the faint roughness of stubble beneath my fingertips. “I haven't stopped,” I whispered again.
His eyes closed briefly. “If tomorrow is my last day…” he continued softly, “…
I don't want to spend it wondering what might have been.” He lifted my hand to his lips and pressed a lingering kiss against my knuckles.
“If I'm going to die…” His voice cracked just enough to break my heart. “…then let me die in your arms. Happy.”
A tear slipped down my cheek. I couldn't hold back any longer. “I love you too.”
The confession left my lips almost as a whisper.
His eyes widened, not with surprise, but with relief—the kind that came after carrying an impossible weight for far too long.
A slow smile spread across his face. It was different from all the smiles I'd seen from him before.
There was no arrogance in it, no teasing or carefully controlled confidence. Just happiness.