Chapter Fourteen
“Those nachos hit the spot so good.” I wipe the corners of my mouth and revel in the spiritual experience those nachos gave me. “I feel like a new person.”
“It’s like those nachos resurrected you from the dead.” Ben grabs the back of his neck and sits on the edge of my bed. “Between you and your brother, I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster.”
“Did Elijah tell you about—” I wave my hand over the prenatal bottles that have become a symbol of my secret.
“No.”
“Then why’d you come here?”
“For you.”
I try to hide my surprise. He came here on his own? For me? I’ve been convinced that if Ben Steel were to show up on my doorstep ever again, it would be because my brother took it upon himself to tell him what I was hiding. He’s the type of guy to do the right thing and marry me or something, even if he doesn’t love me.
And why would he love me? We had a couple of good days and then I ghosted him.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Phoebe?” The anguish in his eyes has me ready to cry.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I sniff back some tears and he’s by my side quicker than I can comprehend.
“The fact you’re hurting is killing me. Don’t worry about me, okay?”
“I don’t want you to hurt,” I whisper. “I don’t want you thinking I tricked you into this.”
“I don’t—I would never.”
“You can leave if you want. No strings attached.” I suck in a breath to steady myself. I can be strong and let him walk away. It’s what’s going to happen, anyway. Might as well skip some steps and save some tears.
“I love you Phoebe Decker.”
“You can’t mean that. We hardly know each other. We had a good week—if even that—and I ruined it. This—” I point to my belly. “Ruined it.”
“Ruined? Do you really feel that way about our baby?”
The possessive growl in his voice cuts through the chatter in my mind.
“Of course not.” I drop my hand to my belly, protectively cradling it. “But you don’t want kids, so I knew it was better to give up any shot I had with you before—”
“When in the hell did I say that?”
My cheeks burn as I recall the exact moment. “In the park—against the tree—when I told you I was on the pill.”
He buries his face in my shoulder, chuckling. “Phoebe, what was I supposed to say?”
“What?”
He lifts his head up, his eyes so open and vulnerable, I can’t stop my tears. “I didn’t have the courage to tell you I was already falling for you. That I wanted to build a future with you, make babies with you, grow old together—”
I have to laugh as I imagine him pouring his heart out like that on the night of Liam’s wedding. “No, I guess you couldn’t have. I might have gotten a little freaked out—”
“The last thing I wanted to do was scare you off—”
I press my finger to his lips. “I might have gotten a little freaked out because I want all that too and didn’t want to ruin the mood.”
“Why’d you shut me out, then?” There’s no accusation in his voice. He’s hurt, but curious.
I hesitate, mulling over how to put into words something I’ve kept tucked away in a festering part of my heart for as long as I can remember.
My mom and Elijah know my reasons, even if they tried to talk me out of hiding from Ben, but they don’t know how much my dad’s abandonment affected me. My mom was devastated by it, but she picked up the pieces and made a better life for us. Elijah took his anger and became determined to be the best person he could be. But me? I was hurt. Angry and hurt, and that never went away.
It eroded my trust and left me with the knowledge I could never have a family of my own. I couldn’t let myself trust someone enough to build a life together and then handle the inevitable loss when they decided it was time to move on.
Ben says my name gently, and I look at him through tear-blurred eyes.
“It’s my dad,” I blurt before I can keep it in any longer.
Those three words are like a lead weight off my heart, giving oxygen to a place inside me that’s been closed off for too long.
“You heard from him? What did he do now?” Ben’s about to pounce before I shake my head.
“Nothing recent. I can’t let go of how easily he left us, though.”
His eyes widen with understanding. “And now you’re scared I’ll leave?”
I nod, not trusting my voice.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
I believe him. Ben is solid and dependable. He would never ditch me or our baby. I’m not in the same position my mom was. I have her and Elijah. Hell, I know I have the entire Steel family, too, once they know my secret.
My stomach lurches when I realize what’s really been holding me back. “But what if I am just like him? What if I leave one day?” The words scrape out of me, rough like sandpaper against my tongue.
“You won’t.”
“I left Clover Creek like it was nothing.”
“You mean when you turned eighteen? When you were figuring out what you wanted to do with your life? That’s not the same as leaving your wife and kids behind like they were nothing.”
The scorn in his voice tells me Elijah’s shared some of his feelings about our dad with him, too.
He watches me and shakes his head. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“How do you know?” I whisper.
“You can trust me.” He grasps my hand, stroking the back of my palm with his thumb. “I’m not going anywhere. And I can see your heart. You’re not either. I trust you.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why are you giving me a second chance?”
He smirks, pausing for a second to check me out despite my ratted hair and tear-soaked face. “Because you’re worth it. Because I’m madly in love with you—even if you won’t say it back. Because I know relationships take work and I’m committed to showing up every single day in whatever capacity our relationship needs to thrive.”
Could he be more perfect? It’s like he sees the mess that’s me and asks for more.
I hold his chin in my hands and study his face. He means every damn thing he’s said. The festering wound in my heart stings a little less as we stare at each other. In time, I know his love will help it heal all the way.
“I love you,” I whisper.
He breaks out into such a big grin my hands are shifted to the side. “God, that sounds so beautiful coming out of your mouth.”
Grinning, I kiss him, relieved to finally let him in. An overwhelming mixture of joy and uncertainty washes over me.
“What do we do next?”