Chapter Fifteen
“First, we need to get you ready for finals this week.”
I shake my head and roll the edge of the comforter between my fingers. “I’ve kind of given up on finals.”
Ben stills my hand, scooting closer to me. “You don’t have to give up everything you’ve worked for, Phoebe.”
“But I do. I can’t have a baby and be this far from home for another year. I’m moving back to Washington as soon as I get this room packed.”
“No.” Ben glances around the room and rolls his bottom lip between his teeth. “I’m moving to Connecticut.”
I sit up a little too fast and grab my stomach, woozy with nausea. “No. You can’t.”
“And you can’t miss finals. Have you studied?”
“Yeah, I’ve studied all semester. But I’ve barely had enough energy to make breakfast.”
“I’ve got breakfast covered.”
“Why?”
He scowls and smooths the blanket over my legs. “Why what?”
“Why are you being so nice? For all you know, I tricked you into this.”
The lines on the pregnancy test Lani made me take are burned into my eyes so permanently it’s all I see when I try to sleep. Apparently, the pill can fail for some people and I’m one of those people. The last thing I want Ben to think is that I tricked him. But he has to be suspicious.
“I don’t think you tricked me. If you did, you’re doing a horrible job trying to get something out of it.” He smirks, and I ignore the way it warms my heart.
I don’t want to be reminded of how great we are together. Of how easily he makes me laugh. I definitely don’t want to admit to him—or myself—how nice the thought of him being in this baby’s life sounds.
“This was my mistake—you don’t need to be burdened by it.”
Ben’s eyes narrow, and he gets to his feet, towering over me at his full height. “Phoebe—” His voice cracks and I feel about two inches tall. “Don’t you ever, ever, refer to my child as a mistake.” He drops back onto the bed, resting his hand gently on my belly that’s more bloated from nachos than anything else. “Last time I checked, we both made this baby. I won’t let you be some martyr, keeping me from my child.”
I gulp, a little turned on by this aggressive side of Ben. “I’ll be in Clover Creek. It’ll be up to you whether or not you see the baby. I won’t keep anyone from anyone.”
“I’m not your father,” he murmurs, softly stroking my arm. “Let me into your life and I’m not going anywhere.”
It’s tempting. More tempting than I thought it would be, as I ignored his calls. Elijah told me to talk to Ben and assured me I’d be surprised by his answers, but I couldn’t trust him.
But now? Seeing him here in Connecticut? The raw honesty in his words shifted something in my heart.
“Don’t give up on your dreams, Phoebe. I promise you we can make it work with me moving to Connecticut—money isn’t an issue—”
Shaking my head, I rustle up the courage to admit something to him I can hardly admit to myself. “I want to move back to Washington. I hate it here. The only reason I’m here is to prove something to everyone. To myself.”
“What’s that?”
“I really don’t know anymore. I wanted to prove that I could do it, but honestly? The last three years have been miserable. It took all my strength to leave after Liam’s wedding.”
“Then I’ll help you pack, but you have to finish finals. You’ve put in so much work to get this far.”
I know he’s right. In a few years, I’ll be so mad at myself for getting so close and not finishing.
“And then once we’re back in Clover Creek, let’s find a college that will transfer your credits so you can finish your degree—”
“This college has online classes, so that’s taken care of. But who will take care of the baby while I’m studying, Ben?”
“Me.”
“Babies are a lot of work and time. Your life is so exciting and full. This will change everything. I can’t do that to you.”
“You’re not doing anything to me.” He scrubs his hand down his face and groans. “I hate my life, Phoebe.”
I try to sit up again, worried the nachos are going to come back up if I move too fast, but I can’t lay back for this conversation.
“What do you mean? Your life is perfect—”
“My life is perfect for my brother. For your brother, even. It’s their dream, not mine. I want this life with you. Babies, a house close to where we grew up…”
My heart aches, longing for the exact things he’s saying. And he said babies. Like more than one. A future where we have a few little kids running around a kitchen island as Ben chases after them flashes in my mind and my eyes well up.
“I want that, too. But won’t you resent me?”
He runs his knuckles down the side of my face. “We created this baby. We will create this future together. What is there to resent you about?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “This is all so new to me and it’s hard for me to imagine this is all you want in life.”
He hesitates and my stomach drops. I knew it was too good to be true.
“There’s a building around the corner from Felicity’s diner that’s empty. I have Gwen meeting with the sellers tomorrow. I’m buying it.”
The confusion must be evident on my face, because Ben kisses my forehead and chuckles.
“Let me back up. Last time I was here, I went into this strange little building and discovered the North Grayslake historical museum. The couple running it were experts on the area and so cute. All I could think was how I wanted that to be you and me in the future if you ever wanted to move back. That was way before I knew we were having a baby.”
“So—wait. You’re not just saying these things to make me feel better?”
“No, Phoebe. My perfect future is one where you and I raise our babies in Clover Creek while I run the town’s museum, and you follow your dreams.”
“That’s my dream, too.”
He quirks his brow and I laugh.
“Well, maybe I hadn’t thought about it in those exact terms, but history is my passion. With a place like that, we could hold events and balls where other people who are interested in different time periods could get together and geek out.”
“Really?” The corner of Ben’s mouth tilts up, and he shakes his head. “I think we can make this work.”
Energy’s coursing through me as I mentally plan this future. It’s the most alive I’ve felt all week.
“Together, we really can.”